Garth Heckman

The David Alliance

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When people are asked… if you could do it over again would you… and they say “no, I love my mistakes and its what made me who I am today”. That sounds great right, even manly… but I truly doubt it. If I could go back and do things differently would I? ABSOLUTELY 100% - so what would I do differently? Thats where were going today! 

It's impossible to provide a definitive "five biggest mistakes" for every man in every decade of his life, as experiences and priorities vary greatly. However, based on common life challenges, regrets, and advice, here are some generally observed mistakes men often make at different ages:

Under 20:

I would imagine most boys are not realizing that High School is the last free education you will get… use it up as much as you can. And more than that, learn skills from other men, its free education. Welding, automotive, investing, carpentry, cooking, baking, relationship advice, boxing, Balancing your checking account, talking to women, handling conflict… Just about anybody can teach you something for free. 

Here is a lesson I learned early on in life. And I will admit, that early on in life I liked to spend money on stupid stuff… or at least over spend on my hobbies. But I learned two huge pieces of advice. One give yourself a raise every year…i.e. shop for lower insurance, cable, internet, cheaper place to buy groceries etc…

2ndly I sell stuff I have not used for a year and I invest it into my 401k. Also I don’t do my own investing other then crypto. And I do not touch my investments… early on I did, but I learned the hardware. If I had kept my Amazon stock I would have a few million dollars still in my portfolio. 

Not just ignoring health - but ignoring healthy habits. Build into your life a regular weekly exercise plan. Healthy eating and sleep habits. Look I get it, when I was under 20 years old I drank a 12 pack of Mt. Dew a day and ate a full bag of double stuff Oreos - now I was waterskiing and barefooting all day long so I was burning it off and I was also a competitive powerlifter… but the habit was hard to break even though I was not putting on weight. 

Back to working out… most guys say they don’t have time, but if you get up at 5am you will have time, not only that you will be more energetic during the day but when it comes to sleep you won’t be able to stay up late watching stupid TV or computer or phone… so it all balances out. 

Know your weaknesses and box them in, and know your strengths and double down on those. I am not going to spend time working on becoming more detailed and OCD… it aint’ me. I will work on being a leader, communicator, preacher, teacher, vision caster, motivator and risk taker. 

I won’t allow myself to work in my weaknesses - I will let others work in those areas…and if I absolutely have to I will first build a detailed system to do it. 

Most men under 40 are only practicing divorce in their relationship habits. You make out, you have sex, you break up and move on. THIS IS THE PERFECT PRACTICE FOR A ruined marriage. Most guys under 20 are 100% motivated in relationships from a selfish foundation. They only give to get, they never learn to give just to give. They never learn to sacrifice in order to create a better version of the women they are dating. 

Under 30:

If you are 25 and you invest $12 a day into an account reaping basically between 6-8% return you will have a million dollars by the time you retire. That is only $360 a month. That is nothing… if you think its a lot add up how much you spend at the convenience store, on clothes you don’t wear, on tickets, on junk food and fast food and maybe even online gambling or girls… its peanuts. 

Here is a secret. There is someone out there willing to pay you for what you want to do if you are good at it. You want to just play guitar all day? Learn to read music, join a musicians union, hang out with other musicians and producers… it is not that hard. You may not make millions, but you will earn a living doing what you love. I have quite a few friends who do it full time and part time and make decent money. 

I know you are under 30… you have a lifetime ahead of you… but actually you are just about in midlife. If you live to 75 you are only a few years out from reaching that half way mark.. and trust me the next 35 will fly buy 3 times as fast!  So focus on relationships.. your parents, your spouse, your brothers and sisters, your childhood friends, men at church etc… make that a solid priority! 

Look its no secret that a lot and I mean most of 30 and under came from dysfunctional families. From No dads to 4 dads… It can cause a lot of stress, mental baggage and a lack of skill in dealing with it. The internet, phone and social media pressure does not help. One of the greatest manly things you can do is go in for counseling and mental health screenings. Get the help you need and don’t ever be embarrassed about it. You would not be embarrassed by going in for a broken arm… mental health is no different. And you are truly doing if for your current or future family. 

Nothing wrong with buying a new car… but that doesn’t mean it has to be the brand-new or the best or even middle of the road. My car is 25 years old with 200,000 miles on it…and that car has not had a payment for 22 years. 

If you are going to purchase a house, car of boat or motorcycle… talk to a legit financial counselor. You might be surprised at how much they can help you. There is nothing wrong with spending money, there are only wrong things to spend money on. 

I will say this, I do see a lot of 30 and under young men who are really on the right track. They have learned the hard way from watching their parents make all the wrong and stupid decisions. Good for you! It will be worth it! 

Under 40:

Here is a little bit of controversy…. And BTW I am working on attaining my certification in nutrition. You can get away with an ok diet if you are physically active. But even if you eat healthy and are not physically active - it will hurt you. 

Build a system in place to do something you like to do a few times a week. Volleyball, racquet ball, jump rope, lift weights, karate, pickle ball, hot yoga… I don’t care, just do it 3-4 times a week for at least 45 minutes and your life will improve miraculously. Most people hate exercise because they choose exercise they hate. Choose something you love. 

Two things you can do to grow in your position… proven strategies. #1 learn how to get along with people. Most people are promoted first and foremost because others like them. #2 Continue to ask to learn new things at your job. Have you ever wondered what your boss would say if you asked him “what can I learn in order to help you and your business succeed. 

If you are not growing you are dying. Every year you should try to learn something new. Get a certificate in basket weaving… it does not matter. Stay sharp. 

You have not repaired family relationships and now they seem irreparable… until someone is lying on their deathbed… Now is the time. 

Secondly you realize that between you and your spouse… that little issue did not go away. Now it is a monster. It could be how you flirt with other women, your anger issues, your over spending, your lack of communication…. Here is the crazy and astounding FACT - your marriage can get better and better and more amazing if you put in the hard work, or you can do nothing… simply nothing and it will suck. You don’t have to put in the hard work for it to suck… just do nothing and it will happen all on its own. Ignorance starts out as bliss but soon turns into bitterness.

We covered this before but for the sake of redundancy - If you have not started a healthy aggressive retirement plan by the time you are 40, you can plan to live poor when you retire or plan on working until you are in your late 70’s. Don’t be that guy. 

Point 2 today was ignoring relationship issues… but along with that is not taking time to build a support system. The old adage “the best way to have a friend is to be a friend”.  It has stood the test of time. This week I am helping a friend move.. why? Because he has been there for me numerous times. 

Who do you call in a pinch, a bind, an emergency? I can call Ty, Tim, Scott, Allan and they will help no matter what. And they have called me… and I will help no matter what!