Welcome back, cinephiles and perverts, and welcome to Season Two of Sex in the Cinema!!!

To kick off Season Two, Torie is joined by Angelenos and expert hate-watchers Chelsey Morin and Thien-Y Hoang to demolish the cultural phenomenon that was the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. From its humble beginnings in a Twilight fanfiction forum, to the published printed page, all the way to the silver screen, this gross disservice to the kink community turned on the world.

For SITC’s Season Two Premiere, we’re tackling the first installment of the trilogy, 50 SHADES OF GREY. Released in 2015 and directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson (wife of Aaron Taylor-Johnson, mind you), this film launched the careers of usually good actors Dakota Johnson and Jaimie Dornan.  

Mousy brunette super-virgin Anastasia Steele’s simple life turns upside down when she meets sexy billionaire (and apparent Never Nude), Christian Grey. Anastasia soon finds out Christian doesn’t do relationships, but he does enjoy “various physical pursuits.” Namely, kidnapping women and coercing them into dom/sub relationships of very questionable ethics.  

What ensues is two hours of sociopathic behavior, painful lack of chemistry, horrifically awful dialogue, NDAs and contracts, too many needle drops, countless glasses of unconsumed white wine, mostly vanilla sex, an apparent proclivity for Hollister men’s jeans, a dusting of taboo slap & tickle, one impressive den of iniquity set, and wayyyyyy too many red flags.   

So bust out those handcuffs and settle in for the long haul because, in the words of Christian Grey, there’s “no escaping now…”