“It wasn’t just the physical abuse. It was the control. It was feeling like I wasn’t allowed to be myself.”

If you've ever been in a relationship that looked fine from the outside, but inside felt like walking on eggshells… this is for you.

We don’t talk enough about coercive control—the invisible abuse that erodes your identity, your confidence, and your freedom. It doesn’t always leave bruises. But it leaves scars.

In this week’s episode, I break down what coercive control really is, where the term came from, and—most importantly—how to spot it in your life (or in someone you love).

🚨 What Is Coercive Control?

Coined by Dr. Evan Stark, coercive control refers to a pattern of domination—where someone uses fear, manipulation, and isolation to strip away your independence and autonomy. It’s not about one argument or even one blow-up. It’s about making you feel small, scared, and dependent… every day.

🔍 6 Signs of Coercive Control You Need to Know:

1. Gaslighting

You’re made to question your memory, instincts, and even your sanity.

“That never happened. You’re being dramatic again.”

2. Monitoring and Surveillance

They track your location, check your phone, or monitor your social media.

“Why were you by Target for 15 minutes?”

3. Isolation

They chip away at your support system—family, friends, even co-workers.

“Your best friend’s a bad influence. I don’t want you talking to her anymore.”

4. Financial Abuse

You’re denied access to money or accounts, or made to feel irresponsible for wanting independence.

“You don’t need your own bank account—I’ll take care of everything.”

5. Micro-Regulation

From your clothes to how you parent, they control the details of your life.

“Don’t wear that—it’s too revealing.”

6. Threats and Intimidation

They may never lay a hand on you—but they use fear as leverage.

“If you leave me, you’ll never see the kids again.”

💔 Why This Matters

Coercive control is especially dangerous because it's often overlooked—even by the victim. You start to think maybe you are overreacting. Maybe it is your fault. Maybe you should just try harder.

But friend, abuse doesn't always come with bruises. And if any of these signs hit home, you're not alone—and you're not crazy. You're recognizing what your nervous system has been trying to tell you.

🛠 What You Can Do:

* Educate Yourself — Start learning the language of emotional abuse so you can reclaim your power.

* Document Everything — Save texts, write down incidents, and keep a timeline.

* Use Parallel Parenting Tools — Apps like OurFamilyWizard can protect your peace in co-parenting situations.

* Seek Trauma-Informed Support — Not all therapy is created equal. Find someone who understands emotional abuse.

* Rebuild Internal Safety — Healing starts inside. Nervous system regulation, community support, and creativity are key.

💬 From Me to You

Just watching the episode—or reading this post—is a step toward freedom. Healing doesn’t start with leaving. It starts with believing yourself again.

So if no one’s told you lately:I’m proud of you. You’re not broken. You’re rising.

🎧 Watch The Episode On Youtube:

Ready to go deeper?Book a 1:1 trauma recovery session with me »

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