BLOODY EPISODE 84

‘TRAILER PARK’ 

‘The Willoughbys’ - Here we find Netflix’s newest endeavour, diving into the world of Children’s animation! And what better way to kick it off with a story all kids can get behind, CHILD NEGLECT! Wooooo! The Willoughbys follow the four Willoughby children as they embark on the dream: getting rid of their parents! So they hatch a scheme to send them on a holiday (seemingly to have them killed… legit) and earn their freedom! When they succeed, they all of a sudden are being cared for by a Nanny who loves to siiiiiiiiing! But what’s that? Child protective services are hunting them down! Whatever shall they do?! Crawling onto Netflix like a baby eating candy off a conveyor belt, yesterday! 

‘Survive the Night’ - Bruce Willis and Chad Michael Murray (remember him?) star in this direct to ‘on demand’ high octane action thriller! When two brothers pull off a robbery and are on the run from the cops, they must seek medical attention as one of the brothers got shot in the leg. But where do they go? The hospital? Pfffft, no, they’d get busted! An after hours medical clinic? No way! That’s a direct ticket to jail! What do they do? Follow a doctor to his home and hold his wife, daughter and father hostage until he performs surgery on the injured brother and saves his life at the threat of having his family murdered? Fuck yes! Seems like a reasonable outcome! All I know is this doctor has squeezed his way into a Cottees Jar because you better believe he’s in a JAM now! *Pause for laughter*. Popping into TV screens like a bullet popping into a leg, May 22! 

‘Peninsula’ (aka ‘Train to Busan 2’) Now, we all know we both love a GOOD zombie flick, so what better than a Zombie flick set in a world where ‘Zombie’ and the undead are just, the norm? No no. I’m not talking about a silly comedy like Zombieland, how about a non stop action, thriller, gorefest like Peninsula! Following up on the critically acclaimed 2016 Korean film ‘Train to Busan’ we have this sequel. The world has been overrun by the undead and the norm is now constantly running, blood and dead bodies everywhere and twisted ‘gladiator’ type survival games fighting masses of zombies. Count me the fuck in! One ticket please! Crawling into theatres like a mass horde of Zombies, August 6! 

‘Extraction’ - Did someone tell Netflix they don’t have the budgets of big Hollywood blockbusters?! Well here comes Netflix to prove everyone wrong with this insanely priced, Chris Hemsworth led film Extraction! Hemsworth stars as a mercenary with nothing to lose, sent on a mission to rescue a Drug Lords son who has been kidnapped in a seemingly never ending drug war. Tasked with getting the kid out of a now lockdowned, corrupt city, can he complete his mission without hurting the kid before his time runs out? It’s going to be hard when he keeps throwing the child off of roofs and having grenades go off at his feet! Coming to Netflix like Michael Bay jizzing at an explosion, today! 

‘Capone’ - Al Capone. The most notorious gangster in US history is having another reboot in this new telling of his latter years. Capone (played by the ever talented Tom Hardy) has just been released from prison. Of course the Feds are still watching him like a hawk because they suspect he has stockpiled a bunch of Dollary Doos and it’s only a matter of time before he goes to retrieve it. Only problem is, Capone is suffering from severe dementia and can’t even remember his fucking name. Is this the story of one of the deadliest men in crime history’s fall from Grace, or the brilliant act of a genius pretending to be past his prime? Chomping onto the internet like an alligator chewing a crotch, May 12! 

‘Upload’ - What if you lived in a world that when you die, you can choose your own after life? You could perfectly ‘live’ in a world where you control every aspect of that world and continue your ‘life’ in complete bliss? Well have all your questions answered in this terrifying s