On this episode we are wrapping up our conversation on the importance of sex in marriage. We have dove into this topic and have explored things you or your spouse could be doing to harm your sex life and ways you both can make it better. Let's look at two more tips before we go.

 

Do Not Watch Porn

Porn is extremely dangerous to a marriage. It will in no way unite you and your spouse. Porn will only cause division and other issues. 

For more information about the dangers of porn check out Mark Gungor.

 

Create A Sex Bucket List

Our last tip is to create a sex bucket list. Sit down together and make a list of things you want to do and places you want to do it. Have fun and get creative. 

Now Go Have Fun

We pray these tips will help you to grow the sex life you and your spouse both desire in your marriage. Sex is a good gift from God that is specifically for marriage. Don’t waste the gift you have been given! Now go and have a great and wild time with your spouse.

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

 

With this episode we are continuing the conversation on ways to improve your sex life. So far we have given you five ways to grow your intimacy.

Spend Quality Time Together

Talk About It

Please and Be Pleased

Don't Rely on Your Mood

Don't Overlook the Quickie

Let's dive into the next three.

Get Creative

Don’t just do the same old things in the same old places. Have sex in a different room, or a different place altogether. Roleplay and dress up. Remember we said you should talk about sex with your spouse? Ask them what one of their fantasies is, and make it a reality. There is no reason for your sex life to be boring. Make it fun and spontaneous by being a little creative.

Relive Your Dating/Engagement Period

Remember when you were dating or engaged and the passion was tangible. Remember how you couldn’t wait to see them and you most definitely couldn’t keep your hands off them. Why not relive that time? Is there a certain place that is special to you because of a date? Maybe somewhere you use to go and make out? Go back and relive those moments! Remember what attracted you to your spouse in the first place.

Dirty Talk

Married people should be the ones having the wild and amazing sex, not single people. If that is the case why not use everything in your arsenal to make sure the sex is great? Start sending your spouse naughty texts during the day. Maybe send a picture here and there. If you spend your whole day thinking about what is going to happen later, not only will the sex be great, it will make your day better as well because you will be looking forward to something wonderful.

 

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

God’s plan for sex in marriage is one of enduring intimacy. He created sex as a good gift to be enjoyed within the confines of marriage. Biblically it should be the married couples having the wild and amazing sex, not the single people.  In our last episode, we gave you two ways to start having better sex, let’s pick back up that discussion.

 

Please And Be Pleased

Once you know what your spouse likes, do it. Sex is not about being selfish. Make your spouse and their pleasure your focus. There is something very gratifying when we stop trying to be fulfilled and focus on fulfilling someone else. As Christians, we know this to be true but I don’t believe we always apply this to our sex lives. When we aim to please our spouses, our spouses will most likely respond in the same way. It’s a win-win for everyone.

Don’t Rely On Your Mood

There will be plenty of times in marriage where sex can not happen because of legitimate issues. So with that in mind, let’s not turn down the opportunity when it can. Just because you are “not in the mood” is not a good excuse.  Instead of using it as an excuse not to, use sex to change it!

Don’t Overlook The Quickie

In marriage, you do not always have candlelight and romance, but maybe you have ten minutes while your baby is napping. Perhaps you both have a few minutes before you have to get ready for work. Let’s take advantage of these little pockets of time to be intimate with our spouses. 

 

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

10 Ways to Have Better Sex

 

Teaser:

On our last three podcasts, we discussed 10 things that could damage your intimacy with your spouse. We dealt with the problem first because if you try to fix something without dealing with the problem, you will only have a big problem in the end.

In the next few episodes we will be discussing 10 things you can do to help improve your sex life. So let’s dive in.

10 Ways to Have Better Sex Spending Quality Time Together

Sex should not be the only time you attempt to spend with your spouse. Find out what interests them and share that with them. Find ways to connect with your spouse in a nonsexual way every day. This will build your relationship all around not only in the bedroom.

Talk About It

You would think that if you can have sex with your spouse, you would be able to talk about sex with your spouse. Strangely enough, that is not always the case. Talking about sex with your spouse may be very awkward, but it is a way you can make your sex life better. This allows you to discover what they like and don’t like, and vice versa. With that knowledge, you can spend your time intentionally doing things that turn them on!

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

Last week we gave you more things that could be damaging or even killing your sex life. Your sex life is such an important part of your marriage and should be thriving not dying. 

On our last two episodes we talked about...

Distractions

Constantly shutting down your spouse

Critical Words

Body Image

Comparison

Being Too Busy

Poor Routine

Let's look at a few more things that could be hindering your sex life.

Getting Too Comfortable

I love the fact that I am comfortable being myself in my marriage. That is one of the many facets of marriage. It is a place to be loved unconditionally, even the imperfect side of me that no one else sees. However, we can take comfort too far.

During the dating phase, you probably would have literally died if you farted or burped in front of the other person. You definitely didn’t let them in the bathroom while you occupied it. You didn’t go around scratching whatever itched or wearing dirty clothes. Yet, we do these very things in marriage and wonder why our spouses aren’t throwing themselves on us.

