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“Instead of telling people that they have to love themselves before they can love someone else, tell them they need to be happy with who they are first before they can be happy with another. It's easier to understand the concept of being happy with one's self, and might be the right phrasing to get through the communication barriers. Happiness is easier to define than love, and easier to attain.

We're allowed to dislike ourselves from time to time; it gives us room to know we have things to work on. The pressure of having to love ourselves can become feeling like we're unlovable if we're not perfect. It leads us to accept partners who push us to change who we are, feeling the need for outside validation because we haven't allowed ourselves to be happy with who we are.  We chase their approval, trusting that they'll mold us into someone who is perfect, loveable, even if it's only their version of it. All the while, inside you're still feeling conflicted, because all that change won't make you comfortable with who you are. Feeling positive is fleeting, as you can only be happy as long as the other person is happy with who you've been for the day. You'll feel even worse, because you're further than ever from the person who you want to be, but that understanding isn't available to you in the confusion of needing to figure out why you're unlovable if you're being yourself.

By turning your focus to being happy, it creates little steps that are achievable. Take a moment to ask yourself what would honestly make you feel better, and explore those options. It can be anything: music, tea or coffee, a phone call, a shower, something to eat, 5 minutes of quiet, a movie, book, or podcast, a nap, a hobby, a walk, etc. Listen deep for what your mind or body is truly craving, and make time for it. When you start focusing on making time for your needs and wants, you'll slowly gain that footing to be happy, regardless of whatever is going on around you." - Amy Lance