If you’ve been the reliable one for decades...the mediator, the emotional temperature regulator, and lately you’re just tired of cushioning everything for everyone else, this episode is for you.

In this solo episode, host Courtney Cecil unpacks what happens when people-pleasing stops feeling noble and starts feeling expensive.

This conversation is especially for working moms and high performers who are exhausted from managing everyone else’s comfort while quietly overriding their own.

The truth of it is, people-pleasing isn’t just kindness. It’s energy allocation. And what looks like you “losing your filter” might actually be alignment.

💡Inside this episode, we explore...

• Why becoming “less nice” may actually be energy management
• The concept of emotional labor being a form of invisible labor, and how emotional cushioning drains capacity
• How perfectionism and people-pleasing often start early (and follow us into adulthood)
• How midlife biological shifts can change your tolerance for over functioning
• The cost-benefit recalculation that happens when time starts to feel finite
• The double standard women face when we stop emotionally performing for others
• Why systems wobble when you stop performing emotional labor for free
• The guilt spiral many women carry after speaking their truth

Courtney reframes this transition as:

• Moving from automatic compliance to conscious choice
• Recognizing that emotional labor is energy allocation
• Shifting from “How do I keep everyone comfortable?” to “Why am I responsible for everyone’s comfort?”
• Understanding that overfunctioning is not leadership, it’s unsustainable energy leakage

She also shares:

• A personal story about perfectionism and early pressure to “do your best”
• How emotional labor fatigue builds over decades
• Why clarity can feel destabilizing at first
• The difference between dysregulated reactivity and grounded clarity
• Why some relationships evolve and some dissolve when performing for others stops

Protecting your energy doesn’t require becoming sharp. It requires becoming conscious.

🧠 Key reframes to remember:

• People-pleasing is energy allocation
• Emotional labor fatigue is real and cumulative
• When you stop performing for others, systems that depended on it will react
• You’re not becoming difficult, you’re becoming aligned and honoring your truth
• Sustainable performance requires intentional energy protection

If you’ve been questioning your character lately...pause. It's probably not your personality, it's just your capacity recalibrating.

🔗 Resources mentioned in this episode:

📖 “Aging Out of F#cks: The Neuroscience of Why You Can’t Pretend Anymore + How to Stop People Pleasing” by Ellen Scherr (originally published on Substack, Life Branches)

🧭 Boundary Self-Check Quiz (3-minute assessment for mental + relational boundaries)

🎙️ Episode 73: Why managing your energy matters more than managing your time

📝 Waterproof shower notepad Courtney mentioned

If today’s episode hit - especially the parts about emotional labor, guilt loops, or realizing you’ve been performing for free - make sure to listen to Episode 73 next.

You cannot sustainably manage your time while hemorrhaging energy.

Protect it accordingly. ❤️

📈 Keywords:

people pleasing in midlife, emotional labor fatigue, invisible labor in women, over functioning women, burnout and boundaries, energy management for women, high performer exhaustion, sustainable performance, women and workplace double standards, capacity exceeded, mental load in working moms, Courtney Cecil, Life Management System