שמות כ:יג - לֹ֥א תַחְמֹ֖ד בֵּ֣ית רֵעֶ֑ך לֹֽא־תַחְמֹ֞ד אֵ֣שֶׁת רֵעֶ֗ךָ וְעַבְדּ֤וֹ וַֽאֲמָתוֹ֙ וְשׁוֹר֣וֹ וַֽחֲמֹר֔וֹ וְכֹ֖ל אֲשֶׁ֥ר לְרֵעֶֽךָ

Shemot 20:13 - You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, his manservant, his maidservant, his ox, his donkey, or whatever belongs to your neighbor.

ר' אברהם בן הרמב"ם שמות כ:יג

מאד יצמא השכל ויבקש לדעת למה פרט (ה') יתעלה את עשרת הדברים האלה ולא שאר המצוות כשהשמיע אותם לישראל; ועל זה שתי תשובות: אחת מהן כי זה מסודות החכמה [האלוהית], והתשובה השניה כי נראה מעשרת הדברים האלה שהם שורשי כל התורה תרי"ג מצות

Rabbi Avraham ben HaRambam - Commentary on Shemot 20:13

The mind thirsts and desires to know why Hashem the Exalted One specified these 10 items among all the other mitzvot he imparted to the Jewish people. There are two answers to this question: One is that this is part of the secrets of divine wisdom, and the second is that from these 10 items one can see foundation of the entire Torah system of 613 mitzvot.

Avraham ben HaRambam explains that the 10 items selected for the Decalogue are prototypical. Each item encompasses a foundational concept that reverberates throughout the entire Torah. The mitzvah of Shabbat is observed weekly, but the concept of differentiating between the ordinary and the distinct, the mundane and the special, the sacred and the profane, is universal. The commandment “You shall not murder” not only prohibits a specific action, but affirms the value the Torah places on human dignity, which lies at the root at many mitzvot. One example is the final item of the Decalogue, which commands us not to covet what belongs to our fellow. How can we understand this commandment? How can we be commanded to do something which seems to be out of our control?

אבן עזרא פירוש שני שמות כ:יג

לא תחמוד – אנשים רבים יתמהו על זאת המצוה: איך יהיה אדם שלא יחמוד דבר יפה בלבו כל מה שהוא נחמד למראה עיניו. ועתה אתן לך משל. דע: כי איש כפרי שיש לו דעת נכונה, והוא רואה בת מלך שהיא יפה, לא יחמוד אותה בלבו שישכב עמה, כי ידע כי זה לא יתכן. ואל תחשוב זה הכפרי שהוא כאחד המשוגעים, שיתאוה שיהיו לו כנפים לעוף בהם בשמים, כי לא יתכן להיות זה, כאשר אין אדם מתאוה לשכב עם אמו, אע"פ שהיא יפה, כי הרגילוהו מנעוריו לאמר לו שהיא אסורה לו. ככה כל משכיל שידע כי אשה יפה או ממון, לא ימצאנו אדם בעבור חכמתו ודעתו, רק כאשר חלק לו השם. ואמר קהלת: יתננו חלקו (קהלת ב':כ"א). ואמרו חכמים: חיי בני ומזוני לאו בזכותא תליא מילתא. ובעבור זה המשכיל לא יקנא ויחמוד. ואחר שידע שאשת רעו אסרה לו השם, יותר היא נשגבה בעיניו מבת מלך בלב הכפרי. על כן הוא שמח בחלקו, ולא ישים אל לבו לחמוד ולהתאוות דבר שאינו שלו, כי ידע מה שהשם לא רצה לתת לו, לא יוכל לקחתו בכחו ובמחשבותו ותחבלותיו. על כן יבטח בבוראו שיכלכלנו ויעשה הטוב בעיניו.

Ibn Ezra - Second Commentary Shemot 20:13

Many people are amazed at this commandment. They ask, how is it possible for a person not to covet in his heart all beautiful things that appear desirable to him? I will now give you a parable. Note, a peasant of sound mind who sees a beautiful princess will not entertain any covetous thoughts about sleeping with her, for he knows that this is an impossibility. This peasant will not think like the insane who desire to sprout wings and fly to the sky, for it is impossible to do so…The intelligent person will therefore neither desire nor covet. Once he knows that God has prohibited his neighbor's wife to him she will be more [distant] in his eyes than the princess is in the eyes of the peasant. He will therefore be happy with his lot and will not allow his heart to covet and desire anything which is not his. For he knows that that which God did not want to give him, he cannot acquire by his own strength, thoughts, or schemes. He will therefore trust in his creator, that is, that his creator will sustain him and do what is right in His sight.

