BLOODY EPISODE 96

Secret Society of Second-Born Royals - Disney Plus is at it again! This time with a brand new original film aimed at pre-teens…. and maybe me? The story follows Sam, a regular teenager angry at society and ‘the man’ as she is constantly getting into trouble with the law, but there’s one catch. She’s gosh dang royalty! (To what kingdom I have no idea so please don’t ask). After getting herself into too much trouble in the shadow of her older sister (who is of course going to be queen), she gets sent away to a new school but not just any school, it’s the ‘Secret Society for Second Born Royals’! Her and her new classmates discover that while they may not be in line for the throne, they all have super powers!! Ka-Blam! And for generations the ‘second in lines’ have protected their kingdoms! Bombing onto Disney Plus like a former Glee cast members career, 17th of July! 

‘Perry Mason’ - This 8 episode television series takes place in Los Angeles, circa 1932. A down on his luck detective, or more accurately as he says ‘Just a fancy word for Busy Body’, accidentally stumbles upon the case of a lifetime. There isn’t too much revealed about the case but we can see in the trailer at least 3 men, a couple of women and at least one child (“WONT SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!”) are murdered in what we can assume is a case of a serial killer. Along the way we find out that he suspects the possibility of the police, the city and even the church are involved in a huge scheme or cover up! With a stacked cast of Emmy winners including Matthew Rhys, Tatiana Maslany and the legend himself John Lithgow, this is one I am very excited for!! Oh wait, it’s coming to HBO… NEVER FUCKING MIND! 21st of June. 

‘Summerland’ - Last week we had a couple of absolutely edge of your seat war Epics, this week, we have Summerland! During World War II, a female novelist (I know right, a LADY writing books? Preposterous!) finds herself the new guardian to a young boy whose dad is off fighting in the war (we assume his mum is dead?). She initially says fuck this kid and doesn’t want a part of him cause she’s busy with her stories. But he won’t stop…. being a kid and low and behold, he grows on her. She opens up to him about life, love and lesbian-ism and ohhhh boy this story took a turn! For a minute there I thought this might be a creepy love story but nope she’s a scissor sister and now we have a story! Then his dad dies. Lots to unwrap here! Crashing into theaters like a war plane into the heart of a child, July 24th. 

‘Dating Amber’ - Oh a wee spot of British humour is whot you’d like to go wif your croompets and tea?! Well here you go you golly wockle! Now that I have nailed my British accent and not stopped once to question Mitchell’s brilliant writing because I 100 percent understood the humour he was going for there, we can Discuss ‘Dating Amber’! Here we find two teenagers, Eddie and Amber, who are different then the other kids in their school… pause for dramatic effect… because they’re gay! And what do you do when you realize the truth and aren’t comfortable enough with yourself to admit it? You date another gay person and pretend to be straight! Sound confusing? It’s not really, it almost has a shade of ‘Easy A’ to it. But the story follows them as they discover themselves and their friendship and learn to accept who they are. Guzzling onto Amazon like a teen drinking cow piss, now! 

‘Dantza’ - This. Now THIS is what Trailer Park was made for! In the trailer for ‘Dantza’ (that’s Dant-Za, not Dancer),  we see After a hard working day in the field, the heavens open and a ferocious storm breaks out. When the rain eases off, life sprouts from the previously barren soil. A piece of fruit grows, ripens on the tree after surviving the scourge of the blight and goes on to turn into a juicy green apple from which cider is nicely produced. Then it is time to celebrate the bumper harvest and drink a toast to love! Now, let me be honest h