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I kept apologizing for my kid at a recent family gathering. They put their dogs away for him and we brought his own food and we scooted out early—and, his nervous pacing brought him repeatedly between conversations, and his broad body inadvertently blocked camera angles.

Our family kept saying, it’s fine, it’s fine, stop apologizing, he can be wherever he needs to be, he’s good, it’s okay. It was okay. He really did great, and we are lucky to have a family that accepts and loves our son as he is, as they have for going on 25 years.

After dinner my son circled the kitchen, then tentatively whispered to me, Birthday Party? I didn’t understand his confusion until I saw the fruit tart the birthday girl had requested. This did not look like an appropriate cake to him. But once we sang, “Happy Birthday,” he tried the dessert (and liked it)—after taking it upon himself to blow out her candles. Sorry!

I often play interference when my son is with me. It is my never-ending balancing act, to present him as belonging, worthy and welcome, to help others provide accommodations—and to make sure he understands some social rules, teach him to be respectful and aware and maybe just a little less obtrusive, if he is able.

I have felt this sense of scrambling after and around him, trying to help him fit in, all his life—really from his first invitation to join his same-age peers in a classroom...

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