The Ibn Ezra’s analogy demonstrates that our mind can create certain parameters on our desires. As Nehama Leibowitz summarizes, “man’s desires are controllable and do not overpower his reason. On the contrary, his feelings can be governed by his outlook and way of life…Man can train himself not only not to commit adultery or steal, but also not to covet and desire things not his own” (Leibowitz, 1996, p.349-350). The Rambam discusses how a disciplined mind is necessary to properly observe mitzvot:

רמב’’ם – מורה נבוכים ג:נא

ודע שמעשי העבודות האלו כולם כקריאת ה'תורה' והתפילה ועשות שאר ה'מצוות' אין תכלית כונתם - רק להתלמד להתעסק במצוות האלוה ית' ולהפנות מעסקי העולם וכאילו אתה התעסקת בו ית' ובטלת מכל דבר זולתו. אבל אם תתפלל בהנעת שפתיך ופניך אל הכותל - ואתה חושב במקחך וממכרך ותקרא ה'תורה' בלשונך - ולבך בבנין ביתך מבלי בחינה במה שתקראהו; וכן כל אשר תעשה 'מצוה' - תעשנה באבריך - כמי שיחפור חפירה בקרקע או יחטוב עצים מן היער מבלי בחינת ענין המעשה ההוא לא מי שציוה לעשותו ולא מה תכלית כונתו - לא תחשוב שהגעת לתכלית. אבל תהיה אז קרוב ממי שנאמר בהם "קרוב אתה בפיהם ורחוק מכליותיהם":

Maimonides - Guide for the Perplexed III:51

We must bear in mind that all such religious acts as reading the Law, praying, and the performance of other precepts, serve exclusively as the means of causing us to occupy and fill our mind with the precepts of God, and free it from worldly business; for we are thus, as it were, in communication with God, and undisturbed by any other thing. If we, however, pray with the motion of our lips, and our face toward the wall, but at the same time think of our business; if we read the Law with our tongue, whilst our heart is occupied with the building of our house, and we do not think of what we are reading; if we perform the commandments only with our limbs, we are like those who are engaged in digging in the ground, or hewing wood in the forest, without reflecting on the nature of those acts, or by whom they are commanded, or what is their object. We must not imagine that [in this way] we attain the highest perfection; on the contrary, we are then like those in reference to whom Scripture says, "Thou art near in their mouth, and far from their reins" (Jer. 12:2).

The objective of mitzvot is not exhausted in the performance of discrete physical actions. Those actions are designed to leave an impression on our mind. But the discipline of our inner world will determine the extent to which we are impacted by the experience of mitzvot.

In a lecture describing the multifaceted objectives of a Torah education, the Rav describes one such educational objective in the following terms:

Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik - “Concepts in Jewish Education”

There is a third kind of discipline which the av zaken, the old father, teaches the young child, namely a disciplined inner life. The Torah is not interested only in human physical actions, whether on an individual physiological level, such as eating, or on the social level, such as manufacturing or selling goods. No, the Torah is also interested in the inner activities of the Jew, in his emotional life. We think the Torah is only concerned with the Jew’s hands, legs, mouth, and digestive organs. True the Torah is concerned with these physical aspects, but it is also concerned with the Jew’s feelings, sentiments, and emotions. The Torah knew very well that some emotions that a person experience, such as hate and envy, are disjunctive, and the Torah requires that we disown such emotions, reject them, and drive them out of our personality. If an emotion is destructive, then man is capable of rejecting it (p.191-192).

It is a daunting task to change our patterns of thinking. But modern psychology, such as the field of cognitive behavioral therapy, has demonstrated that this is possible. It is not automatic or easy, but man is capable of adjusting how he experiences and interprets both his external and his internal world. This is an integral component the Torah’s aspirations for man, and the final item of the Decalogue.

References

Ibn Ezra, E., Strickman, H. N., & Silver, A. M. (1996). Ibn Ezra's commentary on the Pentateuch =: Perush ha-Torah : Exodus (Shemot). New York: Menorah Publishing Company, Inc. Retrieved from: https://mg.alhatorah.org/Full/Shemot/20.13#e0n6

Leibowitz, N. (1996). Studies in Shemot (Exodus). Brooklyn, NY: Lambda Publ.

Maimonides, M., & Friedlander, M. (1953). The guide of the perplexed of Maimonides. New York: Hebrew Publishing Co. Retrieved from: https://www.sefaria.org/Guide_for_the_Perplexed%2C_Part_3.51.7?lang=bi&with=Navigation&lang2=en

Rakeffet-Rothkoff, A., & Epstein, J. (1999). The Rav: The world of Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik. Hoboken, NJ: KTAV.

Rosenberg, A. (1980). A new English translation of the Hebrew Bible text and Rashi, with a commentary digest. New York: Judaica Press. Retrieved from: https://www.chabad.org/library/bible_cdo/

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