Zan says he fantasizes about the Golden Girls. Shawn asks Zan about hazing. Shawn tells a story about when he was in junior high going up on the local Air Force Base. His friend's mom was smoking weed. Zan says that up on Base is international waters so smoking weed is legal. Zan heard a comic say that he can't be a dad yet because he wants to be able to smoke weed and blow it into his baby's face. He is hoping if they legalize weed in Utah then he can become a dad. Shawn says that he should just live on Base. Shawn's friend told him about an ice cream truck that would sell weed up on base. Zan couldn't remember what anchovies were called, and called them avachovies. Zan starts searching anachovies on the internet. He friends Ana Chovie on Facebook. He encourages everyone to add her as a friend as well. Zan's sister protected him in high school. Zan was also very hairy so people thought he was older. Zan found a paddle at a thrift store. He started paddling kids to welcome them to high school. Shawn asks how hard he hit the kids with his paddle. Zan says "that smarts." Shawn thinks Zan is pronouncing "that hurts" incorrectly. It turns out "that smarts" is a real thing. Zan wanted to burn his name into the paddle and pass it down to future generations, but instead he drove to North Ogden and threw it away in a dumpster because too many people were getting hazed. Zan asks Shawn if he ever got hazed. Shawn didn't because his older brother was in high school with him. Shawn shares some stories about kids getting hazed on the track team. One kid got 50 gallons of water dumped on him while he was on the toilet. Another kid had to rub icy hot on himself. Zan says that some companies in Japan haze their employees to keep them more loyal. Shawn wants to haze his neighbors to get to know them better. Shawn asks Zan for some ideas. Zan says something involving fire would be great. Zan's idea for hazing neighbors is digging a hole 20 feet deep that Shawn can push his new neighbors in to haze them.