Cuts. Jabs. Barbs. Narcissists excel at them all. Malignant narcissists can be quite overt in their cruel comments. However, most narcissists are more elegant, sinister, and insidious in their hurtful jabs. They might be hard to recognize as long as you are in the relationship. Because they have intently studied you, they know right where your pain points are. They have a knack of subtly slashing at your core, leaving you feeling like there is something inherently wrong with you. My husband used something as banal as my favorite color to get in narcissistic shots. My entire marriage, I felt like something was wrong with me, because the insidious nature of his digs. 

And, if you tell them that what they said hurt your feelings, they will most likely tell you that you are being too sensitive. Or, they will turn it into a full-on DARVO situation, making you out to be the bad guy and them the helpless victims.  

#alifefolded #narcissist #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #selflove

"It takes two to tango!" "Well, there are two sides to every story." The insinuation in these types of statements can be highly shaming to a victim of insidious narcissistic abuse. It is most often true that the vast majority of relationships are ended through issues from both partners. However, it is not always so black and white. People may be afraid to say it out loud, because of victim shaming and lack of understanding, but many survivors of narcissistic abuse know they are not to blame for the end of their relationships. Of course everyone has faults. But they can confidentially say that they did everything humanly possible to save their marriage and it was ultimately their Cluster B partner who is to blame for the demise of the relationship.

Does this make survivors look like walking red flags? Perhaps. Yes, we should be unflinching in uncovering and healing our myriad faults. But, we do not, and should not, have to accept blame for accusations that we know are simply not founded in reality. 

#alifefolded #emotionalabuse #narcissist #narcissisticawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticabusesurvivor

Love bombing is a classic technique used by manipulative narcissists. The hallmarks are usually excessive praise, compliments, and inappropriately expensive gifts. The aim is to ensnare the victim during this small moment of happiness so the devaluation and discard phase can be all the more cruel and wounding. But did you know that love bombing is tailored to the potential victim? It may look nothing like the commonly accepted over-the-top praise that most people expect from Cluster B folks.

After being convinced that I had never been love bombed, my therapist helped me discover how my narcissist studied my personality and love bombed me in the way that would be the most effective and eventually inflict the most damage. Has this sneaky love bombing happened to you or someone you love?

#alifefolded #lovebombing #lovebombingisnotlove #narcissist #narcissisticawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticabusesurvivor #emotionalabuse

When I first began navigating healing after betrayal trauma and the resultant narcissistic discard, I didn't know what to do. I was not raised to think that something like self-care would be anything other than selfish and self-centered. How do you try to take care of yourself when you've never done it before and now you are shattered, body and soul?

I read articles and tried many ideas that others reported worked miracles worked for them. But nothing gave me any results that were anything other than temporary. 

It was discouraging and I determined that I just sucked at self-care.

Not so!

In this episode, we explore that self-care can be, and should be, highly individualized. Self-care methods you might never have considered might be just what you need. With perspective and tuning into your individualized needs, you too might no longer suck a self-care!

#alifefolded #betrayaltrauma #betrayaltraumarecovery #betrayaltraumahealing #selflove

When I first learned about my husband's betrayal, all I could think was: How could my best friend do this to me? I hear this lament so often and it is heartbreaking. I spent many years ruminating on this question and wasting precious time blaming myself. Eventually facing hard truths, I examined what true friends do and do not do. This episode exams some of the tenants of devoted friendship. The realities of my decades-long relationship with my husband were hard to accept. Once I did, however, it was freeing and enabled me to move forward, ushering in my healing.

#alifefolded #betrayaltrauma #betrayaltraumarecovery #betrayaltraumahealing #bestfriendsdontcheat #cheatinghurts #selflove

After you have been abused, manipulated, and discarded by the narcissist in your life, the inevitable follows...they have a new source of supply immediately. This episode builds on episode 11: Why Does the Narcissist Move on so Quickly? The narcissist will have a new source of fuel immediately and make you aware of how easily replaceable you are in ways both insidious and public. Then comes the crushing dilemma: should I try to save or at least warn the new person?

In this episode, Lainey outlines the surprising outcome when she did try to save or warn her ex's next victims. The results were both baffling and unexpected. She offers tips to guard yourself and your heart. Also, questions to ask yourself when contemplating next steps of whether you should try to save someone from the pain and anguish you experienced. 

#alifefolded #narcissist #narcissisticawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticabusesurvivor #emotionalabuse

One of the most confusing and dizzying experiences that can happen when navigating complicated relationships with narcissists occurs generally right after, or during, the cruel narcissistic discard. They move on. Immediately. But why? How can your long-term relationship and love for them be so meaningless? Did you have absolutely no worth to them?

The answers to these questions can be painful, compelling...and ultimately emotionally freeing. Once you understand why narcissists move on so quickly, and why it has nothing to do with you, your healing can be rapidly accelerated. Learn more and embrace the peace.

#alifefolded #narcissist #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery

Most people think about grief in connection with death, and certainly there is much to grieve when we lose someone. But when I found out that my decades-long marriage was a sham, I was plunged into the darkest, and most long lasting, grief of my life. Yet, people did not understand what I was experiencing and why. Once again, I felt different and outside. Like my grief was not valid because I was not grappling with losing someone to death.

Though death is hard and tragic, it is something we all realize is the inevitable conclusion of our mortal journey. Though we don't necessarily want death in our lives, we expect death in our lives. Death has context we can understand. However, being betrayed by the person you love most in the world has no context. It's not suppose to happen. There is much to grieve.

When the bright future you had planned for is gone in an instant and when you realize everything you hoped and believed in never existed, it is crushing. There is much to grief. 

When your financial future suddenly becomes unstable because of the choices someone else has made that affect you so deeply. There is much to grief.

In this episode, we will talk about the stages of grief, how to manage those after betrayal trauma, and how it is okay for you to grieve in any way and in timeframe you need. 

#alifefolded #betrayaltrauma #grief #griefhealing #betrayaltraumarecovery

It is an excuse we have all heard often. When a partner is caught cheating by using porn, the initial refrain is usually something to the effect of, "What's the big deal? It has nothing to do with my feelings toward you. All men do it. It's just a way of blowing off steam." Then, the gaslighting goes on, "Men are far more visual than women. So, you wouldn't understand."

Hogwash!

I'll admit that for a long time, I believed this ridiculous lie. Hmm, maybe I really didn't have a reason to comment or be upset because I didn't understand this overwhelming visual need of men. 

In this episode, I am going to debunk this porn myth, by using the science found and reported in a Scientific America article. I was surprised, and I think you will be too. 

#alifefolded #stopporn #pornography #pornkills #pornkillslove #pornaddiction #nomore

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/universal-desire-men-and-women-respond-identically-to-erotic-images/

After you have been betrayed and hurt by your partner, or anyone for that matter, you may go into "fight, flight, or freeze" whenever you see them. No matter how much you prepared beforehand. After doing recovery work, why does this still happen? And, what can be done about it?

In this episode, Lainey discusses how she learned that it is totally normal to have a heightened and emotional trauma response when confronted with someone who has betrayed you and why this happens. She shares how she has learned to welcome and even thank her body for this gift of protection. She also outlines some strategies of simple processes you can put into place now to not react so strongly when confronted with your betrayer.

#alifefolded #traumaresponses #traumatriggers #betrayaltrauma