"Couldn't you have beat him up?" Don't you have thousands of dollars worth of training?" "How did you manage to get abused?" "You must not have been very good at being a soldier then." The fact that I used to be a soldier often gets used against me when I try to talk about domestic violence. People want to focus on that one detail, and that detail alone seems to distract them from the fact that we are still human, and we can still break.