BLOODY EPISODE 86
‘Yasss or Passs: Blassst from the Passst!’ - ‘ April 2010 Edition!
“Well here we are in April 2010! The world is a crazy place right now! A devastating earthquake has just torn Haiti apart and Swine Flu infected up to 200 million people in the last 9 months. The World health organisation got criticised for calling it a pandemic. Jesus.. thank god there won’t be an actual pandemic for at least another 100 years (give or take 90)! But anyway, Kobe Bryant is tearing the NBA up and seems likely to lead the lakers to another championship and my god I am so addicted to Angry Birds!! It just came out in December and I am hooked! My iPhone 3GS is loving it but rumour has it there’s a new ‘iPhone 4’ coming out in June!! Excited! LOL. In movie news, Jeff Bridges and Sandra bullock have just completed the sweep of the Golden Globes and Oscars this year but whatever! That’s old news! I want to know what’s happening in cinema NOW! Grab your popcorn, get your oversized beverages and lets get to the cinema because it’s time for….”
APRIL 1st: ‘Clash of the Titans’ - https://youtu.be/XJNenKqmOMU - Holy CGI Batman, there’s a bit of a Panic at this Disco! If by Disco you mean the mythical times and ohhh baby am I glad this ain’t no documentary! Here we see Percy or Persious or something (it’s Sam Worthington) tasked with taking down the gods that rule the world! Those gods being played by Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes, how can he stop them? How can he give that snake haired bitch a trim?! How can he defeat, THE KRAKEN?! Releasing into theater like a Kraken from the sea, April 1st!
APRIL 9th: ‘Date Night’ - https://youtu.be/aspBKFz2dBI - In this serious action thriller we see an innocent, boring couple get mixed up in a case of mistaken identity as they try to spice things up and take another couples dinner reservation. But that couple, the ‘Triplehorns’, is wanted for theft by a mob boss! Oh no! Steve Carrel and Tina Fey play the couple mixed up with the mob as they turn in darkly, inspiring performances and look to escape the terror of their DATE NIGHT! Busting into theatres like a goofball walking into a glass door, April 9th!
APRIL 16th: ‘Death at a Funeral’ - https://youtu.be/LkbR3nQqcrk - Here comes Hollywood! To potentially ruin a good thing? We’ll see but Chris Rock leads an all star cast in this remake of a British classic from 2007 of the same name, Death at a Funeral. When Chris Rocks father passes, his family of whacky, kookie relatives gather together to pay respect to the fallen man. Only problem is, there’s drugs taken, hands stuck under handicapped people while they try and poop and a little person looking to out their father as having a gay love affair! Whatever shall they do next?! Crashing into theaters like a corpse from a coffin, April 16th!
APRIL 16th: ‘Kick-Ass’ - https://youtu.be/2rpXHqnGDXo - Have you ever wondered, ‘hey, maybe I could be a superhero?’. No, you haven’t? Good! That means you’re sane! Yay! BUT, if you ever did want to be a superhero and had no powers, here comes the blueprint to that experience! We follow a teenager who actually asked himself this question and followed through and became the crime fighter, Kick Ass! He takes the world by storm and spawns his own legion of fans and copy cats, with Nic Cage playing ‘Big Daddy’ and Chloe Grace Moretz as ‘Hit Girl’! And yes, she is about 12 years old, starring in this brutal action film! Looks like everything's coming up Milhouse for them! Unless Mark Strong has anything to say about it… Bursting into theatres like a henchmen’s skull, April 16th!
APRIL 30th: ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ - https://youtu.be/ZuYoEtEI_go - Another remake Hollywood? Really? Wait, it’s a horror remake?! Okay, I’m back in!! Wait, Michael Bay is producing? Well…. fuck! But anyway, for those living under a rock we have a new imagining of world renowned Kiddie Fiddler, Freddy Kruger! When Freddy is murdered by the parents of kids he has done wrong by, t