Hot on the heels of having watched the Scientology documentary, “Going Clear,” on HBO and recorded our “Going Clear (Oh Dear!)” podcast, Jen uttered a word utterly unknown to Greg.

That word…was, “Pastafarian.”

But before we go there, let’s start at the beginning. Beer. (There is a beer volcano in Pastafarian heavan, so that’s good. And a stripper factory. But again, we’re ahead of ourselves.)

Beer, as we all know, is a wonderful thing. Beer, as we’ll come to know, is the only reason Jen agrees to do this damn podcast…and so Greg will continue to deliver the goods because Jen always delivers the laughs during discussions.

The Beers (“Daaaaahbears”):

Tonight, Jen consumes, “The Walking Dead” by Terrapin. A fragrant, mildly but certainly pleasantly sweet, happily (…and hoppily…) bitter and well balanced brew described as a red IPA with blood orange peels. It’s 6.7 alcohol by volume. “It’s big enough,” Jen spoke, and it was so.

Greg is excited to be drinking “Our Special Ale” by Anchor Brewing. Generally amazing, and specifically so this year. It’s a dark Christmas Ale with hints of traditional holiday spices and the unique, delicious, mildly metallic flavor that only a steam beer can achieve. Fun fact, this is Anchor’s 41st special ale and Greg is 41. Here’s hoping they both make it to a century of specialness.

The topics:

We begin with a fifth grader telling Greg, “I don’t want that creepy dude looking at me.” The creepy dude? Bill Murray…from the movie “Stripes,” on Greg’s shirt. Later, Jen causes Greg unexpected laughter and obvious déjà vu by saying, “I want Bill Murray to stop pointing at me.”

Greg is enjoying a few squares of “Endangered Species” 88% dark chocolate, and this starts a phonological debate. (Phonology, described in plain language, is the way you say sounds in speech.  The difference between “DOWN-tin abbey” in England and “DAHN TAHN” in Pittsburgh is phonological in nature.) So we’ll ask you, our faithful readers and listeners. Let’s do a bit of an experiment. First, say the word, “Species” out loud. Go ahead. Do that. (Yeah, right now!) Now, put it in this sentence, “I’ve never conceived such a species of sparrow.” Did you say, “spee-shees” or “spee-sees”? Okay, number two. Say, “association.” Now the sentence, “This homeowners association is getting on my damn nerves with all of the rules regarding sparrow species.” Did you say, “ass-so-shee-ay-shun” or “ass-so-see-ay-shun”? Try doing this all while inebriated, and overthinking the damn thing. By the way, if you listen(ed) to the podcast, did you happen to catch how both Greg and Jen reflexively said each word? (Stop making me do work, Del Duca!) Okay, okay! Sorry.

Jen then has a deep thought. Really, quite a deep and profound thought.

“Weird is not a mental illness.”

Let that sink in.

We moved through a discussion of goths, vampires, fetishists, and then here is where Jen said, “It’s like the Pastafarians.” Greg’s face obviously shone confused, and the discussion turned quickly to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. You may have recently readabout a woman in Massachusettes, one Lindsay Miller, who successfully fought to wear the “traditional head covering” of CotFSM members. “What’s that?” you ask? A colander. Yep. A fucking colander. Like Johnny Appleseed…but not. We explore the website of the CotFSM and watch a wonderfully cheeky, quite British, video (…you should link through and watch it.  It’s only 3 minutes…) explaining the church and the monster and such. It’s like Douglas Adams’ ghost come back to form a satirical religion with an important larger social-historical message. We discuss the prophet Bobby Henderson, who apparently wrote a letter to the Kansas Board of Education after they attempted to insert intelligent design into the Kansas curriculum.

We finish by discussing the mind-boggling genius of Trey Parker and Matt Stone…and South Park. (Check out the “Production” section.  They crank these things out weekly so that each show can touch upon current, like absolutely literally current events.)

Have fun people, and may the Flying Spaghetti Monster (…yeah, I capitalized it…) always embrace you in his noodly appendages. May your pirate ancestors welcome you to the beer volcano and may you ever nibble upon the FSM’s delicious, sizable meatballs.

The music you’ll be enjoying:

Intro: “Flying Spaghetti Monster” by Doctor P
Outro: “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley

We present to you, “Of Flying Spaghetti Monsters and Men.”

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