7. Worries of the World

I yelled out “I love you!”

She was headed out to pick up our son,

down the steps she walked away.

I hate that I do this, but I immediately fretted,

“how did that land?”

This compulsion, to think the worst

to worry she’s mad – and to start to plan.

Internally projecting potential failures

has always been my instinct.

Spin up a mental worst case

then worry out ways to protect against it.

Instead of picturing her smiling

assuming, she’s thinking fondly of me.

That my verbal gesture landed softly,

that her offer, to cover pickup

was a gift. And she gave it for free.

Then again the next morning I had a fright

stepping out the back door.

I thought I locked myself – outside

at five-something in the morning.

Frantically I reached back for the door in utter panic!

I just locked myself – outside,

everyone is asleep… Damnit!

Just to realize that of course the door was still un-locked.

Adrenaline though… had already flooded my chest,

Heart,

Reeling,

Shock.

This has always been my torture,

presuming I’m stuck outside, for another hour-

or that a relationship is sinking.

To instantly assume the worst

mash the fight-button and start my thinking.

There’s a problem, and no one else to help

everyone-else is soundly sleeping.

I wonder, am I alone,

or do others face this battle?

Or am I being way too honest?

Of our neuroses, should we not tattle?

At this point in the journey,

I’m not into holding back.

In hopes next time that I’ll remember,

and not give in, to the lie… of lack.

Could I find a new rhythm?

Where I always assume the best.

Stay present to Just What Is.

And take it easier on my chest.

No longer consumed by fears and emotions

the lies that ego conditioning

constantly hurls.

But instead live a life of hope

live “in the world,

not of the world.”*

* Jesus of Nazareth, John 17:14-18

Book: "Into The Now", (presale) by Arch Cowan Jones

Website: Intothenow.org

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