It was 90 years 364 days before I was born when I saw them dump Marguerite into a pit in the ground. I screamed at the sea with all my 11-year-old might. I told her I hated her guts. I made her feel ashamed to have rolled over the castles I built in the sand. I told her I’d never move for her again. ‘How could you let this be! You murderous divine! You coward! You sick monster! I wont let you live with this twisted fate you’ve dealt. Fuck your tides and fuck your gaze and fuck your might in calling my name. My mind has made up your powers. My soul is out of your reach. I wont leave her for dead!’ I stop yelling at the ocean like a lunatic and get back on my bike. I’m headed to Dove Street. Not the one with the canyon, the one that dips down the hillside. The one that climbs up to the one with the stars, the one where I laid beside her on the warm cement, she put he fingers on my tummy for the first time. She asked if I wanted chocolate. Then she jumped up, smiled wide, and ran inside. I thought she’d never come back when she ran away that night. But she did. It popped in my mouth when I sucked on it, the chocolate she gave me. I tried to kiss her. It didn’t work. I was way too nervous to make a move. I picked up her palm and put it back on my body, where it fit perfectly, where I knew it belonged, where my pelvic bone dips in to meet the top of my thigh. The moment becomes only the present one. Its not a memory anymore. My presence becomes everything alive. My stomach tightens. I start tearing up, but I hide it. I smile and say nothing, even though I’m dying to tell her my whole story. My whole story has become three thousand lifetimes long and the future is a big part of it. She’ll never believe a word. She’ll never trust that I know. She asks why I’m crying. I say I’m not.

‘Bullshit, Sage! I know a crybaby when I see one. Fess up!’

I confess, ‘because I have no choice but to obey. I love you already and I’m afraid you wont feel the same way. I’m afraid that I will be too slow. I’m afraid I will run away. I’m afraid, you’ll let go.’

She takes her hand off my skin and rolls on to her belly, directs my face to her gaze and stares straight into my steel blue peepers. She laughs like a woman who’s seen everything in the whole world repeat itself, generation after generation. ‘Ha! I swear the sun is in your eyes boy. Listen. Your love is nothing to be afraid of. Let me tell you what I see. I see that you need me. I’m not afraid. I see that you want me. I know this, because you are mine. And in order to be mine, you must want everything. You should know Charlie boy, that I take what is mine.’

I try to kiss her again, but she keeps talking before I can roll over and get close enough. Now I’m on my belly too, and definitely close enough, too close even; but it’s too late. ‘Cause when she gets too explaining, look out! She’s got an answer for everything.

‘You are most beautiful at dawn baby girl. Every time the sun rises, I could swear it was you. I thought you should know that.’

‘I don’t need you.’ I whimper. But she already knows our whole story from start to finish and I am nothing but a part of it. I am only hers. I push my chin out to tap her chin and graze her lips with my own. She breathes life into me. Her breath smells like chocolate covered cashews and red wine. She startles and remembers what time it is, grabs both sides of my cheeks with one hand and squeezes my lips into a fish face. ‘Boy! You must’ve lost your damn mind! I can’t kiss you! I’m only nine. My daddy would kill me.’ That was three months before she died. I hate her daddy, some sergeant in some army, brags about how he can kill me with one decent backhand. He never liked me. I think it was because I stared him right in the eyes when he made me cry. When he buried her, he didn’t even let me show up. Told me my tears were wasted, told me to fuck off when I wanted to cry, called me a baby. Said I’d never make in a world like this one. I spat on his stupid white sneakers. I watched from a tree. It took me two years to climb down from that thing. Every time I tried I got scared that I’d dig a hole right next to her and dream. It took me over a decade to find my way back to this street. It’s different now, because I sing everywhere I go. It took me a lifetime of courage to walk back up that stupid hill, take a left, remember where the heart is, remember where I left her, and bring her back to life. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I dug up her grave last night. Turns out her daddy buried her alive. Turns out all she needed were her own eyes reflecting out of mine. Tonight she’s 32 and I’m 29 and I need to write a story. But I can’t stop crying. I cant stop jumping on my bike and racing home. I can’t stop dreaming! Tonight I do not dream alone.

Tonight she holds me close.

Tomorrow she never lets go.