Be You Not Them

#44 - Your Old Self vs. New Self


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You have probably heard the phrases "building my best self" and "stepping into the new me" several times. We know we have said this to ourselves time and time again; however, have you ever thought about what this may actually mean? This episode we talk about how entering into your "new self" is more about aligning with your authenticity rather than creating a completely new identity. Let's dive in and challenge what it means to shed off the "old" and walking into the "new".

[2:04] Being a "better version of you". We have all heard this about the need to "reinvent" ourselves. We point out the shortcomings of this phrase and how it is really about being more intuned with your authentic self. These shortcomings include:

  • Making the you TODAY feel like you are not good enough
  • Negative influence on needing to be the best
  • Not realizing that you were doing the best that you could at that moment in time

[3:21] Why do we struggle with the old versus new mentality? Some of the reasons why we constantly battle between these two can be:

  • Recognizing and letting go of the shame associated with past decisions and behaviors. We share our own experiences in struggling with this from confidence issues to dating/relationships [5:22]
  • Not listening to your gut in order to fulfill expectations of someone else [8:25]
  • Building new habits and replacing old ways of thinking [10:24]
  • Growth and maturity also build experience to bring us closer to our authentic selves [15:13]

[19:55] A different take on the "new" me. Simply put, there is no OLD you or a NEW you, there is just YOU. Identities evolve as mentioned in Mark Manson's article of Stop Trying to Change Yourself. Some mic drop moments include:

  • Maintaining an identity defined as little to not commence emotional turbulence associated with an "identity crisis" [21:45]
  • Think of life as a long sequence of actions and decisions meaning that if we were to change ourselves we instead make better actions and decisions [22:05]
  • We choose the actions we want move forward with...the difference is between the "I AM" and "I CHOOSE" [26:05]
  • Your identity is this made up thing that we emotionally attach to and thus, the quickest way to change yourself is realizing that there is no "self" to change [30:41]

Books/Resources Mentioned:

  • Stop Trying to Change Yourself by Mark Manson: https://markmanson.net/stop-trying-to-change-yourself

Resources:

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Nat & Nina

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Be You Not ThemBy Natassia Coelho and Nina Jean-Louis

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