In this episode Jennifer Weiss shares her story and life's journey of searching for her identity and purpose. Not only does she reveal how she found it, but also how you can too.

Jennifer Weiss is the founder of The Creative Christian, a ministry that brings biblical truth to the entertainment industry while coaching and mentoring artist in their craft to do the same. You can learn more about The Christian Creative at:

https://www.creativechristian.online/

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Transcript - A Daughter Finds Identity and Purpose

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You're going to hear a testimony of a woman who spent her whole life searching for her identity and purpose.

How she found it and how you can too, and she'll join us in just a moment so don't go anywhere.

Welcome to the Fatherhood Challenge, a movement to awaken and inspire fathers everywhere, to take great pride in their role.

And a challenge society to understand how important fathers are to the stability and culture of their family's environment.

Now here's your host, Jonathan Guerrero.

Greetings everyone. Thank you so much for joining me. Jenny Weiss also joins me and she's ready to share her story with us.

Jenny, thank you so much for being on the Fatherhood Challenge.

Thanks for having me, Jonathan.

Jenny, I know this is going to take some time to share your story with us, so I want to leave as much time as possible for that.

So let's get started from the very beginning of how you lost and found your identity.

I was really young when my parents divorced. I was three years old.

And I ended up going to live with my mom.

So I had two older sisters and we went to live with my mom.

And yeah, that was pretty difficult.

There were a lot of traumatic things that happened in my childhood, whether it was my parent using drugs, abuse, different things like that.

And so I grew up with a pretty skewed view of the world, I would say.

You know, thinking some things were okay or normal, that just should never happen, right?

And I was about 12 the first time that I went to a church and responded to an alter call.

And I remember like there was this period where my mom was like bringing us to church.

I don't know why, but well, I do know why, you know, spoiler alert.

That's why I'm in Jesus.

And I remember looking at her when they're doing the alter call and I just said like,

you know, what should I do? Should I go down there?

My mom's like, well, do you want to go to hell?

And I was like, that's a very good question, mom.

No, I do not.

So I went down there and gave my heart to Jesus, but I didn't really give him my life.

I didn't really know what that meant.

And I knew that I wanted him to save me.

I knew that I didn't want to go to hell.

I didn't know who I was.

I didn't know who he was.

And so, you know, there were certain fundamental things I knew.

Like I could pray.

I could ask the Lord to save me, help me because there are a lot of situations in my life

where I needed him to do that.

And he did.

I look back now.

I'm 32 years old. This is 20 years ago.

And I can confidently say, Jesus had my back.

He watched out for me.

His hand was on my life and he protected me, right?

And there were lots of things that I did to put myself in bad situations where I would

need his help.

There's lots of things that just happen because we live in a fallen world, right?

The rain falls on the chest and the unjust alike.

And so fast forward 10 years, I've lived a lot of life.

I have sinned a lot.

You know?

I didn't know who I was.

So I did things to try to find that out.

I drank.

I did drugs.

I had premarital sex.

I did all those things to try to fill this void on the inside of me that only the Lord

could fill.

And I didn't know that, right?

Because the Bible says, "Eternity is written on the heart of man."

And I think somewhere deep down, I really did have the conviction of the Holy Spirit.

So I want to make sure I communicate this.

I was miserable in my sin.

I wasn't happy.

I wasn't having a good time out there partying.

It just seemed like everything that I did added to the misery in my life.

And I thought this would make me happy.

And then it turns out it's empty, meaningless, void of anything, right?

It lead me further into depression, further into darkness.

And there were times where I remember being tormented by demons where I would see demonic

visions.

And I just remembered from my childhood, my sister telling me, "Hey, there's one thing you

can do when you're scared."

And it's say, "I rebuke you in the name of Jesus Christ."

So I'd be laying there, paralyzed in the bed, seeing a demon.

I rebuke you in the name of Jesus Christ.

And it's so wild to me.

That's what I knew.

But it's funny how God gives you what you need in seasons, you know, for what you can

handle where you're at.

And so anyway, so I ended up doing all kinds of crazy things.

I joined the Navy.

I was a firefighter.

And I was really searching for purpose and searching for like this.

I want to do something good.

