Welcome back for another post and podcast. We love having you back…or, if this is your first time, welcome to the shit show!

Dip that chocolate generously in the Jif Jar and don’t look back. At least, that’s how Jen sees things.

She also now has such a finicky palate from so many squares of exceptional European hand-crafted chocolates that she had the audacity (“thee au…DA…city”) to compare Lindt milk chocolate to Palmer’s chocolatey-flavored hydrogenated corn-based quick drying candy clay. And Greg has the meatballs to let loose with an improvised Italian-American accent that starts shittily, goes all Kevin Costner as Robin Hood (…what the fuck IS that accent?!…), then leans Steve Carell as Gru in Despicable Me, which is a boorish, unoriginal, albeit consistent (…fuck you very much, Mr. Costner…) Russian accent. But hell, it made Jen laugh, and really that’s all that matters.

Anyway, the beers.

Jen: Lagunitas Hop Stoopid, which has become our absolute “go to” IPA. It’s the most fragrant beer we’ve ever had the pleasure to run our noses by. And it’s generally as fresh, vibrant, bright, citrusy, and crisp on the palate as Richard Simmons at a pride parade. It’s amazing. And…it’s cheap. Like, under $5 for a 22 ounce bomber cheap.

Greg: Sam Smith’s organic chocolate stout. Thick, black, perfectly roasted malt, with a touch of chocolaty sweetness…and absolutely none of the metallic bitterness that creeps into so, so many stouts and porters. Dee-lish. Dee-light. The groove definitely is in the heart.

Which brings us to the topic: Fuck our cats.

I know, I know…pretty harsh language for such seemingly benign creatures.

However, if you are a regular listener and reader, you know a few things:

1. Our cats are assholes, but not just assholes.

2. Emmy is a tortoise shell tabby, which only explains the assholery, with Autism, PTSD, sensory processing challenges, Pica, and inflammatory bowel disease. Yes, all of that.  Really.  And no, I’m not being dramatic or hyperbolic.

3. Lizzy is a poof-ball tuxedo cat with social anxiety, Pica, and an intellectual disability from being born into a bad situation and then removed from her Mother and siblings well before she learned how to be a functioning feline in society.

“What’s Pica?” you ask. Oh, you can look it up, but basically it’s when an animal eats non-food items. In Lizzy’s case, it’s rubber and ribbon and plastic. Ever have to pull an undigested rubber band out of a confused, clueless, and uncomfortable cat’s anus…then have it snap shit out and onto your face when it finally comes loose? Fun times. And Emmy enjoys licking dirty blinds and heating vents. The sound of a cat’s sandpapery tongue on a metallic, hollow, echoic vent grate is…well, grating, to say the least.

I’ll let you listen, but to make the longer story short…we tried to shift the cats to a raw meat diet, for their health and to respect the fact that they are, technically, carnivores. But because these cats are less carnivore and more psych ward, that went about as well you’d expect. So please have a listen, because we’re sure these cats are going live long enough to put us in the actual psych ward.

Given the title of the post and podcast, it’s no great secret what piece of music you’ll be hearing. However, here’s a lovely link to the final song. It’s quite awesome.

We present to you, “Welcome to the Jungle.”