This road trip has been a lot of fun. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you be so gluttonous. I knew that diner for breakfast was a good idea. A big plate of eggs and bacon and then that stack of pancakes…my god, it must have been a foot high off the plate! How did you find room for all that? I’m even more shocked that you managed to drive the first hundred miles. Normally if I feed you a breakfast like that, you’re fast asleep on the sofa until lunch time.

What’s that baby? Candy? Check the glove compartment. Don’t forget there’s plenty of soda in the cooler. If you can reach it, that is. Your seatbelt looks a bit tight.

Anyway, thinking of lunch, I’m not at all surprised that you had to nap after that. Who takes on a 40oz steak challenge after a breakfast like that? You had to eat all the fries too. That was a total scam. There’s no way anyone’s finished that challenge with the amount of fries they put on your plate. I think they saw the size of you and were worried you were going to win. I don’t mind that we paid full price for it. I mean, you ate all the steak, not to mention the mushrooms and the salad. The salad was pretty good to be fair. I think it must have looked so funny, your huge frame taking up two bench seats while you tuck into over two pounds of meat and your petite partner just picking at a salad. I have to admit I was kinda full from breakfast. I wasn’t hungry again until dinner.

Hm? Oh yeah, your coffee is the one on your side. You can tell because mine’s a skinny latte and yours is the cinnamon latte with cream. They’re so nice, but they’re really fattening. It’s a good thing I don’t mind you being chunky, cuz I think that’s your 4th cup today.

That dinner was amazing, wasn’t it? Ok, the place wasn’t exactly the best service we ever had, but the food was good. Can you believe they tried to put us in a booth? I mean, come on, how rude was that? They can clearly see you’re a man who needs some space. Making you try to squeeze into that tiny gap was never going to work. Don’t they know this is one of the fattest countries in the world? I mean, half their booths wouldn’t fit anyone over 300. It was really nice of that family to switch and let us have their table.

They were still waiting for their food to arrive so it wasn’t a big deal, but I think the wife felt bad watching you struggling. Did you notice her husband was a big guy too? I think he was trying to stop her. He only just got into that booth himself. It all worked out in the end though, thank god, because that cheesecake was amazing. What did you have? The cookie dough wasn’t it? I think that waitress thought we were greedy ordering a sharing sundae too. I wonder if she realised you ate it all yourself.

I don’t mind that I did the driving this afternoon, but we are going to need to stop soon. You’re in no shape to drive, and I’m getting real tired. Coffee? Coffee isn’t going to counteract the food coma you’re slipping into. I can see your eyes dropping every time I look over at you. It’s getting dark too. We should stop at this motel coming up.

What? Oh all right, one more stop. Let’s make this one a drive through, though. I don’t want to have to go through the trouble of helping you out of the car again until we’re at the motel. I hope you’ve got room. I’m going to make sure you’re full this time.

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A submission

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