And I was doing tons of things that weren't good while I was trying to do something good.

So it seems like it doesn't make sense, right?

But I ended up in this place where I hadn't moved to Orlando, Florida.

And I'm from the Luxembourg City, which is like a coastal town in the south.

And I moved away there with a boyfriend.

And I think we broke up like a month after we moved there.

And so I was feeling like, "Okay, this was my last chance, like moving here.

I don't have anything to go back to at home.

I don't have anyone.

I'm alone.

And I'm always going to be alone.

And I'd rather just not be here."

And so I was like in the bathroom ready to just like end it.

And I was doing that.

And the Lord spoke to me and he was like, "You do not want to do that."

And I knew that was God because I did.

Like I want I am my flesh wanted to do it.

But deep down like my spirit, I didn't want to do it.

I didn't want to do that.

And that's my belief is like a lot of people who are faced with that situation of wanting

to take their life.

It's because they feel like they have no other option.

And they feel like that would be better than continuing to live the life they have.

But deep down like we all have survival instincts.

We don't really want to end our lives, right?

And so only God could have spoken that to me in that moment.

So I go out and go to talk to the ex-boyfriend and I'm like, "Look, because we still live together."

So it's not right.

I was like, "Look, I was going to kill myself.

We can talk about this later.

But God spoke to me."

And he said, "You know, you don't want to do that."

And he looks at me and he goes, "You are too smart to be that stupid to think that

God is real."

And I was like, "Okay, hold on.

Something's wrong here."

I thought this guy was a Christian.

You know, I thought.

Thank you for breaking up with me.

And I walked outside and I prayed.

And I was like, "God, if you can get me out of this situation, I'm not saying I'm going to

be perfect, but I'm going to do something different."

And I got a phone call from my best friend's mom who, you know, she was like one of the best

influences in my life growing up.

And she called me and she was like, "Genefer?

She always calls me Jennifer.

Jennifer, I want you to move home.

And I will pay for you to go to college.

I will give you a car and you can live here rent-free."

And I was like, "Okay, that has to be God because who would do that, like on their own."

And so I agreed to that.

And meanwhile, she had asked me like, "Hey, don't do drugs.

That's my one rule."

And I was doing well with that for a little while.

Like most people who have a secret addiction or sin, you know, you can pretend for a little

bit, but then it comes back and, you know, I got bored.

I was working for the dean at the college, had a 4.0.

I was like, on the straight and narrow.

And I was like, "I need to spice this up a little bit."

So I started working at a restaurant and what do people at restaurants do?

Drugs.

And so I started doing that with them there and I was like, "This is fine because I'm not

doing it at her house, you know?"

And then I started buying it and hiding it and then doing it all the time.

And then I met a guy, so this is always the hard part of my story was surrounding men,

you know?

And so he went to church.

It's actually the church I'm still a part of today and got saved a month before we met.

So we met in theater.

I had finally got to do all of these arts things I always wanted to do when I was little.

And he brought me to church and I went there and encountered the love of God through people.

There was nothing that I did for them, for them to love me.

There was nothing that I was, I wasn't anything special, you know?

I was like, the lowest of the low, you know?

And they just love me.

And it really opened my eyes to, "Hey, I think God loves me like this.

Actually, He loves me better than this, you know?"

And I started to really just learn about who I was in Christ that I wasn't.

All these things that my story had convinced me I was.

I wasn't unlovable.

I wasn't always going to be alone.

I wasn't abandoned.

I wasn't a mistake, you know?

We all have these words that we carry with us, that we've heard because in the tongue

is the power of life and death, right?

And so coming into God's house, in His family and community, I was able to feel for the

first time, this is really who I am, you know?

And I had people speaking that over me, like, "Hey, you're really a daughter of God.

I never forget the first time my pastor told me, "So, spoiler alert, the relationship didn't

work out with that guy.

We were actually engaged, ended up in the engagement broke apart.

I went into ministry school because everyone was like, "This is what you should do with

your life."

And I was like, "Geller crazy.

I was just doing drugs six months ago."

And so, but I had a dream, like, the Lord just confirmed it and so I went.

And in that time, I was like working for the church, you know?

That was my life.

I was just at church all the time, pretty much seven days a week.

