"I've never met a penis before!"

In which the throbbing members discuss losing their socially constructed virginity. It's about as cringey as it sounds, so you better listen. 

Virginity References

DISCLAIMER: VIRGINITY IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT AND IN OUR SOCIETY TYPICALLY HAS A PHALLO-CENTRIC DEFINITION!

Now that that's out of the way...

Sissel

Let's begin with Sissel's story. She was very sexually frustrated... for most of her life, but also kind of scared of it all? So she eventually forced the issue. All of the unrequited crushes never worked out, so she "found" a guy getting off a bus to have sex with instead! Tall, dark haired, pierced ears, her type. ;)

So she and a friend texted a boy, who texted a boy, who eventually texted Sissel back... This began a month long text affair, that fizzled till until Sissel said the magical words that will make any teenage boy fuck you... "I wanna climb your body like a jungle gym."

So she finally met him in person, and they made brownies. And after he pulled some smooth moves she had her first kiss!

Eventually after some teenage crime together she met up with him and had her first sexual experiences! Cunnilingus! Then the next night she came over to his house and he...fucked her really bad. It was very bad. It was not good.

It was an awkward first time... It hurt, and then once inside she couldn't feel anything. So it was weird and awkward and they only had a short term little fling with a few more sexscapades until he started dating some other girl and she found out on Facebook. #2010breakups.

She didn't necessarily describe it as badly to her friends after the fact, she did focus mostly on the cunnilingus... because that shit was baller.

It was not a traumatic experience and her heart was not broken.

The media has portrayed first time sex as something between two committed partners OR rape, lol. Sissel wasn't really looking for either of those things. Fortunately, prior to her first time had a friend with benefits scenario showcased to her that made her decision to lose her "virginity" with a relative stranger much easier.

Sissel had a goal: losing virginity. And then she did it! Check.

She contemplated being in a relationship with this younger man, but the circumstances never really fell into place to make that work. He was a "bad boy" (he wasn't really) who got sent away from his parents to live with his aunt, and he smoked pot... Scandalous.

#noragrets though

Hannah

Picture this somewhere in the Midwest 2011... Hannah had already had her first kiss in the past, and it was now her freshman year of college. Fingering is weird and bad unless done properly. Why was she naked with his fingers inside her? Who knows...

Golden Girls ya know?

They went on an awkward cute date beforehand in which he tried to appease Hannah's vegetarianism by ordering just broccoli. (Where is the protein???). Later, they tried to have sex and it hurt so they stopped. The next day she came back to watch "Winter's Bone." Hannah does not like this movie...