Let’s be comfortable, but not take it too far. Set back up some of the dating boundaries and you might get some of the dating attention.

Selfishness

The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Corinthians 7:3-4

Being selfish is easy to do, it is our human nature. It is our natural response to focus on what we want or need. Unfortunately, selfishness can also be an intimacy killer. If your only goal in the bedroom is to fulfill your needs, that is not very alluring for the other person. Sex in marriage needs to be a place where both people are being satisfied.

Weaponizing Sex

We saved the most dangerous sex life killer for last. Using sex as a weapon is the quickest way to kill intimacy in your marriage. Sex is a gift, not a prize. Sex should never be withheld due to bad behavior, or as a prize for good behavior. In the sanctity of marriage, sex should never be conditional. It is a privilege we get to enjoy in marriage, not earn.

 

Sex Life Killers Part 2

Last week we gave you three things that could be damaging or even killing your sex life. Your sex life is such an important part of your marriage and should be thriving not dying. 

On our last episode we talked about...

1. Distractions

2. Constantly shutting down your spouse

3. Critical Words

Let's look at a few more things that could be hindering your sex life.

 

Comparison

Comparison is a relationship killer in general. It has the ability to take a person who has so much and make them believe they have nothing.  Comparison always leaves you feeling less-than. Comparison can kill intimacy on multiple levels. 

Pushing through this can be hard, but we were never meant to be like other people. Your spouse didn’t choose someone else. They chose and love you. Don’t let comparison steal your intimacy.

Body Image

Comparison is a great segue to our next point. A lot of people simply let themselves go and do not take care of their bodies after marriage. One major sex life killer can be refusing to take care of our bodies after we get married. The pressure to “win” a spouse is off, so we get lazy and sloppy.

NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY – We are not saying you have to be bone skinny or have six-pack abs for the rest of your life to be happily married. That is impossible, BUT you can take care of yourself. You can be healthy.

Being Too Busy

If I had to guess, you probably have a to-do list that is a mile long. This world glorifies busyness. If you are overwhelmed, unrested, and unhealthy, clearly you are a go-getter who will be happy and successful someday. 

If you are too busy to have sex, you are too busy. Prioritize your marriage and your spouse. Choose them over a to-do list. The list will be there tomorrow, and after good sex, you may be more energized to get it accomplished.

Having A Poor Routine

Another sex life killer is falling into a poor routine. Always doing the same thing is boring. Spice things up. Do it in a different place, at a different time of day. If you have to schedule sex to make sure it is a priority, that is fine but be creative about everything else. It doesn’t always have to be the same old sex. Sex can be scheduled, intentional, and yet exciting. It just takes a little planning and prep.

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

 

 

Sex is a great thing! Most people spend the majority of their single lives trying to get as much of it as possible. But there is a problem that can happen in marriage… Once married, you can have sex all you want…but for many people and for many different reasons sex stops… join us as we talk about the things that can kill off a good sex life.

What the Word Says about Sex in Marriage

Your spring water is for you and you only, not to be passed around among strangers. Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose—don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted! Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a prostitute? for dalliance with a promiscuous stranger?

Proverbs 5:18-20

Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it.

1 Corinthians 7:5

Ways You Could Ruin Your Sex Life In Marriage 1.Having Too Many Distractions

What are you doing when you and your spouse are together? Are you on your phone, watching tv, or preoccupied with something else? Distractions can take up a large portion of our day if we are not careful.

Instead of coming home and picking up the remote or your phone, maybe come home and try to “pick up” your spouse. 

2.Constantly Shutting Down Your Spouse

One thing that could be severely hurting your sex life is constant shutdowns. Is your spouse putting the offer on the table only to walk away rejected? Sometimes sex can’t happen for a variety of reasons, but why not take advantage of the times it can? I know you may not “feel like it”, but instead of saying no all the time, honor your spouse by saying yes. The fact that they are pursuing you shows they are attracted to you and want to be with you.

3.Using Critical Words

What is the atmosphere of your home like? Is it a life-giving place where you feel safe to be yourself? Or is it a critical place where you or your spouse feel like you are walking on eggshells? What words are you predominantly speaking to each other? Are they positive or critical? If you are constantly being critical toward your spouse, they will not want to show intimacy towards you. Change your words, change your sex life.

Join us on the next episode as we will give you more things that could be damaging to your sex life!