And so, I remember, like, sitting in a staff meeting in my pastor talking about this concept

of sons and daughters of the house.

And what does that look like?

You know, a daughter of the house serves a daughter of the house belongs, a daughter of

the house, you know, pours into others.

And my pastor looked to me and he was like, "Gen, that's really who you are.

You're a daughter of the house."

And obviously, I'm getting emotional.

That missed so much to me because I didn't feel like anybody's daughter for such a long

time.

That's because of how I grew up.

Did you grow up, Fatherless?

I love my father.

I really do.

I think the world of him.

But I also can acknowledge at the same time that I didn't feel like he was really there

for me growing up because my parents divorced, you know?

I lived primarily with my mom.

There were a lot of times where my dad just wasn't there for whatever reason.

Especially when I was 15 years old, I discovered my mom's drug addiction.

And I remember like finding drugs in her room.

It was actually Mother's Day.

We were doing like a spa day.

I went to get something out of her room.

And there was just this pile of white powder.

And I think the thing that happens when you're a kid and something like that happens is

your brain is like, I'm not safe.

I'm not safe.

I'm not safe.

And it's hard to connect that to your parent.

It almost feels like betrayal.

You're like betraying your parent by viewing them in an honest way in the way that they are,

right?

And so I called my dad.

I was like, hey, Mom, I'm going to call daddy.

Like go outside, I call him.

Tell him what happens.

It's just like silence on the other end of the line.

And I felt like my dad should come in and save me.

Like he should be the hero on the white horse, right?

But he wasn't.

And that was incredibly challenging to walk through.

In fact, I think in less than a year, things have gotten so bad with my mom.

I would be finding her passed out with needles.

We went Christmas shopping her and my sister.

And I, and she was like that family that's behind us.

Like they're following us.

And it's like a mom and a dad and their kid.

She's swarving down side streets saying that'll lose them.

She just was not in her right mind.

And I had to call my dad and tell him, hey, I don't know what you need to do, but on your

end, you need to get ready for me to come live with you.

That's what's happening.

So I think that created in me this need and desire to take control of situations because I wasn't

safe because I didn't feel like I could have anybody to rely on.

And that definitely like, led into my relationship with the Lord, feeling like, okay, like here's

what you need to do, God.

If you just do this one thing, everything will be okay.

And it translated into romantic relationships with men too of like, hey, you want to know

how hard it was to let a man lead me.

So challenging because there was this innate thing of like, I just can't trust you.

Are you really going to do what's best for me?

Are you really going to look out for me?

Are you really going to protect me?

And I think men have this natural desire to be a protector and it can be so devastating

for a woman to deny them that right?

And so it's really sneaky of Satan how he set all this up in my life, right?

How he was like, if I can get her not to trust her dad, then she won't trust men and she won't

trust God, but God is so much more powerful.

He's so much more above it and so sovereign.

And I'm just so thankful that maybe that's my story, but like, wow, look at how my relationship

with the father has just become this life altering, life giving, beautiful, amazing story.

How has that come back to shape your view of your father now?

I love my father.

I adore my father.

You know, father stuff really gets me emotional.

So I'm definitely tearing up already.

But I remember the day that I was in, I was in ministry school and I was living in someone

else's home like a host home.

It wasn't really that far from where my dad lives and I'm like lying in bed there.

I think maybe I was sick or something.

And you know, T.D.

Jakes and his daughter, Sarah Jakes Roberts, I love her.

And a video her has popped up in my YouTube feed and I always say like God is sovereign over

the YouTube feed.

Like, there's always stuff coming through at the right time.

And there was this episode with her and her father called daddy issues and I was like,

that's the last thing in the world I would ever watch because I don't have daddy issues.

Y'all, I told you my story.

Like it's blatantly obvious.

But I was like, I'm good.

Like and I would never say that about my dad and I would know, you know, but I clicked

it for some reason, probably because it was the two of them.

I was like, I want to see this.

And T.D. Jakes says to the audience, you know, there's some of you in here who feel like it's

your fault, your father left you.

And I start bawling.

I have never had that thought.

I've never like, I could never pick that out in my mind that bold statement of like, I'm

the reason my dad divorced my mom.

