This week we're shaking off the despair of a nuclear war one-two punch and staying in the made-for-tv mode for something incredibly dumb. Where Threads and The Day After are significant television events, this week's movie is anything but. It's a baffling riff on both popular haunted house movies of the era and classic gothic horror but that's about as coherent as the vision gets. Everything that follows is an exhausting exercise in early 80's made-for-tv drivel.

Parker Stevenson, fresh off his run as Frank Hardy in the Hardy Boys Mysteries is joined by Lisa Eilbacher, Joan Bennet, and Slim Pickens for a stay at a far-too-modern for gothic horror house in southern California. Either the house itself, or the extremely sophisticated security system is in love with Eilbacher's character. We can't really figure it out. Ultimately it doesn't matter because the charm lies in precisely how artless and strange this movie is. Also, you get a few musical numbers.

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Tonight! On a very special 99 Cent Rental we take a trip back to 1983 to take in the movie that shocked the 100 million Americans that watched in horror as the world ended in a nuclear fireball before their very eyes. As the 80's ground on and The United States and The Soviet Union were running out of puppet governments and proxy wars to fight the status of nuclear war became less a matter of if and more a matter of when. The ABC network sought to send a sobering message to the people of America who had been convinced that we could win a nuclear war by delivering an uncompromising made-for-TV epic that detailed what would happen after everything had been obliterated.

A stacked cast of excellence paint a picture of a shattered America in the last days of humanity. The sheer scope of our nuclear weapons are put on the screen. We see an entire city in middle America blasted off the face of the Earth forever. We see the survivors of the blast struggling to stay alive in the face of hunger, sickness, and radiation poisoning. Dave is less than impressed with the movie and struggles with the political struggle that informed the possibility of a nuclear holocaust. Bryan's feelings on the movie are much more complicated, having grown up within a few miles of two high priority nuclear targets as all this was going down.

It's our longest episode yet and we have thoughts. There will be no survivors.

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This week Bryan and Dave take you back to the New York City of 1990 with a look at what might be Abel Ferrara's most focused movie, King of New York. With a dynamite cast of killers, including Christopher Walken at his best, Laurence Fishburne carrying practically the entire movie on his shoulders, David Caruso, Wesley Snipes, and Giancarlo Esposito, King of New York presents a morally gray crime movie where everyone, even the cops, are just the worst. Crime is the blood that keeps the city alive in this movie and an unreliable narrator is going to do his best to convince you that his crusade to run the criminal underground and thereby the entire city is just, good, and right.

Stylish, slick, and kinetic, King of New York is like a Pixies song with loud, outrageous, and violent scenes of criminal carnage punctuated by quiet meditations on morality. It's bleak, nihilistic, and the brothers can't help but notice that this very-much American cops and robbers movie feels much, much more like the Italian Polizziotteschi reflections which makes the film's subtle social and political undertones feel that much more pronounced.

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This week we're hanging by a thread as we take a look at one of the strangest, sleaziest movies we've done yet, Mad Foxes. A few movies in our past have driven us to the brink of madness but none so powerfully as this Swiss/German/Spanish co-production that was intended to be a sequel-in-name-only of the American action movie, Stingray.

Music video director Paul Grau approached his producer friend Erwin Dietrich with an idea to produce a comedy and ended up with the assignment to instead produce a violent action movie and since the producer was also a big name in the world of European sexploitation the movie had a mandate to also be full of sex and nudity and man alive, did Paul Grau miss the mark. Starring Jose Gras, credited as Robert O'Neil, it tells the story of a man, his car, and the high cost of being so cool when Nazi bikers assault his lady and kill his parents. Again, because his car is just too cool.

Somehow having four writer credits, this movie comes off like it was written by one twelve year old boy. Very little of it makes sense. A lot of it is maddening to behold and if you're not ready for it you're going to be surprised by precisely how many penises are in this movie.

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This week Dave surprises Bryan with a movie with a title that is at once a good description and a terrible misrepresentation. They're going to Germany for a look at Martin Walz's very gay 1996 horror comedy, Killer Condom. Based on the comic of the same name (and the follow-up, Down To The Bone) by German cartoonist, Ralf Konig, Killer Condom (Kondom des Grauens) tells the story of New York City in the grips of terror as carnivorous condoms bite the penis off of the city's men left and right. It's also a touching love story as Detective Luigi Macaroni shakes his jaded feelings on love and comes to terms with feelings for the rentboy who keeps distracting him from his job.

