Chocolate hoarders unite!

We begin this podcast with a cocoa row, which you must pronounce as, “kuh-COW Rahw,” where “row” rhymes with “cow.”  If you say it with just the right emphasis and amount of drama, you’ll sound like a crow.  (Which doesn’t rhyme with “cow,” for those keeping track.)

We continue with several new, “What the frig were you smoking, Del Duca, when your brain decided to misinterpret those lyrics THIS way?!”

First, “The Chowder Song.”  That’s “Hello,” by Adele for the rest of the world.  If you want to crawl into my noggin for a moment, and you might not want to do that because it’s like a freaking psych ward in there often enough, the fun starts with the chorus.

Chowder from the out side (“theeyout…sighhhh-ee-igh-igh-duh”)
Chowder from the in side (“theeyin…sighhhh-ee-igh-igh-eed”)
And you know your chowder is the best that I’ve had,
And you know your chowder is the best that I’ve ever had.

The other?  I call it “The Activia Song.”  Unfortunately, I can’t even imagine what the actual song is or who sings it as I sit here and type.

Gimme a minute…

(Google searching lyrics that I don’t know.  That’s fun.)

…

GOT IT!

It’s “Budapest” by George Ezra.

My shit-for-brains-lyric-interpretation comes in at the tag after each of the mini-verses.

I’ve got: Oh-WHOAAAA-Oh…Activia.

Apparently it’s actually variations on “You, You, I’d give it all.”

There’s this Louie C.K. line that I love.  He utters it during a bit in which his 3-year-old child is arguing with him that Fig Newtons are actually called Pig Newtons. Here’s the link.  It’s fucking hilarious, all 10 minutes of the bit, particularly if you’ve ever dealt with toddlers.  It’s also not even remotely safe for work, so put on your headphones, and make sure you’re either alone or in an environment where people won’t give a shit if you guffaw maniacally.  Anyway, at one point he tells her, “Yeah, Pig Newtons. Fine. Go ahead. Good luck to you. Go through life, see what kind of job you can hold down with shit like that clanking around in your head.”

I feel that way about me sometimes.  Sometimes more than sometimes.

Hmm…

Yikes, this introduction to the podcast has entirely gotten away from me, hasn’t it?

Okay then.

The beers:

Jen.  It’s no surprise.  Lagunitas “Hop Stoopid.”
Greg. Lavery “The Devil’s Pumpkin.”

The topic:

The documentary, “Going Clear.”  Do you know it?  Have you seen it?  Read the book?  It’s a documentary about L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology.  It’s fascinating and horrifying and enlightening and ultimately illuminating.  Why?  Well, it’s easy to poke fun at a contemporary science fiction writer named Ron (…RON, for fuck’s sake…) who looks like a ginger-nested hinge-jawed toothy cenobite from the Hellraiser world who, somehow, takes that science fiction (…fact: Hubbard is the most prolific writer in history…) and creates a megolithic, secretive, cultish, scarily powerful church which accumulates wealth like John Travolta accumulates uncomfortable male masseuses, sues the pants off of the IRS, and continues to exist as a tax-free religious entity to this day.  Very easy, indeed. However, shift the entire milieu of Scientology several thousands, or even hundreds, of years in the past…and how bat-shittier is it than ANY religion?

The conclusion:

Greg wouldn’t eat Jesus.  (Really, I wouldn’t.  Just sayin’.)

The music you’ll hear during this episode includes:

So, without further tangent-taking, we present to you, “Going Clear (Oh Dear)”