I would have never said that but it was somewhere in there because my heart resonated with

that.

And I actually went to my dad.

I think it was like a holiday and I said, hey, daddy, like I want to ask you, what's the

reason you and mom divorced because no one ever told me.

And I think I've been kind of blaming myself my whole life for that.

And he was like, well, now the journal bill, I'll tell you.

I was like, okay, glad we can have this talk.

And he said, you know, my mom was just passed out all the time, not taking care of us.

You know, just it was very difficult for him.

There was a adultery involved.

And so he said, I just couldn't take it anymore.

And they divorced and he actually remarried shortly after to my stepmom.

And so I think I had this feeling of like, what are we not good enough for you?

You know, and I remember like my stepmom, she was so wonderful and so great and loving until

her mom passed away.

And then it really changed her.

And I still think highly of her as well.

I love her, but it definitely did change.

And she treated us different.

And I remember her telling me, hey, you know, I never wanted to have kids when I was little.

And so there was some hurt and anger, right?

Of like, why did you marry this lady?

Why did you leave my mom?

Why did you marry this lady?

Why did you leave us?

You know, you think this is a better life, you know?

And so one day I was like, just popping into my pastor's office, you know, he'd kind of

become like a spiritual dad to me.

And so I'm like sitting down and I'm like, what's up?

How's stuff going?

Just a casual chat.

And he out of nowhere is like, hey, Jen, I think he still

have some forgiveness you need to work through with your dad.

And I was like, you have some forgiveness.

Like I was like, no, not me.

And I'm like crying while I'm saying that.

No, I don't.

You know.

And as soon as he said that, it's like, gosh, the power of our words, it just convicted

in my heart.

And I realized he was right.

I realized it was true.

Because for Christmas that year, I had

bought my dad stakes like a whole big thing of stakes.

And I was like, so excited.

And the reason I was excited is because deep down, I believed that my dad would invite me

over for dinner if I got that for him.

And that's not what happened.

And I found I was always wanting my dad to be this man that he wasn't.

I wanted him to be the white knight who saved me.

I wanted him to be the dad who was interested in my life, who talked to me, who saw me,

who invested in me.

And he did that in ways that he could, right?

And what my pastor told me is, Jen, things got a lot better in my life when I finally forgave

my dad, not just for what he did, but what he didn't do and who he would never be.

And that's a really humbling experience.

To say, OK, you're never going to be the dad I want you to be.

And that's OK.

Because ultimately, you're the dad that God gave me.

Like you're the dad that God allowed me to have.

And there's a reason for that.

And so I think it takes a huge amount of maturity to be able to look your parents' shortcomings

in the face to be able to take an honest inventory of your relationship with that person and

say, you know what?

I haven't been pretty either.

And one thing I know God says about parents, the only thing I know from the Bible is honor

your mother and father and you will have a long life.

And so I started, you know, someone told me that verse.

And I was like, I don't have to honor my mother and father because look what they did

to me.

They weren't there for me.

You know, they did this down the other.

They sent against me.

And God was like, no, you do.

Like I didn't write that verse and say everyone except for Jen because she had such a hard

childhood.

He didn't say that, you know?

His word is true and infallible, no matter what.

And so I started looking for ways I could honor my parents even for who they are now, even

with what they did to me then.

I was like, okay, God, how can I honor my parents?

And sometimes that's like asking for my dad's advice, right?

Calling him on Father's Day, telling him happy birthday.

It doesn't have to look like putting myself or my mental health like in a precarious place,

right?

But honoring the way that God intends me to, it's all about the heart.

Now that we've heard your story about losing and finding your identity, how did you find

your purpose?

I had always wanted to do arts related things since I was a little girl.

People were like, you should be an actress when I was little.

I would dress up and like entertain my family.

And really that was kind of like my survival skills because I knew if I could make people

laugh, I wasn't in a bad place, right?

And so I loved to sing as well, but my sister's teased me about my singing so I never thought

I had a good voice until I was in high school.

I had my first boyfriend were driving in the car.

Country song comes on the radio.

I start singing and he's like, oh, you have a good voice.

And I was like, wait, me?

No, I just thought like I stunk because my sister's told me I did, you know?

