Hi! Thanks for being here. Please press the PLAY button above to hear the intended podcast version of this episode. Find the full transcription below.

A Sketch Book and Two Fountain Pens

Last night I was at the Spectrum store getting my phone activated and getting my mom's phone activated. After many years of being with Consumer Cellular, Spectrum was willing to give me a package deal on internet and phone and I made the switch.

So it was a full day of cell phones and internet providers and operators helping me with the whole process. But I got to the Spectrum store and I had a really great guy helping me out. He was so energetic and so helpful. He just wanted to help. It was so great to be in contact with another human who was smart and knew what he was talking about and wanted to help.

So at some point, he let me know that I'd have to wait a little while because the activation was taking longer than he expected. And fortunately, I had brought my sketchbook with me. Yep, I have a new hobby. I’m a guy with a sketchbook. 59 years old and I finally realized the joy of having a sketchbook. I carry it with me wherever I go - a sketchbook and two fountain pens. Kind of like my mom did back in the day. She's a master sketcher and she always had a sketchbook with her. Wherever we'd go on vacation, my mom would go off and sketch. I, on the other hand, was never particularly interested in sketching or sketchbooks. That was my mom’s thing. I’m a musician and I always believed that I didn’t know how to draw. But lately, I'm putting the pen on the paper, taking the risk to do it imperfectly and I’ve started to draw. And sometimes I even add some watercolors.

I've got a Stillman and Birn Delta Series sketchbook with nice, thick watercolor paper and I found this cool pencil holder that straps on. I don’t use it for pencils though. I use it for my two fountain pens. And they both fit in this little orange pen holder that I found in a store in downtown Kent.

A couple Saturdays ago, I was just roaming around on my scooter and I was well enough to say, “you know, I'm gonna walk into this little stationery store and see what they got.” And more and more, I love paper stores. I love stationery stores. I love fountain pens and different kinds of paper and paintbrushes and watercolors. I went in there just to see what they had and within about two minutes, I found the perfect thing to buy. Within five minutes, I was back on my scooter with a new pencil holder. It’s got this elastic strap that straps right onto your sketchbook, so wherever I take my sketchbook, I’ve always got my two fountain pens there. They don’t get lost and they’re ready for me whenever I need ‘em.

So anyway, I was at the Spectrum store and I was in my wheelchair and I had some time to wait. So I just found myself a comfortable spot right off to the side of the store with this little corner scene of a table and two chairs that I decided I would draw.

That's the beauty of a sketchbook. When I'm moving around the house or moving around town, I'm always on the lookout for something I might like to draw. And I got my sketchbook right there with me and two fountain pens, one fine and one ultra extra fine — kind of like my girlfriend, Emma. She's ultra extra fine.

So there I was sitting in the Spectrum store, a white table and these two kind of modern chairs, and I said, “Okay, here we go.” You know, there's always a little bit of anxiety that goes with starting a new page on the sketchbook, ‘cause what if I mess up. What if I ruin a page? I don't have a sense that I'm going to ruin the page and it really doesn't matter if I ruin the page, but there's just that little bit of fear. What if something goes wrong? I’m working with ink. I’m working with a pen. It’s not a pencil where I can erase if I make a mistake. Every mark that I make stays on the page.

But I just jumped right in. I started with the table top. Within a couple marks, I knew I had made the perspective wrong, but I just kept going. I didn't stop. I didn't give up. So for the next half hour or 40 minutes, while I was waiting in the Spectrum store, I was focused and at peace. I was fully in the moment. It was nice comfortable air-conditioning. I had the comfortable seat of my wheelchair. No one was paying any attention to me. I was just there focused on my little corner scene. I was so content. It was quiet in there and I just sat and drew — for about 30 minutes, probably.

Drawing is such an interesting process. I mean, I'm really a beginner. I don't know how to draw. But I take the risk and I start. I face the fear of the empty page and I go for it and I keep getting surprised by the results. Little by little, one mark at a time, it becomes something, and it's so satisfying to watch it become something, even though sometimes it's frustrating and scary and I make wrong moves. It's so satisfying and often so surprising. And it doesn't take long for something to happen. Pretty quickly, I had myself a little piece of art there in my hands. And I felt a smile in my heart.

Right when I had finished the scene, I looked down at my phone and the activation was complete. So I rolled over and told my helpful Spectrum guy. And we were both in just such a good mood. He was so pleased that I was happy, and I showed him my picture. He said, “Wow, that's great!” And I said, “Oh, it's not that great.” He said, “Believe me, I've never seen anyone walk in here and do that before.” So I was quite happy. I love having a sketchbook.

And then on the way out, as I was passing by this woman, she said, “you need any help?” And I said, “Yeah, sure, you can open that door for me?” And she opened the door for me, and I rolled right out of there to my car and put the wheelchair up on the back rack. It was just a beautiful outing. You know, I don't take outings for granted anymore, having spent so much time in bed, so much housebound time.

