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64. Why do I do all the hard stuff and he gets to be the fun one?
Why does one parent end up carrying the routines, the logistics, the emotional regulation, while the other gets to be the fun one?
In this episode, I’m talking about the dynamic so many families fall into quietly, the default parent and the fun parent. It’s not usually chosen. It forms over time, shaped by outdated structures that no longer fit modern motherhood.
Often, one parent holds the weekday grind. School or nursery logistics, sick days, emotional regulation, planning, remembering, keeping everything moving. The other shows up for the highlights. The outings, the treats, the memories. On the surface, it can look harmless. Even generous. But over time, this imbalance can quietly breed resentment and disconnect.
This episode was shaped by conversations around separation and co-parenting, but it applies just as much to families who are still together. These roles exist inside relationships too, and they often go unnamed until something starts to break.
This is not about blaming individuals. It’s about naming a system that distributes responsibility and joy unevenly, and asking what that does to our experience of motherhood, our relationships, and our connection with our children.
In this episode, we explore:
How default parent and fun parent roles form without discussion
Why responsibility and joy have been unevenly distributed in modern families
How resentment builds quietly, without conflict or drama
Why fairness doesn’t mean 50/50, but it does mean shared access to joy
Why fun shouldn’t be a reward for surviving motherhood
If this resonates, you might also like Episode 2, How do you want your motherhood to feel?
Free resource:
The 5 Villages Every Mum Needs — a free audio guide naming the kinds of support modern mothers are missing, and why love alone isn’t enough. 👉🏽 The 5 Villages Every Mum Needs
🫂 Join a loving community of mums in IT'S A LOT – free for 30 days.
We talk about this kind of stuff in It's A Lot. So, if you’re feeling shaky having brought your new baby home, in the trenches of toddlerhood or just need a place to share the joys of being a mama with people who get it, this is your new support network. The best part? It’s all via voice notes https://www.nataliekmartin.com/mama-circle
Want to share your thoughts on this episode? Comment on Spotify or:
Instagram: @natalie.kmartin
Email: [email protected]
☕️ Support my work: if you’re enjoying my podcast, you can buy me a virtual coffee here! Thank you 🫶🏽 buymeacoffee.com/nataliekmartin
📢 Don’t forget to follow the podcast so you never miss an episode
New episodes every Wednesday🎧 Subscribe on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and leave a quick review — it really helps other mums find the show.
View all episodes
By Natalie K. MartinWhy does one parent end up carrying the routines, the logistics, the emotional regulation, while the other gets to be the fun one?
In this episode, I’m talking about the dynamic so many families fall into quietly, the default parent and the fun parent. It’s not usually chosen. It forms over time, shaped by outdated structures that no longer fit modern motherhood.
Often, one parent holds the weekday grind. School or nursery logistics, sick days, emotional regulation, planning, remembering, keeping everything moving. The other shows up for the highlights. The outings, the treats, the memories. On the surface, it can look harmless. Even generous. But over time, this imbalance can quietly breed resentment and disconnect.
This episode was shaped by conversations around separation and co-parenting, but it applies just as much to families who are still together. These roles exist inside relationships too, and they often go unnamed until something starts to break.
This is not about blaming individuals. It’s about naming a system that distributes responsibility and joy unevenly, and asking what that does to our experience of motherhood, our relationships, and our connection with our children.
In this episode, we explore:
How default parent and fun parent roles form without discussion
Why responsibility and joy have been unevenly distributed in modern families
How resentment builds quietly, without conflict or drama
Why fairness doesn’t mean 50/50, but it does mean shared access to joy
Why fun shouldn’t be a reward for surviving motherhood
If this resonates, you might also like Episode 2, How do you want your motherhood to feel?
Free resource:
The 5 Villages Every Mum Needs — a free audio guide naming the kinds of support modern mothers are missing, and why love alone isn’t enough. 👉🏽 The 5 Villages Every Mum Needs
🫂 Join a loving community of mums in IT'S A LOT – free for 30 days.
We talk about this kind of stuff in It's A Lot. So, if you’re feeling shaky having brought your new baby home, in the trenches of toddlerhood or just need a place to share the joys of being a mama with people who get it, this is your new support network. The best part? It’s all via voice notes https://www.nataliekmartin.com/mama-circle
Want to share your thoughts on this episode? Comment on Spotify or:
Instagram: @natalie.kmartin
Email: [email protected]
☕️ Support my work: if you’re enjoying my podcast, you can buy me a virtual coffee here! Thank you 🫶🏽 buymeacoffee.com/nataliekmartin
📢 Don’t forget to follow the podcast so you never miss an episode
New episodes every Wednesday🎧 Subscribe on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and leave a quick review — it really helps other mums find the show.