Allie spent 26 years drinking, built a career in the music industry, and ran marathons and 100‑mile ultras trying to outrun how much she hated herself. On the outside she was the hard‑drinking goth with the dream job and big races; on the inside she was depressed, suicidal, and convinced the next achievement would finally make her “enough.”

In this episode, Allie shares how lockdown and a near‑suicide moment forced her to stop running from herself, get sober at 40, lose everything – and then slowly rebuild a life based on her values: kindness, honesty and integrity. We dive into alcohol, ultra running, identity, why you can’t outperform self‑hate, and how she now coaches others to focus on mindset over medals and “do the work” one honest action at a time.

Timestamps

0:00 – Meet Allie: music industry, ultra running & why she finally stopped drinking

1:26 – Childhood & first drink: big family, no space for feelings, discovering alcohol at 14

4:00 – Dream job, nightmare culture: record label life, “you’re lucky to be here” & work‑hard/play‑hard drinking

9:40 – Running to cope: first run to avoid suicide, marathons & 100‑mile races while still drinking

16:25 – Lockdown & rock bottom: isolation, toxic relationship & the night she planned to end her life

19:46 – Therapy & values: meeting Theo, ACT, and uncovering kindness, honesty & integrity as core values

26:00 – Rebuilding sober: starting a coaching business, mindset > medals, and redefining success in sport

Key Takeaways

1. You can’t outrun self‑hate
2. No race, job title or external achievement will fix an internal belief that you’re not enough. Allie proves you can be “killing it” on paper and still be dying inside.
3. Alcohol sells you a lie
4. It presents itself as the solution to anxiety, trauma and impostor syndrome, while quietly making them worse. For Allie, alcohol wasn’t the problem… until she realised it had become her whole personality.
5. Sport can be a mask as much as a medicine
6. Ultra running gave Allie purpose and community, but it also became a way to prove she was “fine”. You can be running marathons and 100‑milers and still be deeply unwell.
7. Values are a turning point, not a buzzword
8. Identifying kindness, honesty and integrity as her core values – and realising she’d been living against them – was the real catalyst for change, more than any single race or event.
9. There’s no self‑sabotage, only self‑preservation
10. Those urges to quit, to pull the plug or to stay small are often your brain trying to protect you from pain. Naming that changes how you respond to it.
11. Mindset > medals (and times are neutral)
12. Allie reframes success around what you can control: process, effort, joy, community and integrity. Finish times and podiums are byproducts, not the point.
13. Doing the work is daily, not dramatic
14. Journaling, tiny honest decisions, and repeatedly choosing actions that match your values matter more than one big “rock bottom” moment or a single breakthrough.
15. Failure and mess make the best stories – and the most growth
16. DNFs, hallucinations, disgusting porta‑loo moments and “I completely screwed that up” races are where she learned the most about herself, and where listeners can recognise their own patterns too.

Allie on Socials : IG @Ab_runs

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