“Excuse me, I have to get to a meeting that’s going to change my life, but I think you’re gonna change it, too. Let me have your number, I’ll call you later and we’ll see if I’m right.”

***

I have a friend who brings his dog to the bar. Inevitably, girls come up, start playing with the dog, and say, “He’s so cute!” What does he say?

“I don’t think he likes you.”

***

“It’s not really polite to stare at people like that.”

***

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to hit on you. Damnit, this is the last thing I needed today.”

***

“Excuse me, may I tell you something?”

Don’t wait for answer. “You were walking by just there with a reeeeeally serious expression on your face.”

***

“YOU. Who ARE you?” - breaking rapport, accusing tone, as if she’s not supposed to be there doing whatever she’s doing.

“Oh, uhh, I’m Sally?”

“Well Sally, I saw you from across the room and had to come say hello. I think we’re going to have to have a million babies together.” “omg lol umm no thanks lol”

“Alright, then we’ll start with coffee instead.”

***

“Hey, how do I get to Place?”

“oh, umm I think it’s 2 blocks that way and then turn–”

“lol I don’t actually need directions. I just thought you were cute and wanted to come flirt with you. Who are you?” “omg lol ummm Sally omg”

“I haven’t seen you around here before Sally, you must be - insert cold reed, teasing, etc.”

***

“Hey, how do I get to Place?”

“oh, umm I think it’s 2 blocks that way and then turn–”

“It sounds like you’re just making that up.” Accusation/teasing.

“lol no I just–”

“If you don’t know, you can just say so. Why are you messing with poor lost strangers who just need help? You MONSTER.” teasing, accusing, cold-reading.

“omg!! lol no I’m not I was–”

“No, it’s too late, I hate you now. But I’m willing to let you make it up to me over drinks sometime. You free this weekend?” Push and pull, pushing for the close.

“well I have a boyfriend!”

“That’s okay. We’ll invite him too. Then you can give him made up directions so he gets lost and we can keep flirting.” Pushing for the close: “omg well we’re getting married...”

“Not after we have drinks you won’t be.” a.k.a. pushing for the close.

***

To clarify:

1. None of these lines will magically cause a woman to have sex with you. 

2. Lines like these are effective because they are better than the usual boring drivel and clumsy chit chat that most men resort to when meeting women.

3. A quasi-canned, ready-to-spit opener or opener routine encourages men to talk to women.