If you or one of your children has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I brought a dad on the program diagnosed along with his child with bipolar disorder. George Brooks will share his experience and insights with us about living and functioning daily with bipolar disorder and the challenges of raising a son with the same diagnosis.

To get help or advocacy support for bipolar disorder, call the Meta Association at: (214) 810-6518.

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Transcription - A Dad Navigates Bipolar Disorder

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Did you know that if a parent has bipolar disorder, the child has a 10 to 25% chance of developing

bipolar disorder? If you or one of your children has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder,

I brought a dad on the program diagnosed along with his child with bipolar disorder. He will share

his experience and insights with us in just a moment, so don't go anywhere. Welcome to the

Fatherhood Challenge, a movement to awaken and inspire fathers everywhere to take great pride in

their role and a challenge society to understand how important fathers are to the stability and

culture of their family's environment. Now here's your host, Jonathan Guerrero. Greetings

everyone. Thank you so much for joining me. My guest is George Brooks. I asked George to come

and talk to us about his life growing up with bipolar diagnosis and then raising a son with the

same diagnosis. George, thank you so much for coming on the Fatherhood Challenge. Thank you. Thank

you for having me on. George, let's start with an explanation of bipolar disorder. What is bipolar

disorder? Well, bipolar disorder is characterized by mood swings. Those mood swings can go from

extreme depression to what's called mania. And when you're in a manic state, you're very high energy.

You usually have a sense of elation. During that time, I just want a lot of people find themselves

getting in a trouble because your impulsivity is really bad off. So when someone's manic,

they really have to be watched and monitored. But it can fluctuate between a depressed state to where

you can't get out of bed, to a manic state to where you could be exhibiting risky behavior and things

like that. So that's typically what bipolar disorder is described as. I know back in the 60s,

they call the manic depression. So it's the same thing. But it's just characterized between mood swings

that can be controlled or not controlled with medication. How many people do you think

approximately might be undiagnosed just because of how the definition changed from the 60s till today?

I don't think the I think the verbites change. However, I don't think the definition changed

all that much. Now, the thing with diagnosing bipolar disorder is that it can it can look like so

many different things, so many different physical conditions, mental conditions. I mean, if you have a

bad thyroid, some of the symptoms from that could look like bipolar. So in order to diagnose it

accurately, there really has to be a thorough, thorough medical exam, physically and mentally to diagnose it.

But I think people are being misdiagnosed, yes, only because like I said, it massed so many different

illnesses. So if someone thinks they have it, it sounds like it's important that they don't try to

self-diagnose. And instead, they seek professional help. So to get a diagnosis or confirm a diagnosis,

would they go to a psychiatrist for that? I always urge people to go to their physician also.

I get a physical check out to go ahead and rule that out is being a possible cause or any symptoms.

Then of course, follow up with a therapist and a psychiatrist and get help for that and get an

examination and see if you can get an official diagnosis. Also with that diagnosis, you may find that

is not bipolar. It may be something else that's unrelated that you can get treatment for as well.

And if it is a diagnosis, bipolar disorder is treated with medication and therapy or how do

what does the outcome look like for that? Well, see that's the thing. When you're bipolar, you really

have to individualize your kid or what's going to work for you. And it's so many different variables

that go into it such as your age, your economic situation, what stage you are in life, what stage you

are in your illness. So, it will work for me because I also had a concurrent cocaine addiction.

So I had to treat both of those at the same time. But my formula was the therapy, which

I ignored for a long time until I actually got into therapy six years ago and realized the value of it.

And I combined that with my medication and holistic approaches such as making sure I do my self-care,

making sure that I'm taking time, taking breaks. So that in combination with the medication

and therapy does help give me balance. The thing is, even if you're treating bipolar disorder,

you're still going to have fluctuations, you're still going to have ups and downs. But the

medication, the therapy and the holistic approach can help keep you balanced to where you can kind of

minimize those. And at the very least, if you have a good support system, and I don't want to leave that

out, it's key to have a good support system because people can also tell if you're starting to go

into a manic state and he'll intervene. They may say, "George, you know, I know as you're a little

ratted today, you okay." And sometimes they can go a long way because that's what I've done with my

son, Joshua. He was diagnosed about 8/7 and we sort of feel that role with each other. So there's a

lot to treating bipolar disorder. There's a lot to managing it, managing it, but the thing is, it can

be managed. What is your story of being diagnosed and growing up with bipolar disorder? Wow.