Distributed by Troma, Killer Condom was thrust out into the English-speaking world on the vague promise of the outrageous, politically incorrect comedy you've come to expect from the house that Toxie built but this sells the movie short as it's actually a very human love story and a not-so-subtle meditation on the AIDS crisis. Now, it IS a movie made in the 90's and hasn't exactly aged well but reckon with a little transphobia and racism and you find a terribly unique movie that was way ahead of its time.

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As our Pride series continues we drop the first 99 Cent Rental episode looking at the extremely complicated history of William Friedkin's gay leather giallo Americano, Cruising (1980), starring Al Pacino. Dave's research and history expertise about this period of urban gay culture comes in handy as we contrast Friedkin's attempt to provoke and shock against the reality of gay night life at leather bars, BDSM bars, and the cruising scene in the days before apps and the internet made casual encounters in the park obsolete.

We also look at the organized movements to protest Cruising and convince theaters not to show the movie, explore whether or not Friedkin was exploiting the gay BDSM scene for cheap shocks, and whether or not this is a good movie. Did Cruising do more harm than good? Does it get anything right? The answer, as always, is: it's complicated.

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This week we're going down under for a look at the 1989 post-apocalypse sports movie, Blood of Heroes starring Rutger Hauer and Joan Chen. Also known as Salute of the Jugger, it's a late entry into the Maxploitation wave of the 80's but rather than being the usual quest for water or women, it's an underdog story about a team of misfits who play a violent future sport involving a dog's skull instead of a ball. What's a jugger? Don't worry about it, baby! Will they climb the ranks out of their place beating up on village and peasant teams? Will they make it to the big city and win it all when they face the pros? Probably. I mean, it's a sports movie at heart and that's what usually happens in those movies.

Blood of Heroes sports a significantly better cast than you're probably expecting with Hauer, Chen, Vincent D'Onofrio, and Delroy Lindo all slumming it. The production is also executed by a surprising cohort of filmmakers who we have to thank for the original Mad Max movies which explains why it's so competently made and looks so authentically post-apocalyptic from the people who brought us the subgenre in the first place.

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This week Bryan and Dave take a trip down south to Orlando, Florida for a look at the utterly baffling but thoroughly charming martial arts movie from Grandmaster YK Kim, Miami Connection. This one's got it all. You get a rock and roll band that's also a bunch of taekwondo black belt vigilantes, a scummy gang of coke dealin' rednecks, ninjas on motorcycles, and a battle of the band that is a little more literal than you might be expecting. Along the way you'll learn a thing or two about how great taekwondo is and the power of friendship and family.

Utterly trashed upon release and rejected by nearly every distributor that saw it, Miami Connection nearly ruined YK Kim but his sheer force of personality saw it through and the good folks at AGFA and The Alamo Drafthouse in Austin saw a sincerity in it that its contemporaries utterly lacked. It's because of this that Miami Connection roared back into life and lives comfortably in the hearts of all who see it. We love it so much that Grandmaster Kim graces our own podcast art.

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Heeeeeeeere we are! Born to be kings! We're talking immortals, sword fighting, decapitations, Queen! It's 1986's cult classic, Highlander, an absolute mess of a movie that somehow, against all odds, has amassed a worldwide following of super fans. It's a little bit of column A and a little bit of column B, just a mishmash of nerdy tropes thrown together and somehow working together in a way that made every twelve year old boy a megafan.

Christopher Lambert plays a brooding Scottish guy who must fight a crazy evil heavy metal black knight while Sean Connery chews scenery. It's all sword fighting all the time and a soundtrack provided by Queen that is easily as memorable as the entire movie. Russell Mulcahy is out here putting his music video filmmaking skills to work on a stylish action adventure that endures as an unstoppable cult movie item that Bryan and Dave are at a loss to explain.

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This week we're getting real stupid with it and looking at Cannon Film's ultimate ninja festival, American Ninja from 1985. This one hits all the high notes for the 80's. Michael Dudikoff makes his starring debut playing an American soldier with a mysterious past who must fight evil ninjas to stop an arms dealer from selling missiles to communists in Central America or maybe it's Angola. Who can say? We also break down the dubious political conditions of The Philippines and the dictatorship of Ferdinand Marcos that made so many cheesy low budget action movies, the intense, apocalyptic conditions of the late Cold War, and the wild abandon with which Cannon made jingoistic action movies for the American market.

This absolutely ridiculous movie is one of the dumbest movies we've watched so far and we cannot resist its stupid allure. It's got just about everything a twelve year old boy could want in an action movie. They're ninjas! And they're freaking out!

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