In this episode Pastor John and I talk about a lifelong struggle of guilt, shame, fear, loneliness and rejection that was the result of being introduced to pornography and addiction at a very young age. He shares how he carried this weight alone while growing up as a pastor's kid, through bible college, having false authenticity that prevented deep meaningful intimacy with his wife and even into his time as a pastor.

“My Struggle with sin means I’m not acceptable.”

The constant fear of being found out and the rejection that surely would follow drove a desire to perform for God and those around him. John would teach others about God's love for them while never feeling it for himself.

“I didn’t know that freedom from Sin, Guilt, Shame, was even possible.”

John shares the struggle and fear of being completely honest with his wife. "When you’re trapped in something like this, you can’t be authentic." So there was no real intimacy in their relationship. He shares some of the pitfalls they encountered and wrestled with while trying to find healing for John, his wife and their relationship. He shares what they went through to eventually find healing and restoration in their marriage.

"Wearing the mask leaves you, feeling loved for what you’ve done, not for who you are”

All the time God was faithful, continually nudging and pursuing John to a place of healing.

"You can’t be accepted if you’re not known, and you can’t be known if you’re not vulnerable." "Vulnerability is scary, but it’s worth it."

John is learning how to have a relationship with God that’s based on who God is and who God is making John to be vs what John can do to please him.

#Pornography #Addiction #Guilt #Shame #StuntedSpiritualGrowth #Depression #ThereIsHope #PureDesire