Amateur to Pro

In This Episode: Why my "sleeper blog" about tradeoffs struck a nerve The surprising truth: FOMO is a feature, not a bug Why needing to make choices is an "embarrassment of riches" The esoteric but powerful truth about free will and co-creation How to become a true "Master of Tradeoffs" Three Mindset Shifts for Mastering Tradeoffs: 1. Accept That You'll Always Wonder "What If" Whatever choice you make, you'll wonder about the alternate choice FOMO is natural - the problem is attaching to it Acknowledge doubt as normal, then let it pass 2. Recognize Tradeoffs as First World Problems Need for tradeoffs = having multiple things that matter to you Places to go, friends to be with, work that brings joy Lack of tradeoffs means lack of choices (either no options or overwhelming crisis) 3. See Choice-Making as Exercising Free Will What would life be like without choices? Less engaging and fascinating We're here to exercise our powerful free will Making choices = co-creating our lives by design and on purpose Key Takeaways: FOMO is normal - don't try to solve it, just let it pass Having to choose between good things is a privilege Tradeoffs aren't punishment - they're opportunities to co-create your life The problem isn't wondering, it's attaching to the wondering Challenge: Next time you face a tradeoff, remind yourself: this isn't a punishment, it's a privilege afforded to the few and fortunate. Resources: Original blog post: https://www.carolynmahboubi.com/blog/fomo-is-good-for-you

Years ago, one of the first principles I learned from my coach at the time, Steve Chandler, was to transform expectations into agreements. This practice alone has had the most profound impact on my life— shifting it from one of constant disappointments and simmering resentments to one of ease, peace, and lightness. Strong words, I know. But true, nonetheless. You see, most of us live in expectations most of the time. We expect our parents to talk and act differently. We expect our romantic partners to know exactly what makes us feel loved. We expect our bosses to show their appreciation in the way that feels right to us. We expect our co-workers to support us in what is obviously the “right” way. We expect our children to do as they’re told. We expect our friends to approve of our actions.

Since the beginning of history, humans have had an innate understanding that we can’t have it all at the same time. The art of skillful negotiation—with others and, most importantly, with ourselves—was born of this radical understanding and acceptance. The truth that life is a series of tradeoffs was largely undisputed until sometime in the middle of the last century. Perhaps it was the long-overdue movements for liberty and equality for minorities and women, or the opportunities that arose from living in a more technologically connected world. But somewhere along the way, those of us with a higher quality of life and a measure of abundance adopted the belief that we can have it all.

Even if a coach “specializes” or has a niche, each client within that demographic is still a completely different person. They might benefit from some of the same learnings as others with similar challenges, but they will always need a special tool created just for them. That special tool is often created from the Coach’s unique gifts and passions. Mine is “Mothering.”

Cultivating our Negative Capabilities expands our capacity to endure uncomfortable emotions, navigate the unexplainable behavior of others, and cope with uncertainty—without believing we must do something about it NOW! I’ve come to believe that mastering this life skill is as essential—and as transformative– as being action-oriented. Often, the most effective solution to a problem is no action at all.

I teach and coach through distinctions—not because I think life is binary or that things are either true or false (although I do believe some things are), but because the mind understands and learns concepts more easily when presented with clear contrasts. We must have a clear understanding of black and white before we can understand what creates the color gray. Our mind must grasp the difference between two concepts—concepts that can easily be confused—before it can form its own nuanced understanding of a new one. Use this formula to teach yourself, your children, and your teams, and you'll see how effective it is. But fine-tuning your ability to make clear distinctions requires one thing: scheduling dedicated time to think. Yes, time to think.

It’s not unusual for me to start a coaching session by asking, “What would make this conversation extraordinary for you?” Because coaching is all about going from good to great—ordinary to extraordinary. And yet, my greatest hope and wish for my clients, loved ones and myself is to be consistently blessed with the ordinary.

What are the one or two questions you are asked most often? It’s worth slowing down to consider, because it’s not just a reflection of others’ curiosity about you, the answer to these questions illuminates who you are—your priorities, and your deepest values. In my life, two questions come my way regularly: “What’s Life Coaching?” and “Why do you do Ultramarathon races?”

Let me start by sharing a truth about parenting I’ve come to believe in wholeheartedly:

“You can’t get it right.”

If humility is your destination, parenting is the most direct and effective path to get there.

Just when you think you got it right with one child, another comes along—and you quickly realize you may know nothing at all!

As a mother of two, I feel like it’s impossible to be a good parent to any more than that number of kids. But as a professional who thinks, writes, and works in the field of human potential, I can spot a false belief from a mile away—and this is definitely one of them.

“Why so hard on yourself?” I asked my not-yet-client, Linda. It was one of our first “discovery” conversations, where someone interested in being coached by me learns how I work. And crucially, I’m looking for the incredibly hidden—and for most, hard-to-read—signs that they are really, truly, ready—in fact, past ready—to make a change. I’ve been coaching women of all ages for the last decade, and the question I asked Linda speaks to a pattern I’ve observed in many of them, regardless of social status. That pattern is women judging themselves—and other women—and it’s so rampant, it feels like an epidemic. But it’s a silent one.