It’s human nature to enter a new season of life, look around, and think, oh my goodness, this is so different from what I expected. Is it like this for other people? How do I navigate this?

In our hyperconnected world, we are just a few clicks away from other people who share or speak to our season of life, who invite us to huddle together and swap stories about this new/challenging/exciting time.

Pregnancy and parenthood are a good example. It’s such an epic change physically, emotionally, and psychologically to care for an infant. I remember that season in my life, looking at my new baby and thinking, how do I do this? I need more information.

Certainly, I got information from outside sources like books. But the internet didn’t exist when I had kids, so I turned to friends and family who had children. I asked the people around me what they did. Many of those people were older women. They weren’t influencers, they were moms, they didn’t have a profit motive in giving me information, they just gave me suggestions.

Not all of the suggestions were good – hard no to booze on the gums of a teething child, for example. But they were useful. One I remember to this day is not to do for my child what they could do for themselves. As soon as they learn to tie their own shoes, stop tying their shoes. Same for getting dressed and breakfast and doing homework.

Back then, there was a model where in new stages of life you turned to people who were older than you, and they provided support and guidance because they had been there, and they were connected to you. Not because they were selling something or looking for more exposure on social media.

To be clear, I spend plenty of time on social media and find interesting and compelling content there. I know many people don’t have elders they can turn to. My point is that we have a new model, one which, taken to the extreme, ends up isolating all of us.

The model

First, take a season of life and make it an identity. Make it a personality, complete with catch phrases, persecutions and merch. Pregnancy. Parenthood of young children. Parenthood of teens. Empty nester. Perimenopause. Menopause. Divorce. Aging.

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