You need to realise that in the end its not about you, what you really think of yourself, or what ppl will say, it's really again not about your fears, imperfections or insecurities it's about what God is calling you to, and to impact the Generation to come. He Will disturb your plans for his Will to prevail. He wants to show up and show off that He is still and indeed thee Great I am, you can do so much be reasoning your way out or reason the truth in the end if you do something that dsnt please God chances are you won't get to experience the abundance of his goodness upon your life and family, you are called to rebuild.