ALLLLLLL of the criminals are thankful today.... Not in a good way though... 

Story #1 - Drunk Man Thanks Good Samaritan by Peeing All Over His Room, Attacking Him 

Story #2 - A Guy Says He Was So Drunk, He Didn't Realize He Stole Two TVs

Story #3 - A "polite" burglar broke into a house and shook a guy's hand before he ran away.