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60. Sloppy Snape and Sad Sex
Tonight’s the night we’ll make history.
Honey, Jen and I.
’cause we’ll, by any means, give you a pleasant time,
and stay with you here tonight…
…except I drank a glass of Lagunitas Hop Stoopid (9% abv West Coast IPA), 2 bottles of Founders Backwoods Bastard (11.6% abv bourbon barrel aged ale), and a cup of Nighttime Theraflu (100% guarantee of a slow sleepy slide into cognitive-linguistic oblivion, unless you sneeze like Gary. Or Jen. AHHHHH….HEEEEYYYYYYYY!)…
…so…
…a gathering of Angels appeared above my head.
They sang to me this song of hope and this is what they said:
They said, “Come sail away. Come sail away. Come sail away yinz guys.”
Fun times.
What else happened?
Alan Rickman died, and I wield Snape’s wand for the evening. Additionally, I used the Sherriff of Nottingham’s spoon to stir my TheraFlu. (Why a spoon, cousin?)
Any other topics?
Yep.
- Who is the least appealing of the Spice Girls? (Earthy Spice)
- Jen already makes amazing chocolate chip cookies. This has been confirmed by hundreds of unbiased humans across the past 10 years. Tonight, she creates an oatmeal cookie…and we’re generally not oatmeal cookie people…that is revelatory. How can that be? (Jen’s a baking alchemist. The Severus Snape of the oven. Domo Arigato, Ms. Spatulotto.)
- Can a man ejaculate while flaccid? (Yes.)
- Is it a sad, unsatisfying endeavor? (Always.)
- What’s said man’s history of mistake-sex followed by dramatic fall-out and compounded self-loathing as a percentage of total partners? (50)
- Is it impossible to keep an alias straight when utterly intoxicated? (Absolutely)
You should really listen to this one.
That’s it then. Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans, no more merciful beheadings, and call off Christmas. We present to you, “Sloppy Snape and Sad Sex.”
P.S. If it wasn’t obvious from the first several paragraphs AND the associated links, this podcast is a Styx sandwich, with “The Best of Times” at the beginning and “Come Sail Away” at the end. I wrote it once and I’ll write it again…fun times.
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By Driven 2 DrinkTonight’s the night we’ll make history.
Honey, Jen and I.
’cause we’ll, by any means, give you a pleasant time,
and stay with you here tonight…
…except I drank a glass of Lagunitas Hop Stoopid (9% abv West Coast IPA), 2 bottles of Founders Backwoods Bastard (11.6% abv bourbon barrel aged ale), and a cup of Nighttime Theraflu (100% guarantee of a slow sleepy slide into cognitive-linguistic oblivion, unless you sneeze like Gary. Or Jen. AHHHHH….HEEEEYYYYYYYY!)…
…so…
…a gathering of Angels appeared above my head.
They sang to me this song of hope and this is what they said:
They said, “Come sail away. Come sail away. Come sail away yinz guys.”
Fun times.
What else happened?
Alan Rickman died, and I wield Snape’s wand for the evening. Additionally, I used the Sherriff of Nottingham’s spoon to stir my TheraFlu. (Why a spoon, cousin?)
Any other topics?
Yep.
- Who is the least appealing of the Spice Girls? (Earthy Spice)
- Jen already makes amazing chocolate chip cookies. This has been confirmed by hundreds of unbiased humans across the past 10 years. Tonight, she creates an oatmeal cookie…and we’re generally not oatmeal cookie people…that is revelatory. How can that be? (Jen’s a baking alchemist. The Severus Snape of the oven. Domo Arigato, Ms. Spatulotto.)
- Can a man ejaculate while flaccid? (Yes.)
- Is it a sad, unsatisfying endeavor? (Always.)
- What’s said man’s history of mistake-sex followed by dramatic fall-out and compounded self-loathing as a percentage of total partners? (50)
- Is it impossible to keep an alias straight when utterly intoxicated? (Absolutely)
You should really listen to this one.
That’s it then. Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans, no more merciful beheadings, and call off Christmas. We present to you, “Sloppy Snape and Sad Sex.”
P.S. If it wasn’t obvious from the first several paragraphs AND the associated links, this podcast is a Styx sandwich, with “The Best of Times” at the beginning and “Come Sail Away” at the end. I wrote it once and I’ll write it again…fun times.