There are several curated narratives pertaining to the Crusades. Those narratives dominate not only our understanding of the Medieval Crusades but understandings of the Middle East today. But, what really happened? What initially, and really, motivated Holy Roman Empire Catholics to travel over 1200 miles eastward at the price of great sacrifice? To try to answer those questions we examine some of the history of Muslim expansion. I'll note how long before the Crusades it was that Muslims variously attacked and sacked Rome, Iberia (today's Spain & Portugal), and Jerusalem. Because we believe Jesus is Lord over culture and politics I also discuss President Trump's attempts to disassemble the GBM (Grinding Bureaucratic Machine). Along the way I tell some jokes, offer a tiny bit of health advice, and reflect on the horrors at work inside of contemporary Syria. Come laugh and think with me.