Hold on to your pepperoni pants, brace your mozzarella curls hangin down by your ears like A Hasidic Jew. When I was born, my mother looked down at her vagina and saw an umbilical cord. She said that umbilical cord reminded her of when you bite a hot pizza and the mozzarella stretches from your mouth to the slice. That’s when she knew she had to open up a pizza shop.