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81. Boundaries - whose values do you most respect?
Boundaries keep everyone safe and healthy.
A boundary is a decision you make for yourself about what you will do if a certain behaviour happens around you that you don’t want to be around.
A boundary when you remove access to yourself when someone demonstrates that they’re not honouring, respecting or protecting you.
It’s a rule. If, then.
Simple, known ones might be…
No-one is allowed to smoke in my house, if they ask to, I’ll say no and direct them outside. If they ignore me, they’ll be asked to leave, forcefully if need be.
Less obvious ones might be
I don’t like to be touched without prior permission (e.g. may I give you a hug?)
Boudaries have nothing to do with how ‘bad’ the behaviour is.
Are boundaries to keep us safe from others? What is bad?
Boundaries aren’t about controlling or changing other people’s ‘bad behaviour’. It’s about staying true to your values.
Are you coming from s place of love for yourself or the other person.
You shouldn’t believe that they’re not allowed to do what they’re doing or that you are somehow ‘better’.
Who’s values are you honouring? It’s a form of self care.
You should be ready to reinforce it.
If your intent is only to change the other persons behaviour, it likely won’t be successful because your reinforcer won’t come soon enough.
Understand they’re allowed to behave however they want to behave.
Be clear on the boundary - be specific.
e.g. if Uncle Eric talks about my weight, I’ll give him one kind but clear verbal warning and if he does it again, I’m leaving the conversation / house / phonecall
You don’t need to tell the other person this. Sometimes it’s better not to!
Connect with Us!
If you have any questions, comments, concerns or topics that you would like us to cover, please reach out to us!
Facebook
Behave Yourself Podcast (private group)
Instagram:
instagram.com/emily.a.macrae
instagram.com/thebehaviourlady
instagram.com/behaveyourselfpod
Email:
[email protected]
Disclaimer: While we’re both behaviour analysts and qualified in our respective fields, this podcast is for education and information sharing only and should not be taken as personal, medical or behavioral advice or services.
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By Behave YourselfBoundaries keep everyone safe and healthy.
A boundary is a decision you make for yourself about what you will do if a certain behaviour happens around you that you don’t want to be around.
A boundary when you remove access to yourself when someone demonstrates that they’re not honouring, respecting or protecting you.
It’s a rule. If, then.
Simple, known ones might be…
No-one is allowed to smoke in my house, if they ask to, I’ll say no and direct them outside. If they ignore me, they’ll be asked to leave, forcefully if need be.
Less obvious ones might be
I don’t like to be touched without prior permission (e.g. may I give you a hug?)
Boudaries have nothing to do with how ‘bad’ the behaviour is.
Are boundaries to keep us safe from others? What is bad?
Boundaries aren’t about controlling or changing other people’s ‘bad behaviour’. It’s about staying true to your values.
Are you coming from s place of love for yourself or the other person.
You shouldn’t believe that they’re not allowed to do what they’re doing or that you are somehow ‘better’.
Who’s values are you honouring? It’s a form of self care.
You should be ready to reinforce it.
If your intent is only to change the other persons behaviour, it likely won’t be successful because your reinforcer won’t come soon enough.
Understand they’re allowed to behave however they want to behave.
Be clear on the boundary - be specific.
e.g. if Uncle Eric talks about my weight, I’ll give him one kind but clear verbal warning and if he does it again, I’m leaving the conversation / house / phonecall
You don’t need to tell the other person this. Sometimes it’s better not to!
Connect with Us!
If you have any questions, comments, concerns or topics that you would like us to cover, please reach out to us!
Facebook
Behave Yourself Podcast (private group)
Instagram:
instagram.com/emily.a.macrae
instagram.com/thebehaviourlady
instagram.com/behaveyourselfpod
Email:
[email protected]
Disclaimer: While we’re both behaviour analysts and qualified in our respective fields, this podcast is for education and information sharing only and should not be taken as personal, medical or behavioral advice or services.