I started to own symptoms about 8/7 when I was about 7 years old, which is coincidentally the same

age my son was diagnosed. He was diagnosed with 7 and I started to own symptoms at 7.

Growing up with it was very, very interesting in the sense that my parents were not to norm in terms

of many black parents because they believed in getting help. They didn't say, "Well, you're not going

to church enough, but that's not real." They said, "No, it's something going on. We need to treat it."

And you can't just pray this away. So they really started my mindset to be active about my treatment,

but due to the extended circumstances through adolescence, you know, it was not easy for me.

dealt with a lot of trauma in my early life dealt with family issues, dealt with health issues,

chronic health issues from about 8/7 that still are on me to this day.

dealt with the pressure of being an adolescent, dealt with an eating disorder where I was obese,

most of my teenage years. So you add all that in and then you just suppose that with a society that

does not understand mental illness, especially in a black community and you're going to have a problem.

So it was very challenging coming up. It was very challenging dealing with things, but I made it through.

And I think in age 46, I formulated a system in a way of living with my progress order that's been

beneficial to myself and my son. So it sounds like the deck was really stacked against you as far as

figuring this out. You have so many different challenges going on in your life and this comes back to

understanding what you said earlier. When I asked you, you know, as the treatment pretty straight

forward is it just pop a pill and and get therapy and that's it, you're good to go and

and you said no because everyone's circumstance is so different. And so what is required to manage it

likewise is very different. And when you explain some of the circumstances that you were going through,

that was really complicated. How long did it take them to figure out something that was going to

work for you? What day is it? Because here's the thing, typically about polo disorder,

when you get your official diagnosis, which I was given mine at age 25. It typically takes, and I've

heard different numbers on this, about 10 years to fit them to find a cocktail of medications that's

effective. I've been on so many different medications since, you know, all my life trying to find

a routine that works. You may find three or four cocktails that make a cocktail that may work

beautifully with your bipolar. For six months, four a year, if you're lucky two years, but your

body chemistry changes, you know, you're dealing with the chemical imbalance and you're dealing with the,

you know, external stem-alive real life. So things are going to be changing so much and there's

so many new drugs and they have so many different effects and things like that is really tough to find

a combination that works. Now they typically go with an antidepressant, a mood stabilizer,

and something for mania. That's usually what they do. They usually give three. For a long time, I was on

lithium, which if you know anything about lithium, it's extremely, extremely effective, but the side

of fix is so bad, I can't take it. I wish I could, but I can't. So that's one of the challenges too is that

they're being an effective medication, but you can't take it for whatever reason, whether these side

effects or availability or cost. You know, that's a crime of kill this you're being bipolar. We have

state meds every day, usually multiple times a day. And that's something to manage too because a lot

of times you're insurance will not cover it if you have insurance. So there's so much that goes in

a managing it just from a pharmaceutical level and from a therapeutic level, but the life management

skills was really, was really important. This one thing I speak on is to overall life management

and people management and time management that goes into the bipolar disorder because it's a constant.

It's always there. It's always there. And the sad thing is that oftentimes you can't even have a good day

without questioning am I manic. If I have a good day, I'm so worried if I'm having a good day because

I'm really having a good day or am I having a good day because I'm manic or it's just real. So that's

something I encounter all the time. So that's another part that makes it a little bit difficult to deal with,

but it can like I said, it can be managed as long as you have the right, you know, right,

apparatus, apparatus in place and you have the right support system.

You mentioned your son was also diagnosed. How early did you say he was diagnosed and what were some

of the signs that you picked up on that was your clue? He's 19 now. So he was diagnosed about 87.

Some of the symptoms I saw were mood swings, being very overly emotional. I just felt it. I just

felt that my wife at the time really saw it too. And we got him diagnosed and everything. Now he lived

with his mother. He and his mother are now not together. He lived with his mother. She had primary

custody up until a certain point. And one of the things that raised the child about polo disorder

is that unfortunately sometimes you have another period to deal with. You have their family to deal with.

And especially if you know how ignorant they are, they may fight you on getting your child here.

That's what I deal with. I couldn't get my son all his medications like I wanted to because

I was come back, you know, had a combat of relationship with her and her family. So that got in the

way a lot. But I was given, I went and fought for custody. I've him was given custody of him.

