This wikiHow article provides advice on how to solve family problems and restore peace. Here’s a summary of the guidance offered:
- Beginning a discussion: It's best to wait until you are not angry to discuss the problem. Give yourself time to think before dealing with the issue so you do not react emotionally. Discuss family problems in person rather than through electronic communication, as tone can easily be misperceived, and body language can help convey empathy. Accept everyone’s faults, including your own, and avoid the blame game by using positive language and a calm tone. Forgive family members to free yourself from the corrosive nature of disputes and build a healthier future.
- Getting at the root of the problem: Identify the real problem by considering underlying issues like health or financial concerns. Ask questions to draw out the family member and open lines of communication. Poor communication is often involved in family problems, so express your feelings at the right time and in the right way. Recognize when family problems need to be discussed, such as when there are frequent arguments or angry outbursts. Family problems can stem from differences of opinion, substance abuse, mental health problems, or financial issues.
- Addressing the family problem: Try to reach a compromise by figuring out common ground and points you are willing to concede. Talk to family members one-on-one in a neutral space to redress grievances. Call a family council if the problem affects the entire family, ensuring that one family member doesn’t dominate the discussion. Write a letter to the family member, explaining how you feel and why you want to address the issue, using "I" statements to express your perspective. When addressing a problem with a child, explain the problem clearly and ask for their help in solving it, offering positive reinforcement for progress.
- Letting go of family problems: Establish boundaries if family members are toxic to protect yourself, and know when it’s time to step back if the problems cannot be fixed. Seek counselling, either individually or as a family, to help heal rifts and address complex issues like mental illness or substance abuse.
The article also includes advice from licensed marriage and family therapist Jin S. Kim, MA, who suggests that if you're struggling to communicate with a family member, you could write a note or letter, or send a text message to discuss an issue and ask about talking later. Marriage and Family Therapist Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC, advises treating children with kindness and respect, clearly expressing your expectations while avoiding ultimatums or accusations.