And so my family was very musical.

Starting up my mom is a singer, my dad, world's greatest guitar player.

My dad introduced me and my mom to all the great music that I grew up surrounded by.

And I started playing the saxophone when I was 12 and so I played all the way through high

school.

I got a full ride scholarship, which I turned down because of a boy, of course.

And I always had that within me, those gifts within me.

I love to write.

I wrote so much as a kid in read books.

I love to read books.

And so I finally get to this place where I'm in college and I can pursue things that you

just can't do when you're growing up with like all this trauma.

And so I start taking piano and voice lessons and theater and got my associates and fine

arts.

And I was in my very first show, which by the way, let me tell you how prideful I was back

then.

The casting list came out and I was not the lead role and I marched into the director's

office and I said, why didn't you give me the lead role?

And he laughed and laughed and he was like, this is your very first play.

And I said, so, so I know a lot to learn and a lot of humbling to go through.

But I got the role of a 63 year old German librarian and it was a great role.

It was very challenging and there were actually some people from Germany in the audience

that night who were like, what part of Germany are you from?

And I was like, I fooled you.

And so this director was also there and he saw me recruited me to come be in his show.

And that was where I met that guy that I had mentioned who brought me to church.

And so once all that fell apart, I really had some decisions to make.

I remember my pastor challenging me like, hey, when I was in ministry school, Jen, I think

you should not act for this year.

And I was like, literally like a spoiled child.

I was like, no, that's not fair.

Like I just discovered this thing that I love doing more than anything else, which is probably

why I needed to stop doing it.

And God just kind of revealed to me like, you're not going to know who I created you to be

until you stop pretending to be other people all the time.

And so I laid that wonderful thing down and thankfully the Lord was gracious enough.

To give me more opportunities to do it.

And when I was 25, I was on this mission strip to Los Angeles.

I was reading a book called Driven by Eternity.

And it really takes you through this process of discovering what is your calling, like your

unique calling that God has on your life.

It's a very wonderful book.

I recommend it.

It is a little scary because it does talk about what happens when you get to heaven before

the great white throne of judgment.

If you haven't answered the call of God in your life, and that scared me so much, I was like,

I'm Lord, you're going to reveal to me what you created me to do because I cannot miss

it.

And so I was reading that book on a plane.

I took a nap and just had a dream.

Everything was black.

And the Lord said, I've created you to bring biblical truth to the entertainment industry.

And so I did not know what to do with that.

I took it to my mentors, pastors, prayed, and really the word for that season was just like,

do what you can where you're at.

I was in another show at a theater and there was a girl who came out.

Her mom was abusing her for her whole life.

And I took her out to dinner, shared Jesus with her.

She came to church, gave her life to him.

And she's been like a spiritual daughter to me ever since.

So whether it was that or mentoring youth at church or teaching the Bible in creative

ways, like God was just kind of showing me how to do that.

And then I ended up running a school for creatives in a ministry that I was a part of back home.

And God really showed me there that I would then go on to do bigger things.

And once I moved to Georgia to plant a church with my pastors, the Lord really showed

me like, okay, you're going to have a ministry.

It's called the creative Christian.

And it's three parts, one part, a school to teach creatives, their gift and a faith-filled

environment, the second part, a production company so that those works of art they have

can be made.

And the third part is equipping creatives to use their art on the mission field.

And so that's really how God revealed that purpose to me.

As we close, what is your challenge to dads listening now?

I think of Father's biggest purpose is to give his child a picture of God, of how God loves,

of how God protects, of how God, you know, pours himself into us.

And so I just would challenge fathers to devote themselves to God more because I find the

more that we spend time with God, the more we become like Him.

And the more that a father becomes like the Lord, like Jesus, having the heart of God,

loving like He does, displaying the fruits of the Spirit, the more that their kids are

going to understand who God really is.

Thank you so much for closing us out and thank you so much for sharing your story on the

Father and Challenge.

May God bless you and your life, Richley.

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Fatherhood Challenge.

If you would like to contact us, listen to other episodes, find any resource mentioned

in this program or find out more information about The Fatherhood Challenge, please visit

thefatherhoodchallenge.com.

That's TheFatherhoodChallenge.com.

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