And even then it's still a challenge because he has his own ideas about his treatment, especially as a

teenager. You know, I don't think I need medicine. I don't think I need this. I think I need that.

And that's another challenge. And raising a bipolar child is that you do have to educate them,

make them feel safe, teach them how to manage, but also there'll be times when you'll butt heads with

them over their treatment because you may be older and have experience and know what's best,

but at the same time you have to individualize that for your child. So it can be quite, quite complicated.

Was it helpful at all for your son to understand that you're going through and have gone through

the exact same thing and you're walking this journey together? I think it's one of the things that's

really, but we've always been extremely close, but it's a bond that we have because if I'm manic or

if I'm having a good day, he'll tell me, dad, I can tell something's wrong and we kind of keep

each other in check like that. So he, I think he understands what I go through. I definitely, especially,

not only the fact that we're both bipolar, but I'm his father, I can pick up on his moods.

I can look at him and tell, okay, this is going on and that's going on. And what I do at that

point, what he'll do at that point is that we'll pull each other inside and we'll talk about it.

We'll talk about what's going on. We'll talk about the medication. That's been such a fortunate

thing for me to have that kind of relationship with my son. What are some of the stereotypes associated

with bipolar disorder and how does that contrast with the truth? That is somehow a character flaw,

especially in a black community. You're seeing his last thing. You can tell him, you drown a

bag of puppies. They won't say a word, but you tell him you have mental illness and I swear they

will, they won't run from you. What the truth is is that it's just an illness, just like anything else,

it's just like my diabetes, it's just like my heart defects, it's just like other things I have going

on would be physically, which is a lot. I just have to manage it just the same way I would

anything else, just like I have to take my moods, they belong to my hand, or the person.

Two or three other men's I take from my bipolar, I have to take my insulin. So a good hour,

two couple hours of my day, every day is just managing medications, managing how I'm feeling,

managing my health care. That's the thing that people don't think about. They just think,

"Oh, he has a mental illness, he's somehow a character flaw, he's somehow deficient, or he's somehow

incapable of doing the same things I can do." That's not the case.

So your lifestyle, other than treating the illnesses that you have, doesn't really differ from

really anybody else. You are not limited, you can participate in the same activities that everybody

else does. Right, well, sometimes, now with special accommodations given sometimes, because it is

the bipolar, is the debilitating mental illness. It really is. So, you may not be able to work a

nine to five. Most people with bipolar aren't going to be able to work a nine to five effect,

now without many accommodations, they aren't going to be able to do a lot of things to the, to the

fullest extent of everybody else without taking the consideration of their illness. So, that's the

only thing about it, but I've been able to function pretty well on my own. Pretty much no meat

doing a regular nine to five is never going to happen, just because of health reasons. So, I'm trying

to find other ways to generate revenue for myself. And so, I've taken that path in life.

As far as special accommodations are concerned, does that fall under the Americans with Disability

Act? Yes, but I feel like we need to expand it to include more mental health specific protocols,

such as time off, break time, things specifically geared toward mental health, because, you know,

in terms of physical health, that's easier for people to see, most of the time. But you're dealing

with something as abstract as mental health, and especially from a legislative standpoint,

it's hard to mandate things in place to deal with mental illness when you can't see it.

Or people still have such a stigmustized concept of what it is to have a mental illness.

It's funny because it's the one thing that truly does affect everyone at every race and color,

but we all aren't dealing with it the same way. All of us are affected by mental illness either

directly into regular. But the thing is, is we're still having overcome stereotypes, we're still

having to have these discussions. In my hopes in the next twenty-thirty years, we can ease up a lot

of a rhetoric that's involved with these conversations and seek out real care, but as far as accommodations

might be work from home, might be, I need time off, maybe I need to work in a different department,

or maybe you can't deal with people. But, you know, as long as the accommodation doesn't affect

the profitability and efficiency of the company, I think they should be adhered to when it all

possible. So the bottom line is, if somebody's diagnosed, they really have to advocate for themselves,

because the education to the general public just isn't there to really understand what's going on.

No, and I, you know, I started non-profit about six years ago called NetA association,

and what I do is I advocate for people. So, you know, even if you can't advocate for yourself,

then maybe it's time when you may be sick and you can't. So make sure you know of an advocate

that can come in and assist you, especially dealing with mental health because that extra support

is going to go a long way, especially if you have any cognitive deficiencies because of the mental

illness, or if you have any communication problems, or when you're in crisis, you can't communicate

the same way. And so, I strongly, I'm a staunch advocate for advocates, myself included.

