(For complete show notes https://kuldrinskrypt.com/207 )
Recorded: January 7, 2019 / Published: January 8, 2019
865-268-4005 / https://kudrinskrypt.com
On this episode: Acceptance within the BDSM Community.
[0:43] Rules to Love by
[1:10] Krypter:
I’ve heard you say on the show that if anyone has questions to write you and I’ve had one for a while that I’m hoping you can help with.
Like I said earlier we are relatively new to being out in the community and have been welcomed into to the three local private dungeons in our area. One about 20 minutes from our home the others over an hour away in separate directions. We have a very small core group of people and they all basically take turns hosting events and play parties. The problem we are running into is that about 85% of the people are poly (which we are completely fine with it’s just not for us) and they all play amongst themselves and Master and I only play with each other. We both have explained nicely on multiple occasions that we don’t play with others and are strictly monogamous and a little bit about why. However, they aren’t really accepting that. It also states the same thing on both of our Fetlife profiles. I’ve even had individuals make comments at a vanilla baby shower hosted at one dungeon about giving it time and they’d change my song and I’d join their poly group.
So the question is beyond driving 2 hours to a large city which is prohibitive due to children, cost and restrictions due to opposite days off work what does a couple do? The only options we can come up with are: distance ourselves from the local community and only play at home again, drive to a larger city if and when we can schedule it, or continue to put up with the comments/reiterate our stand at every event.
Please don’t get me wrong these are very nice individuals and have been happy to accept us into the fold. We just don’t know how to handle the constant inquiries without being downright rude and/or being rejected by the group.
Thank you for taking the time to read my email, having such a wonderful show and being such a driving force of safety and understanding in the community.
[4:23] Kuldrin:
You stated these are good people so it sounds as though they are being playful but also serious in their attempt to change your marriage and dynamic. If it were me, because I tend to be very direct and outgoing, I would pick a munch or gathering where most or all would be and stand together with my sub, get everyone's attention, and then say something like...
"Good evening everyone! First, my sub Mayfair and I would like to thank you all for being so welcoming as we have ventured out from the bedroom and into this wonderful local community. She and I never expected to make such wonderful friends and have such great experiences and We thank you all for that. From toys to types of play...it makes us excited to continue this journey together. Speaking of, there is one thing that is making us uncomfortable. We respect everyone's dynamic and seeing all the different ways people are together and play. However, there seems to be a lot of pressure and comments that we should try poly...and that just is not our dynamic. Also, by us stating we are not poly and some continuing to push, we feel as though our hard limits are being pushed without either of us consenting to it. We respect that way of doing things but we don't feel the respect in return...like we are judged for such a "vanilla" marriage dynamic like monogamy. Please understand, we know that no one has done this to make us uncomfortable but we do feel strongly that if people continue to disrespect our marriage by trying to convince us to convert to a poly lifestyle we will have to take our fun back behind the comfort and security of our own closed doors."
I would...