Today I want to talk a little bit about networking and building your customer relationship, your customer base, and it doesn’t really matter whether you’re just building friendships or whatever, or whether you want to just really expand your business network.

Business success and personal success depends on contacts. Networking leverages your resources and opportunities.

What motivated this episode is actually kind of funny. I was at an event about three weeks ago, and I saw somebody that was kind of interesting, but I didn’t get a chance to meet him. Two weeks later, last weekend, I saw him again, so I introduced myself and exchanged cards. I figured it might be an interesting person to talk to and find out a little bit more about. Yesterday he calls me up, and the first words out of his mouth is his 30-second elevator speech. I don’t know about you, and I know these things are preached all over the place, but: They tick me off.

Let me explain that a little bit. Basically, 99% of elevator speeches all come out the same way: “I either help create or increase some type of person with something to help them get, receive, attain, reach,”—whatever—“something else.” They all sound alike. It’s just like when the person comes up to your door, knocks on the door at dinnertime, and says: “Do you want to buy magazines?” You know right away the first thing they are: They’re trying to sell you something.

I thought everybody in sales knew the golden rule of making sure before you introduce your business, make sure the person knows, likes, and trusts you. I’ve known this guy for 90 seconds, so I wouldn’t say I know him. I certainly don’t have trust yet, and after that speech, it dropped through the floor. And I’m not so sure about the liking much anymore.

For example, say somebody is a dentist. Rather than saying: “I’m a dentist. I help children with keeping their teeth in the best of care and to help them get that pain-free.” You can say that way, which really sounds contrived, or you can just say: “I’m a dentist, specializing in pain-free children’s dentistry.” Then immediately turn around and ask the person about them. Show your interest in them. That’s where you’re going to find like.

Thinking back in the times of dating, when you were dating, you would be liked more by asking questions about the other person and being interested in what they say. That’s what networking is about, it’s almost like dating. You’re building relationships, you’re hopefully building friendships. If it doesn’t lead to business, so what? They might make you a referral, they might like you, and if somebody says something, they’ll say: “Oh, go see John Doe. He’s a good dentist. From what I heard, he does really well with children.”

Another part of it is be careful what you’re bragging about and what you’re telling the person. If you’ve had some time (keep in mind this was 10 years later the guy gives me a call), he’s got my card, my website is on there, he could look at the bio, see what I do. To be turning around and talking to me, (and he’s really trying to impress me) and bragging to me about how he’s a numbers person… Wait a minute. What I usually do is I turn around and say: “Oh, great. Have you looked at my bio?” Because what’s running through my mind right now is: “You obviously haven’t read it or looked at it.” Keep in mind in my bio right upfront it says: “I have a PhD in mathematical and statistical economics,” and this guy is trying to impress me that he’s a numbers person. By the way, this isn’t the first one; I’ve had dozens, if not, hundreds of people that try to impress me that they’re a numbers person. Fine. That’s great. I’m glad to meet somebody that’s also, but show that you have understood a little bit about me if there’s been some time passed.

If there’s something that you just met me and you’re expressing, that’s fine.