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5 Distortions About Sharing That Parents Need to Understand
[Week 19 of 52 Weeks to a Better Relationship With Your Child]
The wrong approach to sharing can strain a parent-child relationship. The definition of share, whether a noun or a verb, implies both ownership and voluntary action. Understanding ownership rights for children still under the guardianship of parents is crucial to understanding sharing in the home, so I recommend my recent post Guidelines for Children’s Property Rights in the Home.
Here are 5 common distortions of sharing:
Let’s look at these prevalent claims one at a time, keeping in mind that there will be some overlap.
If you are nice, will you always share?
Deciding with whom and when to share something is a multifaceted decision. I suppose that if both parties have good attitudes and motives in the transaction, then, maybe it is almost always nice to share. What makes this statement obviously lacking is asking the question, “How much sharing is enough?”
If sharing is always the nice thing to do, then does it have to be equal? Would it be better to just give the other person everything you have? Or maybe you think that sharing a certain thing would be bad for that person or not allow you to use the thing in a better way.
The owner of something should not be limited to what is currently judged “nice” by non-owners. Even if there is no concrete plan to use the resources in another way, an owner of something should feel free to refrain from sharing even if the only reason is saving for later possibilities. Doing so does not make him a non-nice person, especially if there is no life-altering need by someone else.
What does it mean when a person asks someone to share?
This could more accurately be called begging. Children should be taught that such requests should be limited to times of extreme need or as part of very close relationships. They should not ask except under those special circumstances, and they should be wary of people who feel free to ask for things.
Of course, parents usually have the kind of relationships with their children that makes children feel free to ask. Parents do their children a disservice by sharing whenever a child asks. By doing so, they miss opportunities to help their children feel comfortable saying no to others who try to guilt them into sharing.
For instance, I have known parents who felt they had to sneak into a bathroom to eat their own food or special treat. This should not be so. A child can learn that sometim
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By Laura Blodgett[Week 19 of 52 Weeks to a Better Relationship With Your Child]
The wrong approach to sharing can strain a parent-child relationship. The definition of share, whether a noun or a verb, implies both ownership and voluntary action. Understanding ownership rights for children still under the guardianship of parents is crucial to understanding sharing in the home, so I recommend my recent post Guidelines for Children’s Property Rights in the Home.
Here are 5 common distortions of sharing:
Let’s look at these prevalent claims one at a time, keeping in mind that there will be some overlap.
If you are nice, will you always share?
Deciding with whom and when to share something is a multifaceted decision. I suppose that if both parties have good attitudes and motives in the transaction, then, maybe it is almost always nice to share. What makes this statement obviously lacking is asking the question, “How much sharing is enough?”
If sharing is always the nice thing to do, then does it have to be equal? Would it be better to just give the other person everything you have? Or maybe you think that sharing a certain thing would be bad for that person or not allow you to use the thing in a better way.
The owner of something should not be limited to what is currently judged “nice” by non-owners. Even if there is no concrete plan to use the resources in another way, an owner of something should feel free to refrain from sharing even if the only reason is saving for later possibilities. Doing so does not make him a non-nice person, especially if there is no life-altering need by someone else.
What does it mean when a person asks someone to share?
This could more accurately be called begging. Children should be taught that such requests should be limited to times of extreme need or as part of very close relationships. They should not ask except under those special circumstances, and they should be wary of people who feel free to ask for things.
Of course, parents usually have the kind of relationships with their children that makes children feel free to ask. Parents do their children a disservice by sharing whenever a child asks. By doing so, they miss opportunities to help their children feel comfortable saying no to others who try to guilt them into sharing.
For instance, I have known parents who felt they had to sneak into a bathroom to eat their own food or special treat. This should not be so. A child can learn that sometim