I was in yoga today and right before class started one of the girls that always stands behind ( I stand in the very front ) me says “ How are you doing ?” I said good…. She replies “ you don’t know do you ?”

I look at her puzzled.

She said “ your buddy, Caleb”

I didn’t reply.

She said “ he was killed” My eyes watered up and I felt like I was hit by a truck. Then without missing a beat the instructor starts the class.

She meant well but I wish she would of told me after class.

It took everything I had not to loose it. I wanted to actually leave outside for a moment.

But I realized. That’s what yoga practice is about. Facing head on life’s challenges and getting through them with grace not like a bull in a china shop.

So I closed my eyes and dedicated my practice to Caleb.

After class I found out that he and his team died in a crash. No survivors.

Caleb and I were yoga buddies, not much more. He came to my boot camp a few times and said it was too easy. Lol. I tried to beat him down but he was strong as a bull.

Caleb was straight and actually most my friends are. But I remember when he first found out I was gay , I worried that like many other straight guys that he would step back.

Caleb didn’t. He didn’t care.

Caleb was a free spirit.

He was a helicopter pilot for a crisis team that fought forest fires. He actually was in Australia for 6 months fighting fires there and I didn’t know he was back.

He loved what he did.

Most guys that do crisis work , are kinda… well full of themselves.

He was not. And actually he was the one who told me I should go for helicopter crisis nursing.

So today has been difficult.

It seems so unfair that people who are truly good people are taken from us when there are so many other people I know are terrible humans ; and nothing ever happens to them.

The only thing that helps me get through times like this , when my mind is going to a bad place is remixing music.

I can put my headphones for hours and can shut the world out and how angry I am it right now.

One day I was with Caleb and ABBA came on in my jeep.

Where most straight guys would cringe. He owned it and started dancing…. I laughed. He said “ Dancing Queen is my jam “ , we both laughed.

This mix is for you buddy.

Thank you for being a light in a world that is so dark.

You inspired me.

B2