Today, Chuck Shepherd’s “News of the Weird” gave us perhaps the greatest podcasting gift we’ve yet to receive, Karen Anderson. Ms. Anderson is an animal communicator and psychic who reportedly spoke with the recently deceased Cecil the Lion. Ms. Anderson’s endeavors have caused us to seriously reconsider the first purchase we’ll make with donations and amazon funds. For the low, low price of $75 for a 15 minute session, you can connect with up to two pets…either living or deceased. (That’s $300/hour, for those who don’t feel like doing the math but whose jaws dropped there.) Or, better yet, Jen can find out precisely what’s going on in Kate’s brain. Jen can also find out, perhaps, what was going through Kaylin, the Husky’s brain, on the fateful day when she attacked me back in the early 80’s and “went to live on a farm.”

“But,” you might ask, “what about you, Greg? Are you going to be there?”

I don’t think I could do this with a straight face. Also, a little piece of me, the piece that visited a psychic many, many years ago and had a too-accurate experience, fears what Kate might have to say. It might go like this: “These assholes wonder why I’m so freaking energetic, but they never take me on walks. Lazy asses just sit around and drink, knit, and watch Game of Thrones. The douchebag who’s not here now used to run me ragged; until my shoulder gave out…then he just stopped doing anything. Oh, and they make fun of my breath all the time, yet is anyone brushing my teeth or giving me those delicious green things? No. You know what else, Karen. They got me totally hooked on laser lights, and then they just took them away. Cold turkey! What assholes, right? And these two cats. Christ. One of them is a straight up bitch. No, wrong word. That’s what I am. You know what she is? Emmy. That’s her name. She’s a selfish, ungrateful, floppy-stomached prig. And the fuzzy black one? Yikes. That one’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic. Karen, can you also tell them that my ass juice is an expression of deep devotion? Thanks. Oh, and rabbit shit really does taste like heaven. And the tomato incident. Not my fault.” Maybe she’s like a canine stand-up comic.

Anyway, people…let’s make this happen! With your donations (…the link is just over there to the right…), or even with your extravagant shopping through our amazon link (…also to the right, just above the “Driven to Donate” button…), we can hear from Kate. And from Kaylin.

So…beer.

New Belgium has finally come to Western PA. Today we hadPumpkick, which is, at it’s foundation, a fairly traditional and delicious pumpkin ale. However, the brewers incorporate cranberry juice and lemongrass to take it from kin to kick! It’s absolutely delicious, and you should try it.

Also…important lessons.

Beyond our introduction to Karen Anderson, we accumulated valuable information from the News of the Weird:

1. Don’t try to buy drugs from your drug dealer with cops swarming.
2. If you run out of ammo during your military exercises,
just point and yell, “Bang Bang!”
3. Don’t play Russian roulette. Like ever.
4. God can’t grant you safety while you handle a rattlesnake.
(Or, as we just learned, a six-shooter with one bullet in the chamber.)
5. Don’t fuck bushes…someone has a smartphone.
(But also, just don’t do that. That’s nasty, baby!)
6. Masturbating during thunderstorms makes one feel like Thor.
(Get your timing right, know’msay’n?)
7. It is truly amazing what you can fit up your ass. (Google search it)

And what, friends, can you take from this podcast? Joy. Laughter. Perhaps a reminder that life is ultimately quite short and well worth living to the fullest.

Enjoy.

We bring you, “Animal Psychic Friends.”

(I see dead pumpkins)