M - Hi Cindy!

C - Hi Marta! This is a new short episode about dating, let's call it the B-Side of dating, does that sound good?

M – Great, we're going to talk with a couple of friends today about their dating experiences.

C – Have you found some MOVERS AND SHAKERS ? People who really HAVE THEIR FINGER ON THE PULSE of the dating scene?

M – well...they have a pulse. First off, I think it's a good idea to get a teenager's point of view on dating today.

C - Oh good, are we going to talk to Ashley?

M - Yes, providing that she can hear her phone ring above her iPod blowing out what's left of her eardrums.

Hello, Ashley?

Ashley - ''Hold on....yeah, I'll have a double mango smoothie to go.''

M - Ashley, are you at the mall again? I thought you had maxed out your credit card?

A - Marta? Is that you?

M - Yes, dear.... turn off the music...

A - What?

M - Turn off the music or I'm hanging up now!''

A - Okaaaaayyy, but KILLER SONG right?

M - Yes, Ashley. I don't know if I'd call it music but...

A - ...you look pretty on your website. I showed all my friends. We loooooooove your eyeshadow. Where did you get it?

M - Ashley, you can't spend any more money. Honey, we wanted to talk to you about dating. Do you have any advice for us?

A - Debbie is a SKANK.

M - Ok, and by ''skank'' you mean a girl of low moral values?

A - I mean Debbie the Skank. She talks bad about my best friend Kellie, like, all the time.

M - What happened, Ashley?

A - I don't want to talk about it.

M - Oh, come on.

A - No.

M - ok, I'll buy you that eye shadow you wanted.

A - OK, Debbie is such a skank. She like totally stole Kellie's boyfriend and I'm all like :''You should kick her ass!'' And I'm all like : “Whatever” And she's all like : ''Whatever'' and I'm like ''Yeah...

Cindy - Is that your office phone ringing?

M - Yes, hold on Ashley, let's see who it is... Hello? This is Marta Innocenti...

Debbie - Girl you don't know me! You don't know me! Call me a skank!

M - Debbie is that you?

D - that's right. Damn! Put me on! I wanna talk to her!

M - Ashley, we have Debbie on the line now and I'm putting her through.

D - Girl, you don't know me!

A - I know you're a skank. Oh excuse me- a girl of low-moral value! You stole Kellie's boyfriend, right before prom!

D - That's right, and I'll get your man too if you keep SCARFING DOWN those double mango smoothies. Because let's face it, you're looking a little CHUBBY !

A - Oh no you didn't just go there!

D - That's right, that's right! I did! What? what?

M - I can't take it any more

Cindy - ...did you just hang up on them?

M - yeah, of course!

C - ...Awesome!

M - Ashley forgot to mention that she stole Debbie's boyfriend last year over Spring Break in Cancun.

C - oh, the drama!

M - All right, let's move on. So today we've heard a teenager's perspective on dating.

C - Right. Debbie is a skank.

M - that's it.

C - Do you think they're still arguing?

M - Well, probably... especially if Ashley's father is still paying for her cell phone bill.

So Cindy, I think we should provide our listeners with a little ''old school'' dating advice now.

C - Oh no, who else have you found?

Barb - Hello!

M - Barb?

B - Hey, Y'all quit that. I can't hear nothin'. Y'all I'm on the phone!

M - Hello Barb, dear, it's Marta...Marta Innocenti.

B - Hold on darlin'...let me step out the trailer...Marta, is that you darlin'?

M - Yes, Barb...it's me!

B - Oh hey, Darlin'! How y'all doin? y'all doin alright?

M - We're great Barb! What's going on there? I hear a party!

B - Oh we's having a high ol' time. Britney LeeAnne Jr. done had a little junior of her own. He's so precious. I'm a grandmama now!

M - Wow ! Congratulations, Barb!

B - Thank you, darlin! What y'all up to today? You still working with that ugly old Yankee?

M - ...you mean, Cindy? Well, she went out for coffee.

B - Well, be sure to lock the door behind her.

M - Barb, we're doing a show today on dating, and we wanted to get some of your advice.

B - Aww suge (short for ''sugar'' a term of endearment), at was a long time ago. I'm a grandmama now. I can't hardly remember back that far!

M - Oh come on, Barb...what was it like when you first met your husband? On your first date?

B - Aw darlin' That's REDNECK love baby. We do things a little differently here in the South.

M - What happened? What was the one line that ignited the flames of passion?

B - Flames of Passion??....oh, damn… : 'Get in the truck, bitch!'

M - Barb, that's horrible !!!!! No man should ever talk to a woman like that! I can't believe you let him speak to you in that degrading way!

B - Oh hell, suge...that's what I said to him!

M - what you said to him!....Barb, we love you!

B - I love you too, darlin. But I got to run now. Y'all take care, be good and come see us some time!

M- Bye Barb!

B - Bye darlin'.

Cindy - ...Here's your coffee.

M- thank you Cindy.

C - Marta where do you find these people? Have you got some sort of Crazy Phone book to call. The Yellow Pages of Crazy?

M – kind of crazy, but, you know, it's useful to listen to a language as it's spoken on the street, because there is no text book that can prepare you for every day language complete with regional accent and slang words.

C – fair enough.

M – well folks, that's all for now. you can reach us on podomatic.com and on martainnocenti.com and on iTunes. Don't forget to read the transcripts of each episode!

C - and come visit us on facebook too! on the 'my American friend - podcast” page.

M - Thank you for listening!

C - Bye-bye!

*********

MOVERS AND SHAKERS : People with influence. Example: I’m attending a very important charity dinner tonight in Washington D.C. to benefit the American Red Cross. There will be many “movers and shakers’’ of the American political arena there this evening.’’

HAVE THEIR FINGER ON THE PULSE OF... : To have a deep understanding of something. Example: “He’s a very famous club dj (disc jockey) in America. He’s got his finger on the pulse of the music scene.’’

KILLER SONG : A great song.

SKANK : Offensive slang term used to describe a girl of low moral value/prostitute/hooker. Technically not a curse word, but still very offensive. Be careful how you use it. Maybe best not used at all.

SCARFING DOWN : Eating fast. Example: “Those teenage boys must be very hungry! Look at the way they’re scarfing down those hamburgers!’’

CHUBBY : Fat.

REDNECK : Merriam Webster dictionary defines redneck as: sometimes disparaging: a white member of the Southern rural laboring class.