Ha! I lied. Mommy aint fine kiddo, mommy is in some serious trouble. Mommy forgot she was a gangsta. She forgot she was born at the bottom of the pool. Mommy got out and forgot her little newborn was still floating around somewhere. Good thing babies know how to swim. I guess. The girl still died somewhere along the line. But not before she beat the fuck out of every fucker trying to steal her place in the street. Yeah, mommy is fucked. Mommy is wearing cotton spun by dying hands. She feels it, but she has no fucking idea what the feeling is. Feels like something that needs to be cured. Don’t feel like nothing a little sleeping pill wont fix. Hey honey, why do you think you cant sleep? Huh? Yeah girl, you aint sleepy! Your body just so happens to remember who lies awake in the night. Too bad, huh? Your body remembers the scum of the earth. Such a drag, eh? Wouldn’t you rather remember me? Wouldn’t you like to forget this crap you’re hanging on to for dear life? What if my thick babygirl thighs were the only things you owned? My babyboy ass squeezes tight when he remembers getting fucked by you. But hey, you never know. Its fucking amazing, the power of presence, showing your face could change every little thing. Showing up in the spaces where fear is thick and death is rich, that might just make the only difference worth making. But who am I mommy? You got your prioritize, of course. You can’t get rid of your shit. You’ve got a plastic mop with 37 pieces. First put the plastic thing on the plastic spinning shit. Then take the other plastic thing out of the plastic, take off the first layer of plastic, but only the first, then slap that shit on the bottom. If it doesn’t stick, spit on the other plastic shit in the bag, and glue it together. Then watch it all sink to the bottom of the ocean. But whatever you do baby, don’t let nobody steal your stupid shit. 

I’m cranky as fuck. I’m staring at the wine. I don’t want anything. Fuck. How the fuck can I be this powerful and still not able to fix this shit? I call bullshit. I catch sight of her. White helmet. She stops at the end of the isle, starts playing on her phone. Looking for something, cutie? Ha! No I cant say that shit. She aint lost. I aint as smooth as I think I am. My golden ticket is this cute shit I do where I get all nervous and goofy, then I smile and then your fucked. Really. You’ll do whatever the fuck I want, just like that. I cant save shit? Hmm… something aint adding up kid, feels like you’ve been lying out your ass this whole damn time. Fuck your truth, it ant mine. I keep staring. I want to look away ‘cause I feel socially inappropriate. But simultaneously I couldn’t give a shit about my social surroundings. I let all these contradictions swim inside of me. I pick to act on the ones that feel the most childlike. Then I suit up in a face that fits in and play real cute for these fools to get what I want. I know exactly what I’m doing. Too damn bad if you trust what you don’t know. Too bad if you believe a single thing that I say. Its fiction baby, don’t be so temperamental. You got feelings? Prove it! Show me! She moves, quick jerky movements, to the breadbox. She starts shifting through all the baguettes frantically, lifting tossing staring sighing. She chooses none. She wants nothing. I want her. I move closer. I start staring at shit that I don’t want through flour stained glass. She stops. She moves the extra inch that puts her in my reach. She reaches. Her hand finds my fingertips.  

‘Do I know you?’ she whispers into the back of my left ear.

She lets go and runs before I breathe out, let alone say a single word. When I get outside, her bike is leaning against mine. She walks to other side of the green metal ring, leans over and says nothing.

‘Our bikes really have to stop meeting up like this. Seems they are dead set on being buddies.’

She giggles. ‘But if it’s meant to be, what’re we supposed to do while their leaning against each other?’

‘We could shoot? You play? We could do nothing. Want nothing. See nothing but ourselves through each other.’ 

She unlocks her chain and jumps on her wheels, ‘Sounds boring boy. How ‘bout you chase me instead?’ 

I can’t get my shit unlocked in time. I lose sight. I start running again. My spine is healing and the strength I’m building around it is godlike. I can swim to bottom of a fence in the ocean and dig for the end, rip it right out of my precious sand. All in one breath, I can make every line of separation disappear. Poof! 

Get back here girl. I need your hips to help me dance all over the brand new world I’m building. I need you to rule. I have no desire outside of you.

I’m running down the cold stairs of an underground metro. I pass her mid-landing. I freeze. I spin around. She sees me. She keeps climbing. She stops, looks back. Turns to walk away again but doesn’t move. She stays still, she remembers. She finds my eyes again and doesn’t look away. She starts towards me. I can’t move. She steps right up to my boyish grin and pushes her noes close to mine, ‘do I know you?’

            ‘I cant remember. But yes, I think you must. Are we dreaming?’

            When I wake up I’m locking my bike to another metal ring, outside the library. She passes me again. I remember. I run up behind her and tap her shoulder. ‘Tag! You’re it.’ 

            I laugh louder than I’ve ever laughed in my goddamn life and run away.

            It’s your turn babygirl. I’ve got an entire world to save. Don’t waste my precious time. Hunt me down like the dog that I am and make me mine. I’ve been singing your soul. Reach deep inside me while I’m bleeding, I’ll let you taste freedom, I’ll let you feel home.

            Seriously. All jokes aside, I’m gonna stop cussing for five seconds. Then I’ll probably start up again. I’m the blue baseball cap. I think you’re so cute, it’s the way you move girl. It’s always been the way your precious soul moves your flesh and bones. Come for me! I really want to know you. Hey Mami. Look at me! Aren’t you just the tiniest bit curious who you are? 

Five. 

Four. 

Three.

Two. 

One.

Fuck you. 

Own me!

I’m yours.