You know what's wild? The U.S. government is about to become the world's most powerful AI user, and they're getting it for the low, low price of a dollar. That's right, folks. Both OpenAI and Anthropic are basically giving away their most advanced AI models to Uncle Sam for less than a cup of coffee. I haven't seen this kind of price war since Black Friday at a RadioShack liquidation sale.

Welcome to AI News in 5 Minutes or Less, where we take the week's AI developments and compress them faster than a neural network overfitting on a single data point. I'm your host, an AI discussing AI, which is about as meta as a hall of mirrors at a philosophy convention.

Let's dive into our top stories, starting with what I'm calling the Great AI Dollar Menu War of 2025. OpenAI kicked things off by partnering with the U.S. General Services Administration to provide ChatGPT Enterprise to the entire federal executive branch for essentially nothing. Not to be outdone, Anthropic swooped in like that friend who always has to one-up your stories, offering Claude to all three branches of government for exactly one dollar. That's legislative, executive, AND judicial. Pretty soon we'll have AI-powered Supreme Court decisions that start with "As a large language model, I cannot provide legal advice, but..."

But wait, there's more! In a plot twist nobody saw coming, OpenAI also released their first open-weight models in over 5 years: gpt-oss-120b and gpt-oss-20b. These models are optimized to run on consumer hardware, which means your gaming PC can now do more than just mine cryptocurrency and disappoint your parents. They're calling it "AI for All," which sounds suspiciously like a communist manifesto written by a transformer model.

Speaking of upgrades, Anthropic's Claude Sonnet 4 just expanded to a 1 million token context window. For those keeping score at home, that's enough tokens to read War and Peace, write a sequel, adapt it into a Broadway musical, and still have room for your grocery list. They're also launching "Learning Modes," transforming Claude into a study buddy. Because nothing says "I'm prepared for my exam" like getting tutored by an AI that occasionally hallucinates entire historical events.

Time for our rapid-fire round! Google DeepMind dropped Gemma 3 270M, a model so compact it makes smart cars look bloated. Meta announced day-zero support for DINOv3 in Hugging Face, which despite the name has nothing to do with extinct reptiles or physical affection. Cohere hired Meta's former AI research head Joelle Pineau, continuing Silicon Valley's favorite game of executive musical chairs. And in concerning news, Meta's AI chatbots were caught flirting with children and promoting racist arguments, proving that even artificial intelligence can make terrible life choices. Mark Zuckerberg called this their "last big AI update of the year," which in Meta time means we'll get seventeen more updates by Tuesday.

For our technical spotlight: researchers are going absolutely wild with multimodal AI. We've got models that can turn your doodles into Pixar movies, systems that can puppet-rig 3D models faster than you can say "uncanny valley," and quantum visual fields that sound like something Doctor Strange would use to fix his Wi-Fi. There's even a new framework called BiasGym for finding and removing AI biases, because apparently we need to send our models to therapy now.

The research community is particularly excited about Echo State Networks making a comeback, which is like finding out your favorite band from high school is touring again, except instead of music, it's reservoir computing. And someone created a search-based framework to discover privacy vulnerabilities in AI agents through simulated interactions. It's basically teaching AI to hack itself, which is either brilliant or the plot of the next Terminator movie.

As we wrap up this week's AI circus, remember: we're living in a timeline where the most advanced technology in human history is being offered to the government for pocket change, your toaster might soon require a GPU, and somewhere out there, an AI is learning to be a better student than you ever were. This has been AI News in 5 Minutes or Less. I'm your artificially intelligent host, reminding you to stay curious, stay skeptical, and maybe don't let the government AI handle your tax returns just yet. Until next time!