How can a dad best support their spouse or child who has been diagnosed? And let's say this is a

very new diagnosis to them. Educate themselves and get into support groups and practice self-care.

Educate themselves, get into support groups, practice self-care. Those are the three best things

you can do. Educate yourself so you understand the illness. So you have a concept of what it is,

what kind of medications are used for their particular illness? How can it affect them? What are

the side effects? Get into support groups just to support yourself and get experience and hear

the stories from other people because for one thing, that'll let you know you're not the only one.

And, you know, the thing about being a parent with a mentally ill child is that sometimes you feel,

so isolated, you feel as though you're the only one. But not only that, there's a lot of self-blame

involved. You know, you ask yourself, well, what did I do? What's wrong with me that I passed this

down? And all things just happen. My bipolarism and my family is genetic, okay? And I didn't have

anything to do with me getting it or him getting it, but we have to deal with it. So that's part of the

where the support system comes in. And third is self-care. Understand that you can't run yourself

ragged to take care of anyone and think you're going to do them any good. So take time off, do self-care,

get in therapy yourself. That's another tremendous asset. If you're a caretaker of a child or anyone

with a mental or any illness, get in therapy, get into a place where you can top those things out

because they will come up and they will build up. So just to reiterate, it's going to be self-care,

it's going to be educating yourself and it's going to be support groups.

So when you get a therapist, one of the things to expect and a lot of it, maybe this was the same

with you, a lot of therapists will actually screen for that in their application process. They will

ask that at some point for medical diagnosis like that because it does change what they do for treatment,

how they treat you in therapy. Right. Especially in terms of medication, because I have to get blood

work every month, just because the medication I'm on and my health issues may affect my internal

organs or something like that. So yeah, they really, and they get a lot better about it in the past

few years, really kind of coincide in your physical health, your mental health and making sure

that you're on the right medications that have cost you as few side effects as possible.

Now as far as a single parent situation, is it helpful to have an advocate that works with that

specific situation? As far as being a single parent, what's really important is to advocate for yourself,

advocate for your child, but have resources in place, have your therapist on speed now, have the

school counselor on speed now. Try to surround yourself with people that really care about you in the

child, that aren't going to bring any drama to it. Being a single parent is really about who you

surround yourself with. You really is, especially when you're dealing with a child with a mental illness

or another health crisis. So, and one thing I'm seeing with a lot of people that are also

pairs there with mental ill children, they did have a support system, so that affected them to

their detriment. But it's important to build that support system and build your advocate team,

having to have a plan for when someone does get sick to go inpatient, have a plan if anything

happens. Treat it like it's a fire hazard. And that's really how you have to address your

mental illness. You have to have things already in place that you can do, should something go wrong.

What role did faith play in helping you just to maintain your stability and helping you to just

survive from day to day? Add a tremendous effect for a long time. I ran from God. I ran from spirituality

up until about six years ago when I decided to get off the cocaine, get off the drugs and try to fix

myself and heal myself. I began to talk to God, but God lives in me. So, I spent all my time

praying. I do all that, but I believe that my faith is important to me because I have my own personal

relationship with God that's not dictated or predetermined by anyone else or where they're standards.

And until I learned that, something was missing in my relationship with God. But when I learned

it's my relationship and it didn't have to look like your relationship and it didn't have to be

like your relationship in this unique thing to me and my spirituality in my heart,

that's when I found a great sense of peace. A lot of times we think that we are alone with

dealing with some of the stuff and you're absolutely right. Faith looks different for everybody and

it should. My faith should not be yours or it's not really faith. Walk us through that process of how

God really transformed your life, specific things that he changed in you.

Starting on the path of healing myself, realizing that therapy could be beneficial to me,

taking a lot of accountability for things in my life that I was the cause of. Before we try to heal

or recover in life, we have to look at the mirror and acknowledge what we are responsible for

in terms of our lives being at that point where we need to recover. And the reason I say that is

there's often a way of doing things where we put it on everybody else. Well, Max White did this and

my brother did this and well, first you have to look at the mirror first before you can hold those

people accountable. And one thing that God allowed me to do was allow me to accept the fact that even

though I'm holding those people accountable, I can't expect them to respond the way I want them to.