 

www.abeautifuladventuremarriage.com

 

Sex and Marriage Talking about sex can be tricky. It is easy for this topic to become awkward, silly, or even inappropriate. We don’t want that to happen here. We do however want to stress how important sex is in a marriage.  Marriage is to be held in honor among all [that is, regarded as something of great value], and the marriage bed undefiled [by immorality or by any sexual sin]; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Hebrews 13:4 Amplified Version Sex is a good thing when it is kept in the marriage relationship. Sex has many purposes but one of those purposes is for the unity, commitment, and enjoyment between two people that are married. Sex is a good gift that we are to share in marriage alone. If you want your sex life to get better you will have to do something about it. Sitting down with your spouse is a great place to start. Take a moment and ask these questions. How is it going? Are you and your spouse happy with what is happening in your bedroom? Are things awesome or is there room for improvement? Is it exciting or mundane? Does it happen often or hardly ever? Do both people initiate it or is it the same person all the time? Are you trying new things or just doing the same things over and over?  I know these are questions that can be hard to answer, but these are the questions that need to be addressed between a married couple. Like I said earlier some marriages end because one or both people in the relationship have unmet sexual needs.  Be real with your answer. If you are not happy with your sex life right now it probably means your spouse isn’t either. Acknowledging the problem is the first step in doing something about it. 

 

John J. Beckley once said, “Most people don’t plan to fail, they fail to plan.” This can be applied to every area of life. No one wakes up in the morning and plans to fail. Every marriage has dreams and goals. The problems come when we fail to make a plan to make those dreams and goals a reality. Without a plan with intentional steps, most if not all, dreams and goals will go unaccomplished, and we don’t want that to happen in your marriage.

Join us for this episode as we give you a 4 Step Marriage Plan to help accomplish your goals and dreams.

4 Steps to Create a Marriage Plan Dream Together

Sit down with your spouse and dream together. Take as long as you need on this step. Some dreams come to mind instantly, but others often come with process time. Take a few days both together and separately to pray and think through what your dreams are for your marriage.

Identify Obstacles and Strategies to Overcome Them

Why would we ask you to identify obstacles right after you have identified your dreams? So you can come up with strategies to overcome those obstacles. This is probably the most critical step in this process because we all have obstacles, and it is easy to get overwhelmed and give up when we come across one.

Plot Out Your Next Step

Once you have your dream, and the strategy for the obstacles, plot out your next steps together. These steps will be specific actions that will need to take place to accomplish the dream, and who is responsible for those actions. 

Don’t assume you and your spouse are on the same page here. Be very specific in who is responsible for what, that way both of you can walk out the steps appropriately.

Set Deadlines

Now that you have the dream, and the steps to accomplish it, make it measurable. Set a deadline to have the dream accomplished, but make sure the deadline is feasible. For example, if your dream is to be debt free, but you can’t accomplish that dream in 6 months, don’t set a 6-month deadline.

Make your deadlines attainable. This will bring joy when the deadline is met, instead of frustration when it isn’t. Set yourself up for success.

Then Repeat…

You may have a lot of dreams and plans for your marriage. If that is the case, don’t get overwhelmed. You can only accomplish something one thing at a time. So pick a few dreams, accomplish them, and then pick some more and repeat.

The 10 Commandments for Blended Families

In the same way Jesus summarized the law and the prophets in two great commandments, so the 10CBF can be summarized in what I call the 2 Pillars: 1. Be the adult you want your child(ren) to become. 2. Remember the Golden Rule and treat others the way you want to be treated.

I. Communicate Well - Over communicate with all adults involved: choose a format/technology that works, and use it. When in doubt, communicate about it.

II. Always Show Respect - Be respectful, calm, and patient with everyone involved, even if you’re the only one doing it.

III. Use Discernment - Learn to choose your battles very carefully: differentiate between personal dislikes and ‘red flag’ issues.

IV. Give Way Graciously - Be willing to graciously give way on minor issues. Yes, this comes with risk, but it’s still the right thing to do sometimes.

V. Choose to Believe the Best - Choose to believe the best about the other household, and be sure to celebrate and acknowledge it when you see it

VI. Express Genuine Gratitude - Be sure to show gratitude as often as possible whenever a joint agreement is reached, even on minor matters.

VII. Model Maturity and Wisdom - Remember every day that you are the adult, and your task is to model maturity and wisdom for your children. Your task is NOT to ‘win’, get revenge, or even get your own way.

VIII. Ask for Help - Get help before a frustration becomes a full-blown crisis. Ask for 3rd-party help from a counselor, pastor, neutral friend, or someone else that all parties are comfortable with.

IX. Use Discretion - Be careful about what you say to or in front of your children or others outside your family. Work through your personal issues on your time, NOT in front of or by involving the children.

X. Be Consistent - Be as consistent as possible at both (or all) houses in all areas of life. Also remember that total consistency is impossible, even in traditional families.

Joel was educated at Covenant College, Joel Hawbaker is a former teacher and soccer coach, now working in telecom sales when he’s not speaking with or coaching blended families. He has two daughters from his first marriage, and he and his wife Maryellyn recently celebrated their tenth anniversary. They have a toddler daughter, and they are expecting their first son this October. The family lives in Alabama with their two rescue dogs, Butterscotch and Bruiser. You can find more resources about blended families at...

• social media (Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, and IG:) @joelwhawbaker
• website (www.stepdadding.com)
• podcast (10CBF: A Podcast for Blended Families on Apple Podcasts) 
• email: [email protected]