“Now I’ve been hangin’ around you for days

But when I lean in, you just turn your head away…

…I always have to steal my kisses from you

Always have to steal my kisses from you.”

                        —Ben Harper & The Innocent Criminals

This TikTok video came across my desk and I felt seen.

It’s a montage of a guy showering love and kisses on his cat. His cat is not having it.

A dozen years ago, when my son was a young teenager, I inadvertently described this cat’s objections to his adorer’s kisses in a piece called, “Tough Love.” It was published in the parenting anthology Monday Coffee and featured on Sammiches & Psych Meds. It still rings true, so I’m sharing it in full below –

I’m not sure when it became clear to us that our son had an aversion to our kisses and hugs, but somewhere along the way, he made it known that physical affection was not his thing.

I wrote “Tough Love” to tease myself about his rejections, and to remind myself that “my needs and his don’t always match up.” This was written in jest, but just so it’s clear: I did, and do, respect his right to not be kissed or touched without consent more than “stealing kisses” implies.

Here, we live by this cat’s rules and try to lessen his need to show his fangs.

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