Late summer in Ohio. It was great to be out among people and I was met with so much kindness. And having my sketchbook along made all the difference in the world. I recommend it. If you’re thinking about getting a sketchbook. Go for it!

This phase in my journey of making art began about a year and a half ago. My mom brought over some water colors and I started throwing some paint onto the paper. I was just free and loose making these cards that I was sending in the mail. I love the easy clean up of water coloring. I had it all set up by my bed with some brushes and some water and some water colors. For a minute there stuck in bed, I was just free and easy — learning a whole new craft from scratch.

Then I bought an online course. And in the online course, the first lesson was all the supplies you need and I went and bought all the supplies. And guess what happened next? Yep, I stopped water coloring. (lol) I bought all the supplies and then I stopped water coloring for about six months. I lost that free and easy feeling of the beginning and I started trying to learn everything there was to learn and I got overwhelmed and gave it up. So I paused for about six or eight months, but eventually broke out the watercolors again.

And one day I was water coloring and I realized “I need to learn how to draw.” In order to watercolor, I need to be able to draw something — and I'm terrible at drawing. At least that was I was telling myself. Truly, I had this story in my head that goes back many years that I don't know how to draw. I can't draw. Me and my dad, we’re both bad at drawing. I do have these little stick figure people that I make and I'm okay at doing a little bit of lettering, but I have no clue how to look at something and draw it on a piece of paper.

So at first I got interested in pencil drawing and I bought all the pencils. I got the 2h and the HB and the 2B and the 4B and the 6B and the 8B. I got all the H's and all the B's. I learned what H and B means and I started learning how to shade. And I couldn't believe it. I was making these spheres, these shaded spheres, and I was making these real life drawings using shading with pencil. I was so surprised at what was possible as a beginner. And I couldn't believe I'd gone my whole life without doing this.

And then one day I was on YouTube and I saw this guy doing loose sketching with a fountain pen and then adding watercolor on top of the black ink. And I realized "That's what I want to do!” And that's what I've been doing. Moving around the house — drawing different scenes on the porch and the house. It’s scary every time, but once I get started it just brings me into the moment in such a beautiful way.

I feel like I'm starting a whole new dimension in my life. I've got my dining room table set up right now like a little art studio. I'm so grateful. I'm out of bed several times a day down there at the dining room table or on the front porch making art with ink, fountain pen and some watercolors.

Yeah, I've been wanting to share this with you for a while, so thanks so much for listening. It's been a really exciting process. I’ll tell you about these little five minute rectangles of art that I’ve been making — quick squares of creativity. I start with a light wash of watercolor and I then I draw some ink on top, and then another layer of watercolor. If I'm not feeling inspired, if I'm not interested in getting into a big project, I just make one of these little five minute rectangles. It’s a very small commitment of time and it helps break through the wall of my perfectionism. It satisfies that urge to create. Making these little rectangles of art makes me feel like I’ve done something worthwhile. I'll show you a few of them here.

With the upcoming release of Elanor Nadorff’s documentary about me called “Living in a Body,” lately I’ve been comparing my life of two years ago to the way it is today. I was in a very different phase two years ago. I was in the middle of declining health, experiencing overwhelming grief about the loss of my career. I was just having a lot of agony about all that I was losing. Since then, I've really settled in. I've settled into the reality of my life. I'm grateful to say I'm in a bit of an upswing right now. Healthwise, I'm doing a little bit better. I'm not having those life altering, terrifying crashes…

And I've discovered art! I've discovered this new passion that I have of drawing — drawing with a sketch book and a fountain pen. I'm a total beginner. I'm at the very beginning of this journey and there’s no guarantee I’ll still be doing it in six months, but I hope so! For now, I'm really grateful to have discovered a new passion.

I'd love to be part of a sketching community. You know, we could all meet downtown in Kent and find a different scene to draw. And then afterwards we could share what we did. Doesn’t that sound wonderful? If you're interested in that, stop by my front porch and let me know.

All right, everyone, that's it. Episode 114. Hey, remember, you live in a body. It's a beautiful thing. But It's not going to be around forever. It’s just a glimpse in time. Go take advantage of it today. Step outside for a minute. Take a deep breath. Stretch out. Stretch out in that bed. Do whatever you got to do. Take this moment to be quiet. Take this moment to appreciate. Take this moment to look around and see the good, see all the good that's surrounding you — even in your difficult circumstances, whatever they are. That's what I'm gonna do.

All right. Thank you. Thanks for listening, thanks for being here. I appreciate you and I'll see you next time. Bye, bye.

Get full access to Living in a Body at halwalker.substack.com/subscribe