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A Journey Back To Self
Most people don't realize they've lost themselves until something feels off. Maybe it's burnout. Maybe it's success that doesn't feel fulfilling. Maybe it's a quiet sense that something along the way just stopped meaning anything — and that you stopped listening to yourself.
Dr. Tracie L. Keesee sits down with two powerhouse voices — Dr. Keyshawn Hickman and Kevin MacDonald — for an honest, unfiltered conversation about identity, loss, rock bottom, and what it actually takes to find your way back to yourself after a career in law enforcement.
WHAT WE COVER
- Why the journey back to yourself isn't poetic — it's an archaeological dig through everything you buried
- How compartmentalization saves you on the job and quietly destroys you at home
- Why first responders put their identity into things with an expiration date — and what that costs them at retirement
- The silence avoidance that keeps so many officers from ever sitting with themselves
- What rock bottom actually looks like — and why it's where the strongest foundations are built
- Why "fine," "good," and "okay" are lies — and what it means to really ask someone how they're doing
- How to help your family understand what you've been carrying — and why showing them matters more than telling them
- Grace — what it actually means and why it changes everything
- The power of breath and why most people are breathing wrong
- How a single breathing session changed everything for Dr. Hickman — twice
- What it means to finally take off the body armor you didn't even know you were wearing
ABOUT DR. KEYSHAWN HICKMAN Dr. Keyshawn Hickman spent 21 years with the NYPD, rising from patrol officer to lieutenant and commanding the Information Technology Bureau investigation team. He now serves as Program Director of the Law Enforcement Executive Leadership graduate program at Seton Hall University, where he shapes the next generation of public safety leaders. He is a U.S. Department of State Fulbright Specialist and nationally recognized educator and cybercrime analyst.
ABOUT KEVIN MacDONALD Kevin MacDonald is a retired New Jersey police officer, bestselling author, and host of The Suffering Podcast. A nationally recognized voice in trauma, recovery, and mental health, Kevin rebuilt his life after surviving his own post-traumatic stress and multiple suicide attempts following an on-duty shooting incident in 2014. His mission is to destigmatize mental health in law enforcement and empower survivors to find their way through.
RESOURCES MENTIONED
- Man, You're Crazy by Kevin MacDonald
- The Suffering Podcast
ABOUT THE JUST BREATHE PODCAST Just Breathe with Dr. Tracie L. Keesee is a leadership platform for first responders and public safety professionals. Each episode explores how leadership, judgment, accountability, and wellness are shaped by the internal state of the leader making the decision — on the street, in the command staff meeting, and at home. New episodes drop every other week.
Control the breath. Control the moment.
View all episodes
By Tracie Keesee
Most people don't realize they've lost themselves until something feels off. Maybe it's burnout. Maybe it's success that doesn't feel fulfilling. Maybe it's a quiet sense that something along the way just stopped meaning anything — and that you stopped listening to yourself.
Dr. Tracie L. Keesee sits down with two powerhouse voices — Dr. Keyshawn Hickman and Kevin MacDonald — for an honest, unfiltered conversation about identity, loss, rock bottom, and what it actually takes to find your way back to yourself after a career in law enforcement.
WHAT WE COVER
- Why the journey back to yourself isn't poetic — it's an archaeological dig through everything you buried
- How compartmentalization saves you on the job and quietly destroys you at home
- Why first responders put their identity into things with an expiration date — and what that costs them at retirement
- The silence avoidance that keeps so many officers from ever sitting with themselves
- What rock bottom actually looks like — and why it's where the strongest foundations are built
- Why "fine," "good," and "okay" are lies — and what it means to really ask someone how they're doing
- How to help your family understand what you've been carrying — and why showing them matters more than telling them
- Grace — what it actually means and why it changes everything
- The power of breath and why most people are breathing wrong
- How a single breathing session changed everything for Dr. Hickman — twice
- What it means to finally take off the body armor you didn't even know you were wearing
ABOUT DR. KEYSHAWN HICKMAN Dr. Keyshawn Hickman spent 21 years with the NYPD, rising from patrol officer to lieutenant and commanding the Information Technology Bureau investigation team. He now serves as Program Director of the Law Enforcement Executive Leadership graduate program at Seton Hall University, where he shapes the next generation of public safety leaders. He is a U.S. Department of State Fulbright Specialist and nationally recognized educator and cybercrime analyst.
ABOUT KEVIN MacDONALD Kevin MacDonald is a retired New Jersey police officer, bestselling author, and host of The Suffering Podcast. A nationally recognized voice in trauma, recovery, and mental health, Kevin rebuilt his life after surviving his own post-traumatic stress and multiple suicide attempts following an on-duty shooting incident in 2014. His mission is to destigmatize mental health in law enforcement and empower survivors to find their way through.
RESOURCES MENTIONED
- Man, You're Crazy by Kevin MacDonald
- The Suffering Podcast
ABOUT THE JUST BREATHE PODCAST Just Breathe with Dr. Tracie L. Keesee is a leadership platform for first responders and public safety professionals. Each episode explores how leadership, judgment, accountability, and wellness are shaped by the internal state of the leader making the decision — on the street, in the command staff meeting, and at home. New episodes drop every other week.
Control the breath. Control the moment.