Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Enneagram teacher, Michelle Wangler Joy (So4), describes the patterns in how our types get stuck in the challenging second stage of intimate relationships. This is the sort of stuff that you want all couples to know. Michelle's synthesis is the best application of the Enneagram to intimate relationships that I am aware of.  

• Michelle's background [1.05]
• What is the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy? [2.53]
• What is Stage 1 of a relationship in the DMCT model and why do we get stuck there? [4.07]
• What is Stage 2 and what happens then? [4.50]
• What is true differentiation? [7.00]
• What is Stage 3 and what happens if a couple skips from Stage 1 to Stage 3? [11.01]
• How does each type get stuck at Stage 2, and how can they successfully differentiate? [12.15]
• Does the instinct type matter with these differentiation practices? [41.23]
• What Michelle's up to [42.34]

A list of the self and other differentiation practices for each type
Eight: Express vulnerabilities (self) and ask partner what feels supportive (other)
Nine: Bring themselves forward (self) and ask questions of partner designed to explore conflict (other)
One: Instead of speaking to a partner like a critical parent, give partner data about them (self) and see partner as different, not wrong (other)
Two: Get in touch with needs and share them with partner (self) and ask partner about their assumptions (other)
Three: Be first and don't rush to problem-solve (self), manage their defensiveness around partner's feedback (other)
Four: When communicating, avoid over-identifying with emotions (self), extend self to partner's reality (other)
Five: Bring themselves forward and keep partner posted (self) and ask questions of partner, and express empathy (other)
Six: Move through doubt and share more (self), ask partner questions and avoid projecting fears onto partner (other)
Seven: Initiate negative conversations (self), and sit with partner in conflict, slow down and seek to understand (other).

Find Michelle
Website, https://couplesandtheenneagram.com/ (download her ebook, it is excellent).
Link to her Couples and the Enneagram Relationship Inventory (CERI) https://couplesandtheenneagram.com/couples-and-the-enneagram-relationship-inventory/ 

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Music: 'Dream Home', Purple Planet Music 

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