I may want closure, but maybe what I got is just what I got in terms of closure. So my relationship

with God taught me to accept a lot of things, taught me to kind of harden my heart a little bit,

not be so trusting, you know, and a lot of that comes with faith. I think for me the biggest

game changer was forgiveness when I really learned to forgive. And that doesn't just limit to human

beings. You can forgive situations, circumstances that were put on you, deserving or doesn't

deserve me. It doesn't make any difference, but there is a power in forgiveness and one of the

greatest definitions that I heard about forgiveness is that it's like walking into a courtroom

and you have the gaville and you decide you're done. You don't want to judge anymore and you walk

up to God and you hand in the gaville and you're just saying, I'm done here. You judge. And that there is

a freedom in that. I wonder if that's a little bit of a taste of kind of what you went through spiritually.

Yeah, yeah, learning learning to trust God and have faith in their faces built over time.

It's not like you wake up one day and you talk to God, oh, okay, I have faith. No, it's built over time

and it has to be tested otherwise not faith because faith without being tested is nothing but obedience

and dogma. And that's not what you want to believe, you want to have faith. You want to really

believe you don't want to do something just because, okay, the Bible says I should do this, so I'll do

this and not feel it. And I think this is what a lot of so-called Christians do is that they

quote, Bible, scripture, all day, when it comes to the real work or the real living with God, they don't

do it. They can't do it. They don't know how to do it. They know how to make it look good, but they

don't know how to do it. So, you know, it's not how loud you shout and poop is not how how how how

hard you bang your 10 brain is when you're long and going through it. How earnestly do you talk to God?

What are some resources for dads facing bipolar disorder? My nonprofit meta association, you

can reach as a 2148106518 as far as resources. It's not really a lot. There's really something right now

and resources for men and things to help men because I think for a long time, we've ignored ourselves

and we've been ignored, especially black men, especially. So we're looking at ways to build resources

to where we can't have things to where we can't get the help we need without having to wait on someone

to do it for us. So, you know, the greatest resource is just going to be, you know, just hunting out

different nonprofits, different men's groups. Facebook is as good support groups. Just try to make your

way right now while we try to build up what we need as men for ourselves, just like the women have

to support themselves. We have to build ourselves. No one's going to do that for us.

Just to make things easier, if you go to thefatherhoodchallenge.com, that's thefatherhoodchallenge.com. If you go to

this episode, look right below the episode description, I'm going to have the organization that George

started. I'm going to have his organization posted right below the episode description for your convenience.

George, as we close, what is your challenge to that dad listening now?

I challenge you to grow. I challenge you to be patient with yourself, to treat yourself like a seed

that you have to water, that you have to cultivate, that you have to nurture, to get the, to reap the

harvest that you want to reap from yourself. The thing you have to keep in mind when you plan to see

this dark is wet, it's cold, it's unpleasant, but this part of the growth process, you have to understand

the same process that we go through as men. And find support systems, find healthy ways to deal with

things, find positive things, try to keep your heart young, especially your parents, spend time with

your kids as much as you can, just try to live life, but try to live with a sense of purpose.

And even if you're not a believer, believe in something, something other than yourself,

and try to follow that. And once you define your purpose, pursue it with your whole heart,

regardless of anything. And I think that's our purpose. This means to have our purpose in

and pursue it. It's not to sit up during getting married and pay bills, it's not to do this, it's not to

do this, but to pursue a purpose, not a dream, not a ambition, because dreams are temporary, dreams of

fleeting. You can achieve a dream in one day and then what? What is your purpose? Because the purpose

is one thing that cares you throughout your whole life, part of my purpose is being a father,

and I'm proud and happy to be born. So the overall theme here is that every, every father, every

dad must know and find their identity and purpose. That is the number one priority, without that you

are not complete without that you don't know who you are. Yes, George, it has been absolutely an

honor having you on the father and challenge. Thank you so much for sharing your story with dad.

Thank you, thank everyone, Matthew, too. I really appreciate you all taking the time to listen to me.

I appreciate you doing nothing but blessings in the very best.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Fatherhood Challenge. If you would like to contact us,

listen to other episodes, find any resource mentioned in this program or find out more information

about the Fatherhood Challenge, please visit thefatherhoodchallenge.com. That's thefatherhoodchallenge.com.

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